Here is a plan:
Go over to the local Borg and get yerself eight
of their so-called 2x6 wood boards. These are not
really 2 inches by 6 inches, but that doesn't matter.
Take these boards home and run them thru your table saw
making sure to set the ripping width to EXACTLY 4 inches.
Now take each of the 4 inch wide boards you have left
and run them thru yer planer a few hundred times to get
them all down to an equal thickness of 1/8". You should
now have eight 4 inch by 1/8 inch boards.
Get out your glue and clamps, and laminate these eight
boards together in a stack. The result is a genuine 2x4.
You're welcome.
mikey.
Our shop teacher, during the Eisenhower administration also, would take a
perfectly good baseball bat, run it through the planer on both sides a
couple of times, than whack your butt with it when you screwed up, two
handed. It was tough on your self-assteem, but you seldom screwed up the
same way again ... for the rest of your life.
'Course, there were very few lawyers back then, and the few that were kept a
low profile on account of being ashamed of themselves for abandoning human
decency
--
www.e-woodshop.net
Last update: 8/24/03
"Lee K"
> How To Make A Board
> ===================
> by Dave Barry
>
> Most of what I know about carpentry, which is almost nothing, I
> learned in shop. I took shop during the Eisenhower administration, when
> boys took shop and girls took home economics--a code name for "cooking".
> Schools are not allowed to separate boys and girls like that any more.
Bay Area Dave <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
www.freebieplans/2x4.com
hmmm...good point...I like it smooth - let's make it a 3.5 x 1.5. NOW
will you be so kind as to provide some plans. Sorry I can't tell you
how long it should be. But I want to make it out of Ipe. Do you think
I can find some for $1.25/bf?
dave
D.B. wrote:
> Bay Area Dave wrote:
>
>>
> As other have asked, what length, more importantly which
> decade? They have changed size considerably since Christ was
> a Corporal.
>
> Are you sure you don't actually need a 4x2?
>
>
>
> -----= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =-----
> http://www.newsfeeds.com - The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World!
> -----== Over 100,000 Newsgroups - 19 Different Servers! =-----
EmbErna wrote:
>
> Here is a plan:
>
> Go over to the local Borg and get yerself eight
> of their so-called 2x6 wood boards. These are not
> really 2 inches by 6 inches, but that doesn't matter.
>
> Take these boards home and run them thru your table saw
> making sure to set the ripping width to EXACTLY 4 inches.
>
> Now take each of the 4 inch wide boards you have left
> and run them thru yer planer a few hundred times to get
> them all down to an equal thickness of 1/8". You should
> now have eight 4 inch by 1/8 inch boards.
>
> Get out your glue and clamps, and laminate these eight
> boards together in a stack. The result is a genuine 2x4.
>
> You're welcome.
> mikey.
Huh???
Scott
--
An unkind remark is like a killing frost. No matter how much it warms
up later, the damage remains.
"Bay Area Dave" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
See Genesis - Chap 6.
No wait, that was 2 by 2...
Sorry. My bad...
http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/
> On 5 Sep 2003 06:50:19 -0700, [email protected] (brad) wrote:
>
>
> >> > How To Make A Board
> >> > ===================
> >> > by Dave Barry
> >>
> >> snip fantastically funny column
>
> Dawd, I missed this one! Someone please send me a copy at the addy
> below, or what day did this come out? Still got old newspapers-
>
Current and recent Dave Barry colums can be found here
http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/
Frank
I loved his book, "Dave Barry Turns 40," a guide to entering middle
age. One of the chapters is titled: "Your Deteriorating Body."
Bay Area Dave <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
> I love that guy! He's my all-time favorite columnist.
>
> Thanks, Lee
>
> dave
>
> Lee K wrote:
>
> > How To Make A Board
> > ===================
> > by Dave Barry
>
> snip fantastically funny column
"Bay Area Dave" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
I am sure I saw some plans posted from joat.
BTW, anyone remember the old MASH episode where a korean comes into camp
selling trinkets and souveneirs? He shows Frank a short piece of a 2x4 and
says that he carved it himself. Frank says, "this looks like a 2x4". The
korean guy says "thank you"
I thought it was funny anyhow
With point or without? Left hand or right?
