Totally agree.. as does this writer:
October 28, 2005
What a tool
The sad, sorry life of Canadian Tire Guy
JOHN INTINI
If you'd like to see Tim (The Tool Man) Taylor kick the Canadian
Tire Guy's ass, you're not alone. Canadian Tire's long-running ad
campaign -- starring the Ned Flanders of home improvement -- seems directly
aimed at middle-aged, middle-class suburbanites who are desperate to keep
their lawns neatly trimmed and their minivans perfectly polished (a.k.a. the
crowd that already goes to Canadian Tire 1.8 times a week). Problem is, it
seems nearly everybody else can't stand him.
The prince of Simoniz pressure washers -- the pitchman on one of
Canada's most hated ad campaigns -- has proven especially repulsive to
bloggers. Every mention of him on the Web results in a string of nasty posts
written with a rage so visceral it's hard not to fear for the safety of
Canadian Tire Guy's fictional family. If he lived in any real Canadian
neighbourhood, somebody would probably have glue-gunned his lips shut. But
there he is on TV, showing his neighbours how to attach a set of MotoMaster
Precise Fit Teflon windshield wipers, or tightening a bolt with his trusty
Mastercraft speed ratchet. He's even spawned wannabes -- a selection of
would-be Canadian Tire guys and gals who've appeared in commercials this
fall.
[Munched]
But who exactly are they emulating? What do we really know about
this man in well-pressed plaid and stain-resistant khakis (he must be a
preferred customer at Mark's Work Wearhouse)? And what does he say about the
state of the Canadian male?
Curiously, Canadian Tire officials and their Toronto-based ad
agency don't want to talk about him. Ted Simonett (the actor) reportedly has
a no-interview clause in his contract -- intensifying the mystery of this
strange Canadian icon. All that is left to go on are the 30- and 60-second
TV spots, which are like Saturday Night Live skits without the punchlines.
Gorge yourself on about 50 of these ads in an afternoon and things start
making sense. It's not a pretty picture. If Canadian Tire Guy is meant to be
Everyman, God help us.
The initial impression is one of domestic bliss. He and his
wife -- whom he's never fought with or even raised his voice to -- have a
son, a dog and a minivan. He also has a cottage and a boat. Over the years,
he's done a perfect job of grooming his salt-'n'-pepper beard (probably uses
the Yardworks cordless hedge trimmer). And he wasn't always annoying. In the
early days, Canadian Tire Guy kept pretty quiet about all of his gadgets. He
and his wife would share in the joy of a LePage caulking gun or the Dutch
Boy no-drip paint can, but they kept their rapture to themselves.
One can only imagine the scale of the latent insecurity that one
day erupted into a full-scale identity crisis (he was probably one of those
boys who was constantly towel-whipped in the high school showers) and turned
him into an overcompensating know-it-all. Now, anyone walking by his house
gets hit up for a Mastercraft public service announcement. Canadian Tire Guy
looks out from his garage with that smug look of superiority and promptly
illustrates the inferiority of his buddy's tool. It's no wonder his "friend"
didn't tell him that the cabin he lent him for a weekend didn't have any
electricity. He was probably getting back at Canadian Tire Guy for the
tongue-lashing he received for buying a sander from Sears.
Meanwhile, Canadian Tire Guy just continues his mass
accumulation of tools (it doesn't take a sex therapist to figure out what's
going on there). When he first appeared several years ago, he pitched some
pretty useful items. Who couldn't use the Mastercraft Sure Shot staple gun
(no kickback!) or the Oskar 3-in-1 snow brush. But come on -- what are most
people going to do with solar panels for a boat? And who could ever
recommend that someone play hockey wearing skates with a dial that tightens
them, instead of regular laces?
What does Canadian Tire Guy do for a living? Every time he jumps
in his car it seems he's simply testing out his new Monroe brake pads or
heading off to Canadian Tire for another gadget (it's as if Canadian Tire
keeps a tracking bracelet on his ankle to keep him from checking out Home
Depot). He does have a lot of free time in the summer -- he's probably a
high school geography teacher.
