The following is apparently making the office rounds. My wife sent it to
me this a.m. After having my first prostate exam a month or so back, I
can semi-relate. ;)
_____
Things a man might say during a colonoscopy
A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his
patients (predominately male) while he was performing their
colonoscopies:
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone
before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, Now I know why I am not gay."
And the best one of them all...
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not
up there."
--
Owen Lowe and his Fly-by-Night Copper Company
____
"Sure we'll have fascism in America, but it'll come disguised
as 100% Americanism." -- Huey P. Long
On Fri, 10 Dec 2004 22:20:09 GMT, Ron Magen <[email protected]> wrote:
> {I'm trying to maneuver around my NEXT excursion now . . . It would be nice
> if they would agree that Bourbon was a 'clear liquid', and ingestion was
> allowed up to an hour before}
I had some stomach surgery done a couple of years ago, and clarified
with the surgeon _before_ I agreed to go in (not much choice, but
still...) that a good Single-Malt Scotch was in fact a "clear liquid".
That was for post-operative ingestion, though.
On Sat, 11 Dec 2004 00:35:59 GMT, Mortimer Schnerd, RN <[email protected]> wrote:
> Dave Hinz wrote:
>>
>> I had some stomach surgery done a couple of years ago, and clarified
>> with the surgeon _before_ I agreed to go in (not much choice, but
>> still...) that a good Single-Malt Scotch was in fact a "clear liquid".
>
> Five days after my gastric bypass, I had a few sips of beer on the theory that
> it was covered under the "clear liquids only" rule. Without going into detail,
> allow me to say it was a mistake.... a big mistake.
Yes, non-carbonated is definately important.
On Sat, 11 Dec 2004 00:35:59 GMT, "Mortimer Schnerd, RN"
<[email protected]> wrote:
>
>Five days after my gastric bypass, I had a few sips of beer on the theory that
>it was covered under the "clear liquids only" rule.
Uh, does this fall into the category of "shoemaker's children?" or did
you get your RN AFTER the surgery?
- -
LRod
Master Woodbutcher and seasoned termite
Shamelessly whoring my website since 1999
http://www.woodbutcher.net
One of the last things the medical corps did for me was give me a 'scope.
My comment was that things ended pretty much as they had begun.
"Fly-by-Night CC" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> The following is apparently making the office rounds. My wife sent it to
> me this a.m. After having my first prostate exam a month or so back, I
> can semi-relate. ;)
> _____
> Things a man might say during a colonoscopy
>
On Sat, 11 Dec 2004 15:56:14 GMT, Jim Behning
<[email protected]> wrote:
>There is nothing gross about the insides of a clean colon or
>intestine. I have seen pictures when I am working at that doctor's
>account. Processed food is kind of gross but you are cleaned up or out
>when you prep for it. Doc will fuss or compliment depending on how
>well you cleaned yourself up. The action video camera cannot be that
>bad. No different than looking at a heart, kidney or some other
>organs.
>
>Those web sites cited did not have pictures so don't work.
For the extremely morbidly curious. Someone just sent me this link the
past week.
http://www.EndoAtlas.com
The Capsule Endoscopy section's pretty neat. Wonder if they try to get
the camera back. The site will turn you into a hypochondriac though.
Every single possible thing that could go wrong with your insides.
On Sat, 11 Dec 2004 00:35:59 GMT, "Mortimer Schnerd, RN"
<[email protected]> wrote:
>
>Five days after my gastric bypass, I had a few sips of beer on the theory that
>it was covered under the "clear liquids only" rule. Without going into detail,
>allow me to say it was a mistake.... a big mistake.
>
>Thankfully, I'm able to drink pretty much anything now. I can eat most things
>now too... just not as much of them. A pizza that used to be one meal now lasts
>me for four.
Some of us have gotten to that stage without the
"benefit' of a gastric bypass....
On Thu, 16 Dec 2004 12:52:40 -0500, "Upscale" <[email protected]> wrote:
>> > Thankfully, I'm able to drink pretty much anything now. I can eat most
>> > things now too... just not as much of them. A pizza that used to be one
>meal now
>> > lasts me for four.
>
>As I've gotten older, I'm experiencing the same thing. Unfortunately the
>reduction in eating volume has not resulted in a reduction of weight. It
>might be because there's some reduction in exercise, but I tend to believe
>the older age has an accompanying slower internal physiology.