"Bay Area Dave" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
That's a great method. When I have some time, I'll have to try it. In the
meantime, putting a little lath onto the 2" side of the 2x4 gets it to width
for old walls, made in the days when 2x4 meant 2x4, or 1 7/8 by 3 7/8, or
something like that.
The standard 2x4 has shrunk over the years. In one house I remodelled, I
managed to come across about 3 or 4 different sized 2x4's. It made for an
interesting wall problem.
Michael
"EmbErna" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:0BT5b.355482$YN5.242395@sccrnsc01...
>
> Here is a plan:
>
> Go over to the local Borg and get yerself eight
> of their so-called 2x6 wood boards. These are not
> really 2 inches by 6 inches, but that doesn't matter.
>
> Take these boards home and run them thru your table saw
> making sure to set the ripping width to EXACTLY 4 inches.
>
> Now take each of the 4 inch wide boards you have left
> and run them thru yer planer a few hundred times to get
> them all down to an equal thickness of 1/8". You should
> now have eight 4 inch by 1/8 inch boards.
>
> Get out your glue and clamps, and laminate these eight
> boards together in a stack. The result is a genuine 2x4.
>
> You're welcome.
> mikey.
>
> > How To Make A Board
> > ===================
> > by Dave Barry
>
> snip fantastically funny column
>
"Bay Area Dave" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> I love that guy! He's my all-time favorite columnist.
>
> Thanks, Lee
>
> dave
>
> Lee K wrote:
Perhaps my favorite snippet of Dave Barry is regarding memory. (I'm
paraphrasing here)
"One method of remembering something is to use a mnemonic device. Let's say
you're trying to remember the name 'Duane'".
You: "I don't know his name! I swear it!"
Interrogator: "Perhaps if we turn the mnemonic device up to 50,000
volts..."
You: "Duane! His name is Duane!"
todd
Will this 2x4 be 2" high and 4" wide, or 4" high and 2" wide?
--
Larry Wasserman Baltimore, Maryland
[email protected]
"EmbErna" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Yep, my math was a bit off. Take the resulting 1x4,
>
> cross-cut it in half, Pre-drill for some screws,
> stack the two pieces together and fasten with screws.
>
> Now you have a 2x4.
>
> mikey.
I hat it when you get plans that don't give all the information. What type
of screws? Brass, Stainless, square drive? How long should the screws be?
I see screw with different numbers, like #6, #8, #10, etc. How do you
determine what to use?
To drive them in, I have a 1/2" drill with impact driver. Should I use that
one or do I need something larger? Of course I know to start them with a
hammer.
Ed
Bay Area Dave wrote:
>
>
As other have asked, what length, more importantly which
decade? They have changed size considerably since Christ was
a Corporal.
Are you sure you don't actually need a 4x2?
-----= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =-----
http://www.newsfeeds.com - The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World!
-----== Over 100,000 Newsgroups - 19 Different Servers! =-----
In article <[email protected]>,
[email protected] says...
> From previous posts, I thought you were an expert wwer, but you have
> forgotten to give us the length of the 2X4 you need. When we get that info,
> I think someone will be able to help.
> Wilson
Naw, the question should be how long does he need it? I bet the answer
would be: Dunno, humm probably quite awhile cause I'm building a house.
If you find a set, send a copy to your local saw mill as they obviously are
winging it with their 1.5 x 3.5's. ;~)
"Bay Area Dave" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
Yep, my math was a bit off. Take the resulting 1x4,
cross-cut it in half, Pre-drill for some screws,
stack the two pieces together and fasten with screws.
Now you have a 2x4.
mikey.
Silvan wrote:
> Scott Brownell wrote:
>
>
>>>them all down to an equal thickness of 1/8". You should
>>>now have eight 4 inch by 1/8 inch boards.
>>>
>>>Get out your glue and clamps, and laminate these eight
>>>boards together in a stack. The result is a genuine 2x4.
>
>
>>Huh???
>
>
> Yeah, huh??? That would be a 1x4. So you'd need to start with SIXTEEN 2x6s
> to get it right.