He's definitely threatened. His wife has changed her hairstyle a
couple of times, but the most noticeable transformation is her new bold
attitude. For a long time, her domestic role was clearly defined.
Occasionally, she'd head out of the house on her own -- no farther than the
curb -- to help a dumbfounded neighbour with a dead car battery. Usually,
she stayed in, drooling over products like the motion-sensor kitchen faucet
or the "perfect for guests" inflatable mattress. But she's recently stepped
it up. Especially the time she stole the family's all-terrain vehicle,
leaving her husband and his buddy looking even dorkier than usual, sporting
matching helmets and goofy grins beside the shed. You can imagine Canadian
Tire Guy's chagrin when his wife heads out for a night with the girls and
mentions she's got the stud finder in her purse.
In fact, take away his tools and what have you got? There's no
doubt he's the type who always stops for directions when he's lost, and
watches the safety video each time he gets on an airplane. He also probably
reads manuals from front to back. And he's certainly more domesticated than
ever. Recently, when his wife spilled coffee beans all over the kitchen,
Canadian Tire Guy sprinted to the closet to grab their brand new Shark
vacuum cleaner (so new, in fact, his wife didn't even know they owned it) to
clean up the mess. He then hit every other room in the house, illustrating
its powerful suction power.
And then there's his son, Bobby, whom we've literally watched
grow up between commercial breaks. It seemed like only yesterday (or was it
last summer?) that Canadian Tire Guy and his wife were building him a wooden
race car with their Mastercraft spin-saw. Now, he's almost a teenager -- and
has become increasingly demanding. When he invited friends over to play in
the family's inflatable pool, he sulked while his overly enthused parents
set everything up. Canadian Tire Guy's apparent ineffectiveness at
discipline has turned his son into a brat who spends most of his time in the
back seat of his parents' van playing video games or watching movies on
their portable DVD player -- especially on camping trips. (He's probably
taken to insulting his father's taste in movies, refusing to play Sleepless
in Seattle, which Dad has seen 49 times since finding it in the cheap bin at
his favourite store.)
But who can blame the kid? Canadian Tire Guy always picks the
worst weekends to camp. It rains pretty much every time the family heads to
the bush. And to make matters worse, the family is always unprepared --
having to use their inflatable beds as cover when running between the car
and the tent. An umbrella -- also available at Canadian Tire -- would be a
good investment.
Although not clear from the ads, it's safe to assume Canadian
Tire Guy likes a good singalong. Soon as the cameras turn off, he probably
grabs a guitar from the trunk and tortures his family with an extended
version of Stairway to Heaven around the camp fire. He certainly seems the
classic rock type -- bet he loves the Eagles and Eric Clapton. But for
romance, he probably pulls an old Chris de Burgh tape from his underwear
drawer (undoubtedly filled with tighty whiteys) and lets Lady in Red take
over. Too bad he plays it while tenderly turning on his Shop-Vac.
He seems to be a caring husband and father. Just think back to
that rainy night when his wife and son were on a road with a flat tire, and
Canadian Tire Guy had thoughtfully left a cute little note in the trunk and,
more important, the Airman Tire repair kit. But sensitive or not, he's
obviously alienated most of his extended family -- except for a couple of
nephews. One appears in a parking lot after a round of golf, gushing over
his uncle's new halogen headlights. Another shows up in the company's
back-to-school ad, during which Canadian Tire Guy and his wife outfit his
college dorm room with ridiculous furniture that looks rock hard. If
Canadian Tire Guy is looking to win the "Uncle of The Year Award," he should
have shown up with a case of beer instead of a recliner that doubles as an
ottoman.
The rest of his relatives probably grew tired of receiving
rechargeable battery kits and super-powered flashlights for Christmas, and
cut him out of family functions. As for his neighbours, chances are he's the
guy who never gets invited to street parties. Too bad, because Canadian Tire
Guy could use a thick steak and a couple of cold ones, though he's probably
maintained his svelte figure into middle age by watching his red meat intake
and drinking tasteless, low-carb beer. (No more than two, though, lest he
wind up hanging off the roof from his tool belt.)