>
Man, you ain't kidding! I used to be able to eat anything, much to the
envy and aggravation of friends and colleagues (good genes). Now, I guess
I've gotten much more efficient at processing food, it sure doesn't take
much to put another pound on the scale the next morning. Shoulda' known
that was coming -- dad had the same kind of problem around my age also.
Thu, Dec 9, 2004, 1:43pm (EST-3) [email protected]
(Fly-by-Night=A0CC) claims:
The following is apparently making the office rounds. <snip>
Fortunately, I have a compassionate doctor that performs mine. They
get me wired up, I'm there talking with the nurses, next thing I know,
I'm out in recoversy. I get enough something to knock me out, but I
still remaiin aware enough to follow any instructions - roll a little,
etc. - but sill out of it enough to not remember any of it. I think I
would really not care to go thru that awake.
I did wake up when my surgeon was stitching me up, after takning
out a port-a-cath that had tilted. I asked if that was him - had my
glasses off - and when h said it was, asked him how he was doing. I
guess he thought I meant the surgery, becuse he said he was just
finishing up. I think they were afraid I was gonna sue, for waking up,
because they knocked me out again. LOL
JOAT
We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.
- unknown
Fly-by-Night CC wrote:
> The following is apparently making the office rounds. My wife sent it to
> me this a.m. After having my first prostate exam a month or so back, I
> can semi-relate. ;)
> _____
> Things a man might say during a colonoscopy
>
> A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his
> patients (predominately male) while he was performing their
> colonoscopies:
> 1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone
> before!"
> 2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
> 3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
> 4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
> 5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
> 6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
> 7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
> 8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
> 9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
> 10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
> 11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
> 12. "God, Now I know why I am not gay."
> And the best one of them all...
> 13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not
> up there."
>
I said something original like "Feet don't fail me now*!!" as I hustled
(as best I could) out the door... That was a once-in-a-lifetime
experience (I hope).
mahalo,
jo4hn
* anybody else remember those Charlie Chan films with Birmingham Brown
(played by Manton Moreland) using that now famous phrase?
Fri, Dec 10, 2004, 4:09pm (EST+5) [email protected] (jo4hn) wonders:
<snip>* anybody else remember those Charlie Chan films with Birmingham
Brown (played by Manton Moreland) using that now famous phrase?
They've got at least some of those movies on CD now. I've got
about 3 of 'em.
JOAT
We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.
- unknown
Dave Hinz wrote:
> On Fri, 10 Dec 2004 22:20:09 GMT, Ron Magen <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>> {I'm trying to maneuver around my NEXT excursion now . . . It would be nice
>> if they would agree that Bourbon was a 'clear liquid', and ingestion was
>> allowed up to an hour before}
>
> I had some stomach surgery done a couple of years ago, and clarified
> with the surgeon _before_ I agreed to go in (not much choice, but
> still...) that a good Single-Malt Scotch was in fact a "clear liquid".
> That was for post-operative ingestion, though.
Five days after my gastric bypass, I had a few sips of beer on the theory that
it was covered under the "clear liquids only" rule. Without going into detail,
allow me to say it was a mistake.... a big mistake.
Thankfully, I'm able to drink pretty much anything now. I can eat most things
now too... just not as much of them. A pizza that used to be one meal now lasts
me for four.
--
Mortimer Schnerd, RN
[email protected]
"Jim Behning" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> The sigmoidoscopy is no sedative. The air pumped in can make you bend
> over in gut pain like wicked bad gas.
> http://ibscrohns.about.com/cs/diagnostictesting/p/dtsigmoidoscopy.htm
The only good thing is that it is over in 10 minutes and you feel good when
the doctor says you have no problems! Kind of surreal watching it on the TV
screen as the probe is moving along. Reminded me of a 1950's science
fiction adventure.
Yeah, you really should have it done.
> > Thankfully, I'm able to drink pretty much anything now. I can eat most
> > things now too... just not as much of them. A pizza that used to be one
meal now
> > lasts me for four.
As I've gotten older, I'm experiencing the same thing. Unfortunately the
reduction in eating volume has not resulted in a reduction of weight. It
might be because there's some reduction in exercise, but I tend to believe
the older age has an accompanying slower internal physiology.