>
On 5 Sep 2003 06:50:19 -0700, [email protected] (brad) wrote:
>> > How To Make A Board
>> > ===================
>> > by Dave Barry
>>
>> snip fantastically funny column
Dawd, I missed this one! Someone please send me a copy at the addy
below, or what day did this come out? Still got old newspapers-
Thanx
James
[email protected]
http://[email protected]
Your Mom was very astute in understanding that not everyone should be
treated the same. However, my Dad was probably justified in being of the
opinion that would not have worked on me. ;>)
--
www.e-woodshop.net
Last update: 8/24/03
"Silvan" wrote in message
> Swingman wrote:
>
> > Our shop teacher, during the Eisenhower administration also, would take
a
> > perfectly good baseball bat, run it through the planer on both sides a
> > couple of times, than whack your butt with it when you screwed up, two
> > handed. It was tough on your self-assteem, but you seldom screwed up the
> > same way again ... for the rest of your life.
>
> Boy, that's a big can o' worms there. Corporal punishment, I mean.
>
> I'll keep my views to myself except to say that for me, it was the belt.
I
> came home one time with an F in something, and Mom freaked out. She asked
> for my belt. She whaled the living hell out of my bookbag with it, handed
> it back to me, and told me the next time I ever got an F, that bookbag was
> my butt.
>
> I didn't graduate magna cum laude or anything like that, but I was a solid
> B+ student at least, and I never did feel the sting of that belt.
How To Make A Board
===================
by Dave Barry
Most of what I know about carpentry, which is almost nothing, I
learned in shop. I took shop during the Eisenhower administration, when
boys took shop and girls took home economics--a code name for "cooking".
Schools are not allowed to separate boys and girls like that any more.
They're also not allowed to put students' heads in vises and tighten
them, which is what our shop teacher, Mr. Schmidt, did to Ronnie Miller
in the fifth grade when Ronnie used a chisel when he should have used a
screwdriver. (Mr. Schmidt had strong feelings about how to use tools
properly.) I guess he shouldn't have put Ronnie's head in the vise, but
it (Ronnie's head) was no great prize to begin with, and you can bet
Ronnie never confused chisels and screwdrivers in later life. Assuming
he made it to later life.
Under Mr. Schmidt's guidance, we hammered out hundreds of the ugliest
and most useless objects the human mind can conceive of. Our first major
project was a little bookshelf that you could also use as a stool. The
idea was that someday you'd be looking for a book, when all of a sudden
you'd urgently need a stool, so you'd just dump the books on the floor
and there you'd be. At least I assume that was the thinking behind the
bookshelf-stool. Mr. Schmidt designed it, and we students sure know
better than to ask any questions.
I regret today that I didn't take more shop in high school, because
while I have never once used anything I know about the cosine and the
tangent, I have used my shop skills to make many useful objects for my
home. For example, I recently made a board.
I use my board in many ways. I stand on it when I have to get socks
out of the dryer and water has been sitting in our basement around the
dryer for a few days, and has developed a pretty healthy layer of scum on
top (plus heaven-only-knows-what new and predatory forms of life under-
neath).
I also use my board to squash spiders. (All spiders are deadly kill-
ers. Don't believe any of the stuff you read in "National Geographic".)
If you'd like to make a board, you'll need:
Materials: A board, paint.
Tools: A chisel, a handgun.
Get your board at a lumberyard, but be prepared. Lumberyards reek of
lunacy. They use a system of measurement that dates back to Colonial
times, when people had brains the size of M&Ms. When they tell you a
board is a "two-by-four", they mean it is NOT two inches by four inches.
Likewise, a "one-by-six" is NOT one inch by six inches. So if you know
what size board you want, tell the lumberperson you want some other size.
If you don't know what size you want, tell him it's for squashing spi-
ders. He'll know what you need.
You should paint your board so people will know it's a home carpentry
project, as opposed to a mere board. I suggest you use a darkish color,
something along the lines of spider guts. Use your chisel to open the
paint can. Have your gun ready in case Mr. Schmidt is lurking around.
Once you've finished your board, you can move on to a more advanced
project, such as a harpsichord. But if you're really going to get into
home carpentry, you should have a home workshop. You will find that your
workshop is very useful as a place to store lawn sprinklers and objects
you intend to fix sometime before you die. My wife and I have worked out
out a simple eight-step procedure for deciding which objects to store in
my home workshop:
1. My wife tells me an object is broken. For instance, she may say,
"The lamp on my bedside table doesn't work."
