Re: OT - Globalization - Computer Migration - Software Upgrading - part THREE -SUCCESS!(sort of)

The Victim rose early and prepared for what was to come.
He had the day's first food, supecting that it would likely
be a while before the opportunity to rest and to take
sustenance would come, if it came at all. And he made certain
he'd Hit The Head before taking up The Phone.

Notebook in hand and armed with a half dozen freshly sharpened
No. 2 pencils - the dialed The Number, noting the hour and minute
of the day when he got the first ring. It was 8:34 AM.

Almost exactly THREE HOURS LATER, he had The Mysterious
Unlock Code, which can only be entered in The Secret Hidden
Unlock Code Box on the Eyes Only super secure Special
Dialog Window, accessible only via "Hold down the SHIFT key
AND the COMMAND key (which, on an Apple keyboard is a
little apple icon with a "flower" icon on it). while quickly
double clicking THE RIGHT MOUSE BUTTON".

The clouds parted, the sun shone through brightly - and
the sounds of trumpets and angels singing echoed through
Silly Cone Valley - Adobe DreamWeaver CS3 version 1.1
could FINALLY be opened - and with time, hard work and
some luck - would get The Victim back to where he was
lo those many dazed days ago.

Having traveled via phone to Bremerton, Washington (again),
thence to India (again) where he spent 10 minutes uncovering the
name of the person he was speaking to (my name is spelled
aaahr aeiy tseeee hayuch eghlll a-eel - which translated into
english turns out to the the spelling of RACHEL, the name
of the Friends character Jennifer Aniston played - coincidence?),
thence to Portland Oregon to speak with James - who actually
spoke english, and only english - who ALMOST solved the problem
- 'til he put The Victim on HOLD while he got a needed Case
Number - thus sending The Victim of to Muzak Hell - and a
Dial Tone.

There was a brief period of cursing and swearing, accompanied
by the gnashing of teeth, and then back to the battle, returning
inexplicably to RACHEL who was mystified as to how someone
calling from the United States which is on the Other Side Of
The World knew her name was RACHEL - just by hearing her
say the word HELLO. She STILL was unable to be of any
assistance other than to "transfer you to ..." MORE MUZAK
and the inevitable Dial Tone.

Well over an hour had passed and the Victim, bloodied but
unbowed returned to The Struggle, dial a phone number,
one of two now permanently burned in his brain, to SALES.

The by now THE familiar Ring-Ring - Click - MUZAK, and eventually
he gets JOHN OF PORTLAND who has no way of finding the
JAMES OF PORTLAND person The Victim had spoken with
earlier. In a mere 20 minutes The Problem was identified,
The Solution found - but before it could be implimented -
the pertrifying words "I'm just going to put you on hold - for
just a second" were uttered - followed by Two Clicks - a pause
- and MORE MUZAK - and eventually - The Dial Tone.

Resisting the urge to hurl heavy objects, The Victim struggled
to his Happy Place where he rested - but for only a moment -
before REDIALING the number to Sales.

This time he was connected to ALAN, though it took several
minutes of "could you spell that - very very slowly please" for you
see, ALAN was in a Call Center - in MANILA. And it only took
ALAN about 15 minutes to determine - that he couldn't do
anything to fix The Problem - refused to allow The Victim to
speak with his supervisor - who might be able to a) speak
english in a manner an english speaking person might be able
to actually understand and b) concievably explain why her
SOFTWARE ACTIVATION DEPARTMENT could not provide a
Software Activation Code required to UNLOCK the software
The Victim had, and had paid for.

Two Clicks - MORE MUZAK - and the inevitable - DIAL TONE!

Once again more Touch Toning - with vigor
Ring-Ring - click - MUZAK - and The Victim is, after 15 minutes
- speaking with - Ely - which he pronounces not as ee-lie, but
rather el-lee, which cause The Victim some confusion initially.
Turns out Ely is ALSO in a call center - in Manila - but apparently
knows nothing of an Adobe employee working somewhere in
the same building named ALAN.

But El-lee (not Ee-lie) FINALLY actually solves The Problem.

The time - 11:34 AM - almost exctly, to the second - a mere
three hours from the time The Victim began the journey at
8:34 AM. In a mere THREE HOURS, by jumping back and forth
acrossed the Pacific - and part of the Inida Ocean (?) the
DreamWeaver CS3 version 1.1 which had been paid for a
week earlier WORKED!

AND - along the way - The Victim found and paid for the
ADOBE product that would permit him to do what he had
been doing with Version 5.5 of PhotoShop - ADOBE Elements
version 6.0 - all earlier versions being basically a waste of
time - AND - for only $79! (plus sales tax ) - which means
EVENTUALLY saving over ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS, which
at $5/hour pays for the HALF of the time The Victim wasted
playing Ring-Ring - Click - M U Z A K ..... - dial tone.

What's really interesting is that there is NO MEANS for
The Victim to let The Powers That Be Know the consequences
of Out Sourcing and piss poor customer service - and the
price of losing formerly Brand Loyal Customers of over 20
years.

Hell, I worked for The Government and we tried really really
hard to serve our citizens. If I got a complaint from a citizen
it was MY job to be the Point of Contact and the one for
resolving the problem or have make sure the person authorized
to say Yay or Nay called them back personally and told them
What and WHY. And I'd check back to make sure the citizen
had an answer - from the person who makes those decisions,
or the person whose job it is to solve there problem had
done their job.

Pendulums swing. Hopefully the Customer Service Pendulum
will begin swinging back towards actual customer SERVICE.

charlie b
who ain't holdin' his breath