'Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this wine and let
their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'
~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell
happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. '
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.'
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.'
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can
sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!'
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.'
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like
a spaz.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza.'
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some, it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a
can!
~Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo
Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
' Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move
as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This
natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general
speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular
killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain
can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake
of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks
the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular
consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the
brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel
smarter after a few beers.'
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.
In article <[email protected]>,
Stuart <[email protected]> wrote:
>In article
><d3f66b8d-fbdc-403e-8ab5-aafa773fde1a@q18g2000yqj.googlegroups.com>,
> Robatoy <[email protected]> wrote:
>> Lemme guess... loosely translated from Norwegian? :-)
>
>Liverpudlian actually.
>
>Written and performed by "The Scaffold"
>
Also recorded by The Royal Guardsmen, (of "Snoopy vs. the Red Baron" et seq.,
fame)
On Dec 18, 10:03=A0am, "Lee Michaels"
<leemichaels*[email protected]> wrote:
> What is the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?
>
> A drunk doesn't have to go to all those meetings.
Damn.. I could use a drink about now...
I have been so busy sending off hundreds of e-mails to all the
delegates in Copenhagen. I kept telling them that all the solutions to
global warming were right here...here in the Wrec!! I just don't
understand why they all just log on here and find all the solutions to
all the world's problems. I mean, this place is better than HowTo.com
and Wiki.com... after all, where else can a guy learn how to change
the points on a slant six AND how to evict an aborigines' family from
a desert island?
In article
<d3f66b8d-fbdc-403e-8ab5-aafa773fde1a@q18g2000yqj.googlegroups.com>,
Robatoy <[email protected]> wrote:
> Lemme guess... loosely translated from Norwegian? :-)
Liverpudlian actually.
Written and performed by "The Scaffold"
Sing out on the chorus! Now all together...
Lily the Pink
Chorus:
So we'll drink a drink a drink
To Lily the pink the pink the pink
The savior of the human race.
She invented medicinal compound
Most efficacious in every case.
Here's the story - a little bit gory,
A little bit happy, a little bit sad -
Of Lily the Pink and her medicinal compound
And how it drove her to the bad.
Johnny Hammer had a t-t-terrible s-s-stammer.
He could hardly s-s-say a word.
So they gave him medicinal compound,
And now he's seen, but never heard.
And Uncle Paul, he was terribly small. He
Was the shortest man in town.
So on his body he rubbed medicinal compound,
And now he's six foot, underground.
Ebenezer thought he was Julius Caesar
So they put him in a home
Where they gave him medicinal compound
Now he's Emperor of Rome.
And Freddie Clinger, the opera singer,
Who could break glasses with his voice they said.
He rubbed his tonsils with medicinal compound,
And now they break glasses over his head.
And Mr. Frears, who had sticky out ears.
And it made him awful shy.
So they gave him medicinal compound,
And now he's learning how to fly.
Brother Tony was notably bony
He would never eat his meals
And so they give him medicinal compound
Now they move him round on wheels
Jennifer Eccles had terrible freckles
All the boys would call her names
But she changed with medicinal compound
And now he joins in all their games
Lily the Pink, she - turned to drink, she -
Filled up with paraffin inside.
And in spite of medicinal compound.
Poor old pick-a-Lily died!
Up to heaven her soul ascended.
Oh, the church bells they did ring.
She took with her medicinal compound.
Hark the herald angels sing!
Robatoy wrote:
> On Dec 18, 12:24 pm, jo4hn <[email protected]> wrote:
>> Sing out on the chorus! Now all together...
>>
>> Lily the Pink
>>
>> Chorus:
>> So we'll drink a drink a drink
>> To Lily the pink the pink the pink
>> The savior of the human race.
>> She invented medicinal compound
>> Most efficacious in every case.
>>
[snip of Richard Rodgers sing-along]
>
> Lemme guess... loosely translated from Norwegian? :-)
And the more you drink, the looser it gets...
On Dec 18, 12:24=A0pm, jo4hn <[email protected]> wrote:
> Sing out on the chorus! =A0Now all together...
>
> Lily the Pink
>
> Chorus:
> So we'll drink a drink a drink
> To Lily the pink the pink the pink
> The savior of the human race.
> She invented medicinal compound
> Most efficacious in every case.
>
> Here's the story - a little bit gory,
> A little bit happy, a little bit sad -
> Of Lily the Pink and her medicinal compound
> And how it drove her to the bad.
>
> Johnny Hammer had a t-t-terrible s-s-stammer.
> He could hardly s-s-say a word.
> So they gave him medicinal compound,
> And now he's seen, but never heard.
>
> And Uncle Paul, he was terribly small. He
> Was the shortest man in town.
> So on his body he rubbed medicinal compound,
> And now he's six foot, underground.
>
> Ebenezer thought he was Julius Caesar
> So they put him in a home
> Where they gave him medicinal compound
> Now he's Emperor of Rome.
>
> And Freddie Clinger, the opera singer,
> Who could break glasses with his voice they said.
> He rubbed his tonsils with medicinal compound,
> And now they break glasses over his head.
>
> And Mr. Frears, who had sticky out ears.
> And it made him awful shy.
> So they gave him medicinal compound,
> And now he's learning how to fly.
>
> Brother Tony was notably bony
> He would never eat his meals
> And so they give him medicinal compound
> Now they move him round on wheels
>
> Jennifer Eccles had terrible freckles
> All the boys would call her names
> But she changed with medicinal compound
> And now he joins in all their games
>
> Lily the Pink, she - turned to drink, she -
> Filled up with paraffin inside.
> And in spite of medicinal compound.
> Poor old pick-a-Lily died!
>
> Up to heaven her soul ascended.
> Oh, the church bells they did ring.
> She took with her medicinal compound.
> Hark the herald angels sing!
Lemme guess... loosely translated from Norwegian? :-)
jo4hn wrote:
> Robatoy wrote:
>> On Dec 18, 12:24 pm, jo4hn <[email protected]> wrote:
>>> Sing out on the chorus! Now all together...
>>>
>>> Lily the Pink
>>>
>>> Chorus:
>>> So we'll drink a drink a drink
>>> To Lily the pink the pink the pink
>>> The savior of the human race.
>>> She invented medicinal compound
>>> Most efficacious in every case.
>>>
> [snip of Richard Rodgers sing-along]
>>
>> Lemme guess... loosely translated from Norwegian? :-)
> And the more you drink, the looser it gets...
Think Midol in the patent-medicine era. Quite a substantial company at one
time--I have an uncle who went to MIT on a Lydia Pinkham scholarship.