2. I wait several months, in case my wife is mistaken.
3. My wife notifies me she is not mistaken. "Remember the lamp on my
bedside table?" she says. "Yes?" I say. "Still broken," she says.
4. I conduct a preliminary investigation. In the case of the lamp, I
flick the switch and note that the lamp doesn't go on. "You're right,"
I tell my wife. "That lamp doesn't work."
5. I wait 6 to 19 months, hoping that God will fix the lamp, or the
Russians will attack us and the entire world will be a glowing heap of
radioactive slag and nobody will care about the lamp anymore.
6. My wife then alerts me that the lamp still doesn't work. "The lamp
still doesn't work," she says, sometimes late at night.
7. I try to repair the lamp on the spot. Usually, I look for a likely
trouble spot and whack it with a blunt instrument. This often works on
lamps. It rarely works on microwave ovens.
8. If the on-the-spot repair doesn't work, I say: "I'll have to take
this lamp down to the home workshop." This is my way of telling my wife
that she should get another lamp if she has any short-term plans, say,
to do any reading in bed.
If you follow this procedure, after a few years you will have a great
many broken objects in your home workshop. In the interim, however, it
will look barren. This is why you need tools. To give your shop an
attractive, nonbarren appearance, you should get several thousand dollars
worth of tools and hang them from pegboards in a graceful display.
Basically, there are four different kinds of tools:
Tools You Can Hit Yourself With (hammers, axes).
Tools You Can Cut Yourself With (saws, knives, hoes, axes).
Tools You Can Stab Yourself With (screwdrivers, chisels).
Tools That, If Dropped Just Right, Can Penetrate Your Foot (awls).
I have a radial arm saw, which is like any other saw except that it
has a blade that spins at several billion revolutions per second and
therefore can sever your average arm in a trice. When I operate my rad-
ial arm saw, I use a safety procedure that was developed by X-ray machine
technicians: I leave the room.
I turn off all the power in the house, leave a piece of wood near the
saw, scurry to a safe distance, and turn the power back on. That is how
I made my board.
Once you get the hang of using your tools, you'll make all kinds of
projects. Here are some other ones I've made:
A length of rope.
Wood with nails in it.
Sawdust.
If you'd like plans for any of these projects, just drop some money
in an envelope and send it to me and I'll keep it.
In article <[email protected]>,
Bay Area Dave <[email protected]> wrote:
>I was hoping someone would tell me how long it should be!
Oh, heck, that's *easy*.
"Twice as long as from one end to the middle."
>
>dave
>
>Wilson Lamb wrote:
>> From previous posts, I thought you were an expert wwer, but you have
>> forgotten to give us the length of the 2X4 you need. When we get that info,
>> I think someone will be able to help.
>> Wilson
>> "Bay Area Dave" <[email protected]> wrote in message
>> news:[email protected]...
>>
>>
>>
>
"Lee Gordon" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<bfV5b.357715$Ho3.53678@sccrnsc03>...
> Ask one of the Brits in the group for his plans for a 4X2 and use that.
>
> Lee
Sorry, were metric only here. We have plans for 100mm by 50mm but I
doubt whether you would be able to follow them exactly using 10" or
12" tablesaw blades.
Dean.
EmbErna <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>Here is a plan:
<snip>
>You should
>now have eight 4 inch by 1/8 inch boards.
>
>Get out your glue and clamps, and laminate these eight
>boards together in a stack. The result is a genuine 2x4.
You might want to buy new batteries for that calculator of yours! <g>
(Or are you anticipating 1/7" thick glue lines?)
--
Alex
Make the obvious change in the return address to reply by email.
You also didn't specify if it was metric Davey old boy.
Jums
"Bay Area Dave" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
On Fri, 05 Sep 2003 18:50:18 GMT, [email protected] (Lawrence
Wasserman) pixelated:
>Will this 2x4 be 2" high and 4" wide, or 4" high and 2" wide?
Straight-grained, crossgrained, quartersawn?
Birdseye SPF or plain?
------------------------------
Gator: The other white meat!
------------------------------
http://www.diversify.com Comprehensive Website Development
Perfect! (But that means that I'm following a plan...hmmm...)