On Tue, 14 Dec 2004 03:20:01 GMT, Lazarus Long
<[email protected]> wrote:
>Thanks. Best laugh I've had in a while. I recently experienced this,
>I can relate. Although I didn't have any smart remarks for my doc.
Gawd, how could you resist the temptation to say "smart ASS remarks?"
Or was that a missed opportunity?
- -
LRod
Master Woodbutcher and seasoned termite
Shamelessly whoring my website since 1999
http://www.woodbutcher.net
"Mortimer Schnerd, RN" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Dave Hinz wrote:
> > On Fri, 10 Dec 2004 22:20:09 GMT, Ron Magen <[email protected]> wrote:
> >
> >> {I'm trying to maneuver around my NEXT excursion now . . . It would be
nice
> >> if they would agree that Bourbon was a 'clear liquid', and ingestion
was
> >> allowed up to an hour before}
> >
> > I had some stomach surgery done a couple of years ago, and clarified
> > with the surgeon _before_ I agreed to go in (not much choice, but
> > still...) that a good Single-Malt Scotch was in fact a "clear liquid".
> > That was for post-operative ingestion, though.
>
>
> Five days after my gastric bypass, I had a few sips of beer on the theory
that
> it was covered under the "clear liquids only" rule. Without going into
detail,
> allow me to say it was a mistake.... a big mistake.
>
> Thankfully, I'm able to drink pretty much anything now. I can eat most
things
> now too... just not as much of them. A pizza that used to be one meal now
lasts
> me for four.
Must be serendipity! In the midst of this thread, received the following
from a friend.
I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam.
His new nurse, Elaine, took me to an examining room
and told me to get undressed and have a seat
until the doctor could see me.
She said that he would only be a few minutes.
After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down.
While waiting I observed that there were three items
on a stand next to the exam table:
1. a Tube of K-Y jelly
2. a rubber glove
3. and a beer.
When the doctor finally came in I said,
"Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam.
I know what the K-Y is for,
and I know what the glove is for,
but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"
At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and
stormed over to the door.
He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse.......
Darn it ELAINE!!!!!!!!!!!
I said a BUTT LIGHT"
--
Nahmie
Those on the cutting edge bleed a lot.
"Fly-by-Night CC" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> In article <[email protected]>,
> "Norman D. Crow" <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> > I said a BUTT LIGHT"
>
> <Booo!>Hey, Fella. Don't quit yer day job!<Hissss!>
After this I'll remember to add the standard *disclaimer*! "I didn't give
birth to it." (LOL)
--
Nahmie
Those on the cutting edge bleed a lot.
"LRod" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> On Tue, 14 Dec 2004 03:20:01 GMT, Lazarus Long
> <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>
> >Thanks. Best laugh I've had in a while. I recently experienced this,
> >I can relate. Although I didn't have any smart remarks for my doc.
>
> Gawd, how could you resist the temptation to say "smart ASS remarks?"
> Or was that a missed opportunity?
Because not *all* of us are smart asses, like a certain un-named resident of
the Blue Hair State?
--
Nahmie
Those on the cutting edge bleed a lot.
Mon, Dec 13, 2004, 11:40pm [email protected] (Norman=A0D.=A0Crow)
admits:
<snip> Because not *all* of us are smart asses, <snip>
Dumb asses then?
JOAT
We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.
- unknown
On Thu, 09 Dec 2004 13:43:21 -0800, Fly-by-Night CC
<[email protected]> calmly ranted:
>The following is apparently making the office rounds. My wife sent it to
>me this a.m. After having my first prostate exam a month or so back, I
>can semi-relate. ;)
TRUE TERROR: Happening to notice that -both- of the doctor's hands
are on your shoulders during the prostate exam.
-snip of colonoscopy joke-
==========================================================
CAUTION: Do not use remaining fingers as pushsticks!
==========================================================
http://www.diversify.com Comprehensive Website Development
Thu, Dec 9, 2004, 3:47pm (EST-3) novalidaddress@di\/ersify.com
(Larry=A0Jaques) advises:
TRUE TERROR: Happening to notice that -both- of the doctor's hands are
on your shoulders during the prostate exam.
Have you changed your doctor yet? LMAO
JOAT
We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.
- unknown
The sigmoidoscopy is no sedative. The air pumped in can make you bend
over in gut pain like wicked bad gas. The doctor can let out on the
pressure for a few seconds when you whine and then pump you back up.
