During the Great Depression, there was this man who walked into a bar
one day. He walked up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like
to buy the house a round of drinks". The bartender said, "That's fine,
but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some
money first". The guy pulls out a huge wad of bills and sets them on
the bar. Well, the bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did
you get all that money?" asked the bartender. "I'm a professional
gambler", replied the man. The bartender said, "There's no such thing!
I mean, your odds are 50-50 at best, right?" "Well, I only bet on sure
things," said the guy. "Like what?" asked the bartender?
"Well, for example, I'll bet you $50 that I can bite my right eye." The
bartender thought about it. "OK". So, the guy pulls out his false right
eye and bites it. "Aw, you screwed me", said the bartender, and paid
the guy his $50. "I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another
$50 that I can bite my LEFT eye," said the stranger. The bartender
thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean I
watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet". So, the guy pulls out
his false teeth and bites his left eye. "Aw, you screwed me again".
"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of
your best scotch in lieu of the $50", said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of
the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of
drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. The guy, drunk as
a skunk, said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you
$500 that I can stand on this bar here on one foot and piss into that
whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop".
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand
up straight on two feet, much less one. "OK, you're on". The guy
climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the
place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it
into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you
owe me $500!" The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's OK. I
just bet each of the guys in the card room $1000 each that I could piss
all over you AND the bar and still make you laugh!
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