I'll post 16 each 4 megabyte pictures on ABPW as soon as I finish. It
will take me approximately 17 months, 1 week, 2 days, and 6 hours to
finish the project. It will take me an additional 5 minutes for a photo
shoot, 3 hours to upload the photos, and 3 more hours replying to all
the folks who complain about the pictures being too small, too large,
too blurry, too sharp, too red, and too green. At some point I will
give up the crusade to defend my pictures and I will put everyone who's
ever been on the Wreck in the last 14 years on my Twit List. Then I can
go out in the shop and get started on my next World's Coolest
Woodworking Project Ever (redux). (Or I'll just have another beer)
dave
EmbErna wrote:
>
> Here is a plan:
>
> Go over to the local Borg and get yerself eight
> of their so-called 2x6 wood boards. These are not
> really 2 inches by 6 inches, but that doesn't matter.
>
> Take these boards home and run them thru your table saw
> making sure to set the ripping width to EXACTLY 4 inches.
>
> Now take each of the 4 inch wide boards you have left
> and run them thru yer planer a few hundred times to get
> them all down to an equal thickness of 1/8". You should
> now have eight 4 inch by 1/8 inch boards.
>
> Get out your glue and clamps, and laminate these eight
> boards together in a stack. The result is a genuine 2x4.
>
> You're welcome.
> mikey.
>
As a matter of fact, I do have plans for this 2x4. I'm going do wind up and
smack you right in the...........
ahhh... ummmm... nevermind...
(Deep breath, count to 10........)
hehehehe
Seriously though. I think Joat has some plans for one made out of East
Indian Rosewood. Not terribly cheap though. The plans are about $100, and
materials for the project are a couple hundred.....
"Bay Area Dave" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
Thu, Sep 4, 2003, 9:09pm (EDT-1) [email protected]
(Rick) says:
<snip> I think Joat has some plans for one <snip>
Didn't you read Dave's thread on plans? According to him, he
doesn't need plans. So, he ain't gettin' any from me. Besides, he
would probably get it backwards, anyway.
But, I may have run across plans somewhere for a pointy stick, one
of those those could come in handy.
JOAT
Failure is not an option.
But it is definitely a possibility.
Life just ain't life without good music. - JOAT
Web Page Update 2 Sep 2003. Some tunes I like.
http://community-2.webtv.net/Jakofalltrades/SOMETUNESILIKE/
I'm sorry but I am a little confused here, do you want an actual 8/4 or a
6/4 thickness here? or are you talking in feet??
"Bay Area Dave" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
Bay Area Dave <[email protected]> wrote:
Which size standard? 2x4, 1 3/4 x 3 3/4, 1.5 x 3.5 or kinda round in
places with bark on in places.
Wes
--
Reply to:
Whiskey Echo Sierra Sierra AT Gee Tee EYE EYE dot COM
Lycos address is a spam trap.
"Jim Mc Namara" <[email protected]> wrote:
>You also didn't specify if it was metric Davey old boy.
>
>Jums
Nor did i see a mention if it was jummy wood.
Wes
--
Reply to:
Whiskey Echo Sierra Sierra AT Gee Tee EYE EYE dot COM
Lycos address is a spam trap.
so many comedians! :) (good one, KS!)
dave
KS wrote:
> In article <[email protected]>,
> [email protected] says...
>
>>From previous posts, I thought you were an expert wwer, but you have
>>forgotten to give us the length of the 2X4 you need. When we get that info,
>>I think someone will be able to help.
>>Wilson
>
>
> Naw, the question should be how long does he need it? I bet the answer
> would be: Dunno, humm probably quite awhile cause I'm building a house.
so... is that where "swingman" came from? :)
"Swingman" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Our shop teacher, during the Eisenhower administration also, would take a
> perfectly good baseball bat, run it through the planer on both sides a
> couple of times, than whack your butt with it when you screwed up, two
> handed. It was tough on your self-assteem, but you seldom screwed up the
> same way again ... for the rest of your life.
great minds think alike! ON GUARD! WHACK! SMACK! CRACK! TOUCHÉ.
dave
JackD wrote:
> Keep it up and I'll have a plan for one...:-)
>
> Bay Area Jack.
>
>
> "Bay Area Dave" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
>
>
>
From previous posts, I thought you were an expert wwer, but you have
forgotten to give us the length of the 2X4 you need. When we get that info,
I think someone will be able to help.
Wilson
"Bay Area Dave" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>