But Canadian Tire Guy's greatest indignity is still to come --
likely, sooner rather than later -- when he's kicked out of the make-believe
neighbourhood. The new batch of Canadian Tire handymen seem to be taking
over, and having to play second fiddle must be killing him. It can't be
easy, even for a fictional character, to have a mid-life crisis play out on
national TV. Maybe, in one last-ditch effort to prove his manliness, he'll
try hanging out with a couple of Tool Time girls -- especially if they
promise to bring over their new Mastercraft laser saw.
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"Robatoy"
>> Am I the only one who would like to see them both run over by a snow
>> plow.
>
> He:
> A tofu sucking, green tea slurping, Volvo driving, tree hugger.
> Builds a cottage in an afternoon with a $200 table saw.
>
> She:
> A tofu sucking, green tea slurping, Volvo driving, tree hugger's
> politically correct feminist ditzy goofball wife. Decorates cottage in
> the evening over supper made for 12 on a $ 10.00 Super Grill.
>
> Snow Plow? Naaa.. I 'd like to smack their heads together and listen to
> them ring.
>
> Nothing personal, you unnerstan...
Very Funny!
However, here in SoCal, we too have our generic, Subaru driving, birkenstock
wearing, left wing, spotted owl, baby seal and whale saving, granola eating,
tree setting, solar powered, no-nuke nuckleheads as well!
But the weather is great!
Dave
Posted Via Usenet.com Premium Usenet Newsgroup Services
----------------------------------------------------------
** SPEED ** RETENTION ** COMPLETION ** ANONYMITY **
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http://www.usenet.com
The DC entity posted thusly:
>Oleg Lego wrote:
>> The DC entity posted thusly:
>
>>>Mike wrote:
>>>> Totally agree.. as does this writer:
>
>>>Coincidentally, I was listening to a late night radio talk show, last
>>>week, where they were conducting a poll on the most annoying person of
>>>2005. Canadian Tire Guy came in in second to Ben Mulroney. }:O)
>
>> Personally, I think the CTC guy and Ben Mulroney should come in a
>> distant second and third to Mike Bullard.
>
>I said 2005, not 1995. }:O)
As long as he wastes oxygen, he will be #1 on any list I make.
My sister-in-law just acquired tickets to see him in Regina. I asked
if it was for 10th prize in a contest whose first prize was 2 bucks,
cash.
On Mon, 2 Jan 2006 07:46:29 -0600, "Swingman" <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>Yabbut, does she have big hoooters?
>
What's the point? She's an ugly smarmy corporation shill. She won't
let you touch them and why would you want to ?
<[email protected]> wrote in message
> "Swingman" wrote:
>
> >
> >Yabbut, does she have big hoooters?
> >
> What's the point?
Read my other post ...
She's an ugly smarmy corporation shill. She won't
> let you touch them and why would you want to ?
Well, I _always_ reserve the right to make that determination.
That bad, eh? Bad enough to desecrate the Canadian flag at closing time?
--
www.e-woodshop.net
Last update: 12/13/05
On Mon, 2 Jan 2006 07:46:29 -0600, "Swingman" <[email protected]> wrote:
>"Robatoy" wrote in message
>
>> [email protected] wrote:
>>
>> > Am I the only one who would like to see them both run over by a snow
>plow.
>>
>> He:
>> A tofu sucking, green tea slurping, Volvo driving, tree hugger.
>> Builds a cottage in an afternoon with a $200 table saw.
>>
>> She:
>> A tofu sucking, green tea slurping, Volvo driving, tree hugger's
>> politically correct feminist ditzy goofball wife. Decorates cottage in
>> the evening over supper made for 12 on a $ 10.00 Super Grill.
>>
>> Snow Plow? Naaa.. I 'd like to smack their heads together and listen to
>> them ring.
>>
>> Nothing personal, you unnerstan...
>
>Yabbut, does she have big hoooters?
It could be just me but I find her completely unattractive in every way
possible. A bit creepy as well.
Her hubby has a creepy air about him as well.
"Robatoy" wrote in message
> [email protected] wrote:
>
> > Am I the only one who would like to see them both run over by a snow
plow.
>
> He:
> A tofu sucking, green tea slurping, Volvo driving, tree hugger.
