Pointy Stick Compendium - Spraying Shellac

SPRAY ON LOTS OF THIN COATS

If you already have a compressor that'll put out 50 to 100 CFM at 3000
psi you might want to get one of them Critter type sprayers or, if you
have more than $40 US, get a real air gun, with fourteen tips, two or
three finish cups and a viscosity cup. Fill the latter with brandy or
cognac and quickly hold it over your open mouth. Begin counting "one
Mississippi, two Mississipi" (do this mentally cause if ya try counting
out loud while your poring booze in your mouth ya'll are gonna choke and
cough) and continue counting until the cup stops dripping. Swallow the
cognac and then write down the last "Mississippi" you counted, labelng
it “Cognac 1”. Repeat this step three or four more times, recording your
highest "Mississippi" and labeling it “Cognac 2” and so on.. Next, fill
the viscosity cup with your shellac mix. As the shellac begins to
run/drip/ooze out of the cup begin your "Missippies" count until there
is no more drips of shellac from the cup. Write this number down and
label it Shellac.

You now have the "Mississippies" for Cognac 1, 2, 3 and 4 along with the
Shellac Mississippies. Add up Congac 1+2+3+4 values and divide by four.
Write the results in the palm of your left hand if you're right handed
or in the palm of your right hand if you're a southpaw. You want to
record four significent digits - so try to write pretty small - but not
too small cause ya'lls visual acuity is failing due to them four shots
of whatever that stuff was. Oh - don't breath on no open flames fur a
wile cause ya'lls mouth may 'splode - OK? Ya gotta be safety conshus yu
know - don't want no fahrs or blowed up stuff in da shop. Ya unnerstand
whut I'm sayin' man? NO fahrs! NO blowed up stuff! No man, I'm serious!
Pay attention man! NO blowed up stuff in MY shop! Dis is really, really,
really, really important - NO BLOWED UP STUFF IN MY SHOP MAN! You bet I
was YELLING cuz I wanna make sure you unnerstand - n o ...b l o w e d
...u p ...s t u f f ...- OK? No fahrs neither man - OK?

What were we doin'? Oh yeah - viz coz oh tee. Divide the Shellac
Mississississippies by the numbah ya wrote on ya'lls hand and write down
the results in black marker on ya'lls fo'hed and then turn off the shop
lights and try makin' it to ya'lls bed. Tammara, when and if ya'll can
get outa bed ya'll will see somethin rit on ya'lls fo'hed when you look
in the mirra while tryin' to toothbrush that bottom o da birdcage taste
out ya mouth. By now the ole eyes shud be focusin enuff to read dat
numba. Write it on da mirra with tootpaste so yu'll see it da nex day.
Go back to bed and try an sleep it off. In a day or two yu'll feel well
enuff to get back in da shop, but ya'll will be wonderin' who wrote on
ya'lls mirror with toothpaste. Forget about that, just go spray on your
shellac. The finish you get will look like crap, but when you're still
hung over, the quality of the finish won't be a big deal - until
tomorrow.

BTW - the alcohol in the shellac mix is highly flammable/inflammable. Do
not light a cigaretter, cigar, pipe, joint or bong in a room full of a
very fine mist of alcohol. An open flame in the same room, say in a
furnace or maybe a water heater, can create the same potential disaster.
At best, the flash burn you'll get won't look like the nice sun burned
look you get in Cabo or The Keyes. At worst the BOOM can make the
quality of the finish you get the least of your worries. On the plus
side, the finish will have plenty of time to cure while you're in the
hospital.

If you want to reduce the risk of burns and/or explosions, try an HVLP
system. HVLP stand for High Velocity Low Pressure. That means you can
apply lots of finish at much lower pressure than with a conventional
compressed air gun. That means that more finish makes it to, and stays
on, the work with much less bounces back into the air. That's a good
thing and a bad thing. With this method finishing screw ups happen
faster and worse than with conventional compressed air gun spraying.

Rather than a compressor generating a little air at a high pressure,
HVLP systems use a single, double or triple turbine to move a lot of
air. The turbine(s) are basically the same as that found in a household
vacuum cleaner, only much more expensive. The turbine(s) are also LOUD
and have to be relatively close to the HVLP gun and therefore to YOU and
your ears. Wear hearing protection or get use to saying "WHAT!?"

While on the subject of safety, regardless of the method of spraying
shellac, you don't want to get much of this stuff in your lungs. You can
eat it, but don’t breath it. If you're going to spray in a confined
space with poor ventilation, practice holding your breath for for to
five minutes, the time it takes to apply a spray finish to the average
piece of furniture, OR, get, and wear, a respirator mask - the kind
with the activated charcoal cannisters. You'll have to decide whether
you want to be a lung or liver donor should you die prematurely. If it's
the lungs you want to donate then wear the respirator and/or do your
spraying outside. If it's your liver you want to donate skip the
viscosity procedure.

charlie b