Maybe it was just me who was a few minutes late for the procedure who
got the painful treatment. Basically a look see at some hemorrhoid
problems. Drink more water is my self cure. Those things get itchy
when I am dehydrated.
http://ibscrohns.about.com/cs/diagnostictesting/p/dtsigmoidoscopy.htm
This is the good one that you have done if you have a family history
of colon cancer. Sedation is required lest you run out of the office
with a long probe sicking out your butt.
http://ibscrohns.about.com/cs/diagnostictesting/a/colonoscopy.htm
"Ron Magen" <[email protected]> wrote:
>jo4hn -
>
>Hate to disappoint you, Sport. After about age 50 it's an occasional thing.
>If they FOUND anything . . . it's every two years or so, especially if your
>wife works in GI and 'cares about you'.
>
>Plus . . . if it really is a 'scopeing' your not saying ANYTHING because you
>are 'unconscious'. {'waking sedation' actually . . . I went round and round
>that semantic tree with a 'gas passer' for some time}. It's really 'good
>stuff' with a amnesia-like after effect. Believe me, if you weren't 'out'
>you would think the Inquisition had returned !!
>
>Yes, I do remember the Chan movies, and a couple of others where similar
>characters used the phrase, 'FEETS don't fail me now !!'
>
>Regards & Good Luck,
>Ron Magen
>Backyard Boatshop
>{I'm trying to maneuver around my NEXT excursion now . . . It would be nice
>if they would agree that Bourbon was a 'clear liquid', and ingestion was
>allowed up to an hour before}
>
>"jo4hn" <[email protected]> wrote
>SNIP
>> > Things a man might say during a colonoscopy
>> >
>SNIP
>> I said something original like "Feet don't fail me now*!!" as I hustled
>> (as best I could) out the door... That was a once-in-a-lifetime
>> experience (I hope).
>> mahalo,
>> jo4hn
>>
>> * anybody else remember those Charlie Chan films with Birmingham Brown
>> (played by Manton Moreland) using that now famous phrase?
>
In article <[email protected]>,
Jim Behning <[email protected]> wrote:
> The sigmoidoscopy is no sedative. The air pumped in can make you bend
> over in gut pain like wicked bad gas. The doctor can let out on the
> pressure for a few seconds when you whine and then pump you back up.
> Maybe it was just me who was a few minutes late for the procedure who
> got the painful treatment. Basically a look see at some hemorrhoid
> problems. Drink more water is my self cure. Those things get itchy
> when I am dehydrated.
> http://ibscrohns.about.com/cs/diagnostictesting/p/dtsigmoidoscopy.htm
Oh God, I beseach thee, NO JPGS please.
--
Owen Lowe and his Fly-by-Night Copper Company
____
"Sure we'll have fascism in America, but it'll come disguised
as 100% Americanism." -- Huey P. Long
In article <[email protected]>,
"Norman D. Crow" <[email protected]> wrote:
> I said a BUTT LIGHT"
<Booo!>Hey, Fella. Don't quit yer day job!<Hissss!>
--
Owen Lowe and his Fly-by-Night Copper Company
____
"Sure we'll have fascism in America, but it'll come disguised
as 100% Americanism." -- Huey P. Long
On Thu, 09 Dec 2004 13:43:21 -0800, Fly-by-Night CC
<[email protected]> wrote:
>The following is apparently making the office rounds. My wife sent it to
>me this a.m. After having my first prostate exam a month or so back, I
>can semi-relate. ;)
>_____
>Things a man might say during a colonoscopy
May I add:
"While you're up that far why don't you check my tonsils?"
Tim Douglass
http://www.DouglassClan.com
In article <[email protected]>,
"Mortimer Schnerd, RN" <[email protected]> wrote:
> Thankfully, I'm able to drink pretty much anything now. I can eat most
> things
> now too... just not as much of them. A pizza that used to be one meal now
> lasts
> me for four.
>
>
>
> --
> Mortimer Schnerd, RN
Mort (from sci.med.n.!)
how are ya doin. yea, those colonoscopies can be bizarre.
Fortunately, versed works wonders. the true soft sledge hammer!