> Builds a cottage in an afternoon with a $200 table saw.
>
> She:
> A tofu sucking, green tea slurping, Volvo driving, tree hugger's
> politically correct feminist ditzy goofball wife. Decorates cottage in
> the evening over supper made for 12 on a $ 10.00 Super Grill.
>
> Snow Plow? Naaa.. I 'd like to smack their heads together and listen to
> them ring.
>
> Nothing personal, you unnerstan...
Yabbut, does she have big hoooters?
--
www.e-woodshop.net
Last update: 12/13/05
In article <[email protected]>,
[email protected] says...
>
> Am I the only one who would like to see them both run over by a snow plow.
>
You do realize that the thread you started means that the advert.
campaign is working? --You aren't a Canadian Tire corp. shill are you?
:-)
And I hate the pair of them as well. AND the agency that came up with
this irritant.
I just hit mute when they come on and supply my own dialogue.
Everyone I know, and I mean everyone, thinks he's a scary looking.
--
Bob
Travel and Astronomy Photos
http://www3.sympatico.ca/bomo
<[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
> Am I the only one who would like to see them both run over by a snow plow.
ya they are the laughing stock of french comedy show
Personally, I would like to see a contest to see a new guizmo to make their
life miserable ;)
<[email protected]> a écrit dans le message de news:
[email protected]...
>
> Am I the only one who would like to see them both run over by a snow plow.
<[email protected]> wrote in message
> Hey, I'm with you.
> I'd like to see Jim Carrey and Pamela Anderson team up as the new Canadian
Tire
> Couple.
Though I've never seen your CTC, my vote would be for me and Scarlett
Johannson.
--
www.e-woodshop.net
Last update: 12/13/05
<[email protected]> wrote in message
> "Swingman" wrote:
>
> >"Robatoy" wrote in message
> >
> >> [email protected] wrote:
> >>
> >> > Am I the only one who would like to see them both run over by a snow
> >plow.
> >>
> >> He:
> >> A tofu sucking, green tea slurping, Volvo driving, tree hugger.
> >> Builds a cottage in an afternoon with a $200 table saw.
> >>
> >> She:
> >> A tofu sucking, green tea slurping, Volvo driving, tree hugger's
> >> politically correct feminist ditzy goofball wife. Decorates cottage in
> >> the evening over supper made for 12 on a $ 10.00 Super Grill.
> >>
> >> Snow Plow? Naaa.. I 'd like to smack their heads together and listen
to
> >> them ring.
> >>
> >> Nothing personal, you unnerstan...
> >
> >Yabbut, does she have big hoooters?
>
> It could be just me but I find her completely unattractive in every way
> possible. A bit creepy as well.
> Her hubby has a creepy air about him as well.
Then no big hooters, eh? You Canuckistani's obviously haven't figured out
what's important for DIY TV in this day and age.
--
www.e-woodshop.net
Last update: 12/13/05
On Mon, 2 Jan 2006 13:58:26 -0600, "Swingman" <[email protected]> wrote:
>
><[email protected]> wrote in message
>> "Swingman" wrote:
>>
>> >"Robatoy" wrote in message
>> >
>> >> [email protected] wrote:
>> >>
>> >> > Am I the only one who would like to see them both run over by a snow
>> >plow.
>> >>
>> >> He:
>> >> A tofu sucking, green tea slurping, Volvo driving, tree hugger.
>> >> Builds a cottage in an afternoon with a $200 table saw.
>> >>
>> >> She:
>> >> A tofu sucking, green tea slurping, Volvo driving, tree hugger's
>> >> politically correct feminist ditzy goofball wife. Decorates cottage in
>> >> the evening over supper made for 12 on a $ 10.00 Super Grill.
>> >>
>> >> Snow Plow? Naaa.. I 'd like to smack their heads together and listen
>to
>> >> them ring.
>> >>
>> >> Nothing personal, you unnerstan...
>> >
>> >Yabbut, does she have big hoooters?
>>
>> It could be just me but I find her completely unattractive in every way
>> possible. A bit creepy as well.
>> Her hubby has a creepy air about him as well.
