[email protected] wrote:
> please send me some plans to build a futon sofa
Dear Mr Binzone:
We regret to inform you that we are currently out of stock of futon sofa
plans and cannot honor you request. We can however, offer you plans for a
beautiful 4'x8'x3/4" flat panel, made out of durable MDF. Please send in
$24.00 along with a SASE and we will promptly send out the plans for this
stylish flat panel.
Regards,
Customer Service, rec.woodworking
Dear Troll,
Thank you for your troll. Your troll has been evaluated by
our panel of experts. Here are the results of our tests.
We found that your troll was...
[ ] Incomprehensible
[ ] Offensive
[x] Just plain stupid
[ ] Without merit
[ ] Grammatically incorrect
[ ] Laced with spelling and punctuation errors
[ ] Laden with circular reasoning
[ ] Laced with misunderstandings of basic scientific principles
[ ] Somewhat too revealing of your minimal mental abilities
[ ] Too similar to other trolls submitted in the past
You could improve your troll considerably by...
[ ] Including a few actual facts
[ ] Taking remedial English lessons
[ ] Mentioning that you are a professional
[ ] Stating more falsehoods as facts than you already have
[ ] Swearing more
[ ] Including more colorful personal insults
[ ] Using the phrases "you people" or "those people" more
[ ] Modifying your insults to cover larger groups of people at once
[ ] Ranting incoherently
[ ] Using religious or racial slurs
[ ] Using the words "junk", "crap", "garbage", "toy", "flimsy" and
"Professional" more frequently
[ ] Using childish taunts
[ ] Including fake laughter such as "ha ha ha" or "har de har de har"
[ ] Focusing on just one outrageous topic will give your troll more punch
[ ] Ignoring any facts, and using more absolutes in your troll
[x] Using all capital letters
[ ] Focusing more on those areas in which "your" view is better than "their"
view
[ ] Exaggerate more, you need not be limited by facts
Please get a...
[ ] life
[ ] grip
[ ] job
[ ] clue
[x] book on basic woodworking
( ) note from your mom
You should...
[ ] Have someone who can read review your postings
[ ] Save your postings for later and think if you really want to send them
[ ] Take your medication
[ ] Not have "one for the road" next time
[ ] Stay in school
[x] Go and buy whatever plan you want, we don't care
[ ] Think about other people's feelings before you post
[ ] Get your ego boost some other way
[ ] Realize that by trolling a group you hurt everyone, not just the people
you are mad at
[ ] Go away so we can talk about woodworking
[ ] Put up a web site with your name on it to show the world
[ ] Take down your web site, it's not very good
Suggested other activities besides trolling...
[ ] Posting something constructive
[ ] Actually having cut a board
[ ] Helping someone else
[ ] Spending some time with your family instead of your magazines
[ ] Working off that big pot belly
[ ] Get your ego boost instead by helping out at a local hospital
[x] Consider another hobby that does not require contact with other humans
e.g. mortuary science
Thank you for your submission.
You have...
[ ] passed
[ ] passed with honors
[x] failed, must try harder
Wow, that's cheap compared to around here! They were $32 last time I
checked. How much do you need for S&H?
LOL!
"Mike Marlow" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> [email protected] wrote:
> > please send me some plans to build a futon sofa
>
> Dear Mr Binzone:
>
> We regret to inform you that we are currently out of stock of futon sofa
> plans and cannot honor you request. We can however, offer you plans for a
> beautiful 4'x8'x3/4" flat panel, made out of durable MDF. Please send in
> $24.00 along with a SASE and we will promptly send out the plans for this
> stylish flat panel.
>
> Regards,
> Customer Service, rec.woodworking
>
>
Pop Rivet wrote:
> Wow, that's cheap compared to around here! They were $32 last time I
> checked. How much do you need for S&H?
>
> LOL!
Dear Mr. Pop:
Thank you for your kind inquirey. We do not charge for S&H and we'd like to
think that this is what separates us from our compeitition. Please note
that our prices are for plans only and that materials are not included. You
may find that on select plan sets that we are suspiciously less than our
competitors which may be attributed to one or more of several factors.
Regards,
Customer Service, rec.woodworking
>
> "Mike Marlow" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
>> [email protected] wrote:
>>> please send me some plans to build a futon sofa
>>
>> Dear Mr Binzone:
>>
>> We regret to inform you that we are currently out of stock of futon
>> sofa plans and cannot honor you request. We can however, offer you
>> plans for a beautiful 4'x8'x3/4" flat panel, made out of durable
>> MDF. Please send in $24.00 along with a SASE and we will promptly
>> send out the plans for this stylish flat panel.
>>
>> Regards,
>> Customer Service, rec.woodworking
"Pop Rivet" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
>
> Wow, that's cheap compared to around here! They were $32 last time I
> checked. How much do you need for S&H?
>
That's special WebTV pricing...
Something to do with Monkeys and Food Pellets, IIRC.