8. FINISHING
8.1 HOW DO I REMOVE PAINT ON AN ANTIQUE?
Sandblasting works best and gives you that antique old barn look.
Belt sanders work almost as well.
8.2 HOW DO I GET RID OF CAT URINE STAINS?
Make a pushstick. See #7.3.
8.3 HOW DO I MAKE A TACK CLOTH?
Take a crowbar and force the wallet out of your pocket. Once
you've successfully completed that task, use the crowbar to
extract a one dollar bill. Hand bill to clerk at hardware store.
Wait for change unless you're a Rock-a-fella. See Crowbar FAQ.
If the crowbar trick does not work, get a clean, lint-free rag
and soak it in linseed oil. Wring it and bunch it up. Pile some
plane shavings around the rag to absorb the excess oil. Then use
the fire insurance money to buy tack rags at the hardware store.
8.4 WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TUNG OIL AND LINSEED OIL?
Greg Lewin offered the following.
Tung oil was originally made in China by extracting the oils from
the tongue of a particular kind of chicken (the Chinese Showy
Red, to be exact). Like gunpowder and paper, the Chinese
invented this finish long before Europeans were even walking, but
the Brits changed the name to "tung" to avoid the obvious
negative connotations of animal by-products.
More recently, the Peruvians have imported the Chinese Reds and
improved the oil production by crossing the line with a Peruvian
chicken (I forget the name), so, like coffee, most of our tung
oil comes from South America. Obviously, PETA and Greenpeace and
the like have waged a world-wide campaign against using tung oil,
which has prompted American manufacturers (who always capitulate
to us radical enviro's) to look for other sources. Hence,
they've developed linseed oil, which comes from the seed of the
linoleum tree.
Rob Stokes added:
You forgot to mention that during the migration to South America,
the Chinese Showy Red was also inadvertently bred with a Mexican
chicken called the Araucana. The Araucana is known for laying
eggs of various colors [sic] and is often called the "Easter
chicken". On rare occasions, if the tongue oil is extracted from
one of these birds where the recessive tonal gene actually
surfaces, the result is some beautifully toned raw material.
Often the color [sic] needs to be "worked" a bit through a
refinement process, but the results can be staggering.
8.5 HOW DO I FINISH TOYS?
Your best bet is to use a toxic tropical hardwood and do not
finish it at all. Old lead paint also works because of its
durability. If it has lasted that many years on walls, it will
be child resistant.
8.6 WHAT IS THE BEST FINISH FOR A CUTTING BOARD?
Lead paint. Adds a nice salty flavour (flavor, Floyd) to the
food.
8.7 HOW DO I FINISH CHERRY?
Stain and poly. Paint also works well in hiding the ugly grain.
The stuff will turn dark anyway, so no point wasting much time on
the finish. Besides, you don't want anybody coming on your
furniture, do you? Don't use linseed oil as it will turn your
cherry into a blob of cellulose in no time by disintegrating the
lignin.
8.8 WHAT IS THE BEST FINISH FOR A WOODEN LAWN ORNAMENT?
Lighter fluid and a match. Gasoline (petrol, Jeff) will also
work.
8.9 HOW DO I FINISH THE EDGE OF PLYWOOD?
Belt sand it and paint it, same as anything else.