>
>Then no big hooters, eh? You Canuckistani's obviously haven't figured out
>what's important for DIY TV in this day and age.
Hey, I'm with you.
I'd like to see Jim Carrey and Pamela Anderson team up as the new Canadian Tire
Couple.
In article <[email protected]>,
[email protected] wrote:
[snipped for brevity]
> >
> >Then no big hooters, eh? You Canuckistani's obviously haven't figured out
> >what's important for DIY TV in this day and age.
>
> Hey, I'm with you.
> I'd like to see Jim Carrey and Pamela Anderson team up as the new Canadian
> Tire
> Couple.
I'd rather have a date with a rubber doll than Pamela Anderson...
waitasec...she *IS* a rubber doll! Still, I'd rather have a real rubber
doll.
Yissireebob... a rubber doll, easily inflated with this here Canadian
Tire CO-2 cartridge powered road-side Inflator. Just screw this here
nipple onto this here nipple.... pull the trigger and HowdyYouDo ma'm!
Remember, just one cartridge! A second cartridge could over-inflate your
girlfriend and have her blow a toe, which could result in an involuntary
ride out the window of your 4th story apartment.
In article <[email protected]>,
[email protected] wrote:
[snipped for brevity]
> Her hubby has a creepy air about him as well.
Guys with facial hair invariably have something to hide.
In article <[email protected]>,
[email protected] wrote:
> Am I the only one who would like to see them both run over by a snow plow.
He:
A tofu sucking, green tea slurping, Volvo driving, tree hugger.
Builds a cottage in an afternoon with a $200 table saw.
She:
A tofu sucking, green tea slurping, Volvo driving, tree hugger's
politically correct feminist ditzy goofball wife. Decorates cottage in
the evening over supper made for 12 on a $ 10.00 Super Grill.
Snow Plow? Naaa.. I 'd like to smack their heads together and listen to
them ring.
Nothing personal, you unnerstan...
On 06/01/2006 11:19 AM, phorbin wrote:
> In article <[email protected]>,
> [email protected] says...
>
>>Am I the only one who would like to see them both run over by a snow plow.
>>
>
>
> You do realize that the thread you started means that the advert.
> campaign is working?
It means that way too many people watch way too much TV, and pay way too
much attention to the ads.
The DC entity posted thusly:
>Mike wrote:
>> Totally agree.. as does this writer:
>Coincidentally, I was listening to a late night radio talk show, last
>week, where they were conducting a poll on the most annoying person of
>2005. Canadian Tire Guy came in in second to Ben Mulroney. }:O)
Personally, I think the CTC guy and Ben Mulroney should come in a
distant second and third to Mike Bullard.
On Sun, 01 Jan 2006 21:21:25 -0500, Robatoy <[email protected]>
wrote:
>In article <[email protected]>,
> [email protected] wrote:
>
>> Am I the only one who would like to see them both run over by a snow plow.
>
>He:
>A tofu sucking, green tea slurping, Volvo driving, tree hugger.
>Builds a cottage in an afternoon with a $200 table saw.
>
>She:
>A tofu sucking, green tea slurping, Volvo driving, tree hugger's
>politically correct feminist ditzy goofball wife. Decorates cottage in
>the evening over supper made for 12 on a $ 10.00 Super Grill.
>
>Snow Plow? Naaa.. I 'd like to smack their heads together and listen to
>them ring.
>
> Nothing personal, you unnerstan...
This made me laugh out loud.
Thanks.
Tom Watson
http://home.comcast.net/~tjwatson1/
On Fri, 06 Jan 2006 13:08:23 -0500, Doug Payne <[email protected]> wrote:
>On 06/01/2006 11:19 AM, phorbin wrote:
>> In article <[email protected]>,
>> [email protected] says...
>>
>>>Am I the only one who would like to see them both run over by a snow plow.
>>>
>>
>>
>> You do realize that the thread you started means that the advert.
>> campaign is working?
>
>It means that way too many people watch way too much TV, and pay way too
>much attention to the ads.
I haven't been in Canadian Tire since last spring
I bought a car battery on my CC and it failed after 2 months.