Someone
--
************************
[email protected]
There is nothing gross about the insides of a clean colon or
intestine. I have seen pictures when I am working at that doctor's
account. Processed food is kind of gross but you are cleaned up or out
when you prep for it. Doc will fuss or compliment depending on how
well you cleaned yourself up. The action video camera cannot be that
bad. No different than looking at a heart, kidney or some other
organs.
Those web sites cited did not have pictures so don't work. To think
that people here think shooting nails into body parts or running
fingers through bandsaws are no big deal but going in for a
health/life saving procedure grosses them out.
Fly-by-Night CC <[email protected]> wrote:
>In article <[email protected]>,
> Jim Behning <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>> The sigmoidoscopy is no sedative. The air pumped in can make you bend
>> over in gut pain like wicked bad gas. The doctor can let out on the
>> pressure for a few seconds when you whine and then pump you back up.
>> Maybe it was just me who was a few minutes late for the procedure who
>> got the painful treatment. Basically a look see at some hemorrhoid
>> problems. Drink more water is my self cure. Those things get itchy
>> when I am dehydrated.
>> http://ibscrohns.about.com/cs/diagnostictesting/p/dtsigmoidoscopy.htm
>
>Oh God, I beseach thee, NO JPGS please.
Jim Behning responds:
>There is nothing gross about the insides of a clean colon or
>intestine. I have seen pictures when I am working at that doctor's
>account. Processed food is kind of gross but you are cleaned up or out
>when you prep for it. Doc will fuss or compliment depending on how
>well you cleaned yourself up.
It's the blinking clean-up that is gross!
Charlie Self
"Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to." Mark Twain
Big chuckle.
[email protected] (Charlie Self) wrote:
>Jim Behning responds:
>
>>There is nothing gross about the insides of a clean colon or
>>intestine. I have seen pictures when I am working at that doctor's
>>account. Processed food is kind of gross but you are cleaned up or out
>>when you prep for it. Doc will fuss or compliment depending on how
>>well you cleaned yourself up.
>
>It's the blinking clean-up that is gross!
>
>Charlie Self
>"Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to." Mark Twain
jo4hn -
Hate to disappoint you, Sport. After about age 50 it's an occasional thing.
If they FOUND anything . . . it's every two years or so, especially if your
wife works in GI and 'cares about you'.
Plus . . . if it really is a 'scopeing' your not saying ANYTHING because you
are 'unconscious'. {'waking sedation' actually . . . I went round and round
that semantic tree with a 'gas passer' for some time}. It's really 'good
stuff' with a amnesia-like after effect. Believe me, if you weren't 'out'
you would think the Inquisition had returned !!
Yes, I do remember the Chan movies, and a couple of others where similar
characters used the phrase, 'FEETS don't fail me now !!'
Regards & Good Luck,
Ron Magen
Backyard Boatshop
{I'm trying to maneuver around my NEXT excursion now . . . It would be nice
if they would agree that Bourbon was a 'clear liquid', and ingestion was
allowed up to an hour before}
"jo4hn" <[email protected]> wrote
SNIP
> > Things a man might say during a colonoscopy
> >
SNIP
> I said something original like "Feet don't fail me now*!!" as I hustled
> (as best I could) out the door... That was a once-in-a-lifetime
> experience (I hope).
> mahalo,
> jo4hn
>
> * anybody else remember those Charlie Chan films with Birmingham Brown
> (played by Manton Moreland) using that now famous phrase?
I can only add my comment upon my exit:
Where's the excape hatch?
The staff got quite a giggle.
--=20
PDQ
--
=20
"Fly-by-Night CC" <[email protected]> wrote in message =
news:[email protected]...
| as 100% Americanism." -- Huey P. Long
<SNIP>
On Thu, 09 Dec 2004 13:43:21 -0800, Fly-by-Night CC
<[email protected]> wrote:
>The following is apparently making the office rounds. My wife sent it to
>me this a.m. After having my first prostate exam a month or so back, I
>can semi-relate. ;)
>_____
>Things a man might say during a colonoscopy
>
>A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his
> patients (predominately male) while he was performing their
>colonoscopies:
> 1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone
> before!"
>2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
>3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
>4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
>5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
>6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
>7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
>8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
>9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
>10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
>11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
>12. "God, Now I know why I am not gay."
> And the best one of them all...
>13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not
>up there."
Thanks. Best laugh I've had in a while. I recently experienced this,
I can relate. Although I didn't have any smart remarks for my doc.