I had my receipt but NO warranty card. I have no idea where it went. I don't
even recall seeing it.
They basically told me the receipt was no good because I could be trying to
return ANY old battery. I could be trying to rip THEM off.
So I'm out $89 bucks.
And Canadian Tire lost a long time customer. Most of my wood shop and all my
house lighting was bought there.
It's no loss to me because our city has grown and there are many places that can
beat Canadian tire in both quality and price.
I'll never go back.
On Fri, 6 Jan 2006 11:19:55 -0500, phorbin <[email protected]> wrote:
>In article <[email protected]>,
>[email protected] says...
>>
>> Am I the only one who would like to see them both run over by a snow plow.
>>
>
>You do realize that the thread you started means that the advert.
>campaign is working? --You aren't a Canadian Tire corp. shill are you?
>
>:-)
>
>And I hate the pair of them as well. AND the agency that came up with
>this irritant.
>
>I just hit mute when they come on and supply my own dialogue.
At least they didn't hire Bill Shatner.
Have you seen his Chrysler ads?
Robatoy wrote:
> In article <[email protected]>,
> [email protected] wrote:
>> Am I the only one who would like to see them both run over by a snow plow.
> He:
> A tofu sucking, green tea slurping, Volvo driving, tree hugger.
> Builds a cottage in an afternoon with a $200 table saw.
> She:
> A tofu sucking, green tea slurping, Volvo driving, tree hugger's
> politically correct feminist ditzy goofball wife. Decorates cottage in
> the evening over supper made for 12 on a $ 10.00 Super Grill.
> Snow Plow? Naaa.. I 'd like to smack their heads together and listen to
> them ring.
> Nothing personal, you unnerstan...
Best post of the day. }:O)
--
DC Linux RU #1000111011000111001
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many'
and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
Mike wrote:
> Totally agree.. as does this writer:
> October 28, 2005
> What a tool
> The sad, sorry life of Canadian Tire Guy
> JOHN INTINI
Wonderful!!! Thanks for this -- great fun. }:O)
Here's a link to the original story on macleans.ca.
http://www.macleans.ca/topstories/life/article.jsp?content=20051031_114409_114409
Boy, he's really got him pegged.
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DC Linux RU #1000111011000111001
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many'
and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
Mike wrote:
> Totally agree.. as does this writer:
[second reply]
Coincidentally, I was listening to a late night radio talk show, last
week, where they were conducting a poll on the most annoying person of
2005. Canadian Tire Guy came in in second to Ben Mulroney. }:O)
--
DC Linux RU #1000111011000111001
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many'
and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
Oleg Lego wrote:
> The DC entity posted thusly:
>>Mike wrote:
>>> Totally agree.. as does this writer:
>>Coincidentally, I was listening to a late night radio talk show, last
>>week, where they were conducting a poll on the most annoying person of
>>2005. Canadian Tire Guy came in in second to Ben Mulroney. }:O)
> Personally, I think the CTC guy and Ben Mulroney should come in a
> distant second and third to Mike Bullard.
I said 2005, not 1995. }:O)
--
DC Linux RU #1000111011000111001
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many'
and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
Oleg Lego wrote:
> The DC entity posted thusly:
>>Oleg Lego wrote:
>>> The DC entity posted thusly:
>>>>Mike wrote:
>>>>> Totally agree.. as does this writer:
>>>>Coincidentally, I was listening to a late night radio talk show, last
>>>>week, where they were conducting a poll on the most annoying person of
>>>>2005. Canadian Tire Guy came in in second to Ben Mulroney. }:O)
>>> Personally, I think the CTC guy and Ben Mulroney should come in a
>>> distant second and third to Mike Bullard.
>>I said 2005, not 1995. }:O)
> As long as he wastes oxygen, he will be #1 on any list I make.
> My sister-in-law just acquired tickets to see him in Regina. I asked
> if it was for 10th prize in a contest whose first prize was 2 bucks,
> cash.
I used to live in Machoire d'Orignal -- that's likely the most exciting
thing to do in Regina, quite frankly. Good deal. }:O)
--
DC Linux RU #1000111011000111001
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many'
and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.