O/T: A Crusty Old Golfer

On Jan 10, 11:11=A0pm, "Lew Hodgett" <[email protected]> wrote:
> Enjoy
>
> Lew
> --------------------------------------
> A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and
> heads into the 19th Hole Grill Room.
>
> As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over
> the bar
> COLD BEER: $2.00
> HAMBURGER: $2.25
> CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
> CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
> HAND JOB: $50.00
>
> Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old
> golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive
> female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled
> golfers.
>
> She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.
>
> "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"
>
> The old golfer leans over the bar, "I was wondering, young lady," he
> whispers.....
> "Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?
>
> She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs..........
> "Yes Sir , I sure am"
>
> The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear whispers
> softly,.......
>
> "Well, wash your hands really really good.......,
> cause I want a cheeseburger."

Nice!

A group of guys lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf.
One got transferred to another city. It wasn't the same without him. A
woman overheard the guys talking about their golf round. She said, "I
used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you
mind if I joined you next week?"

The three guys looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say 'yes',
but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but
they would be starting early -- at 6:30 a.m. He figured the early tee-time
would discourage her.

The woman said this may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to 15
minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said okay. She smiled and said,
"Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45." She showed up at 6:30 sharp, and,
playing right-handed, beat all three of them with an eye-opening
two-under-par round She was fun and a pleasant person, and the guys
were impressed Back at the clubhouse, they congratulated her and
invited her back the next week. She smiled, and said, "I'll be there at
6:30 or 6:45."

The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she played
left-handed. The three guys were incredulous as she still beat them with an
even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They were totally amazed.
They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem
to be purposely showing them up. They invited her back again, but each man
harbored a burning desire to beat her.

The third week, the guys had their game faces on. But this time, she was
15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable. This week the lady again
played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them. The men mused that
her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she was
so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, they couldn't hold a
grudge.

Back in the clubhouse, all three guys were shaking their heads. This woman
was a riddle no one could figure out. They had a couple of beers, and finally,
one of the men asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to
golf right-handed or left-handed?"

The lady blushed, and grinned. "That's easy," she said. "When my Dad taught
me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to switch back and
forth. When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps
in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in
the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his
you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was
pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed."

The guys thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre
information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointing straight
up?

She said, "Then, I'm going to be fifteen minutes late."

In news:[email protected],
[email protected] <[email protected]> spewed forth:
> A group of guys lived and died for their Saturday morning round of
> golf.
> One got transferred to another city. It wasn't the same without him.
> A
> woman overheard the guys talking about their golf round. She said, "I
> used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would
> you
> mind if I joined you next week?"
>
> The three guys looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say
> 'yes',
> but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay,
> but they would be starting early -- at 6:30 a.m. He figured the early
> tee-time would discourage her.
>
> The woman said this may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to
> 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said okay. She smiled
> and said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45." She showed up at
> 6:30 sharp, and, playing right-handed, beat all three of them with an
> eye-opening two-under-par round She was fun and a pleasant person,
> and the guys
> were impressed Back at the clubhouse, they congratulated her and
> invited her back the next week. She smiled, and said, "I'll be there
> at 6:30 or 6:45."
>
> The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she
> played left-handed. The three guys were incredulous as she still beat
> them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They
> were totally amazed. They couldn't figure her out. She was again very
> pleasant and didn't seem
> to be purposely showing them up. They invited her back again, but
> each man harbored a burning desire to beat her.
>
> The third week, the guys had their game faces on. But this time, she
> was 15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable. This week the
> lady again played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them.
> The men mused that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on
> her part. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their
> strong play, they couldn't hold a grudge.
>
> Back in the clubhouse, all three guys were shaking their heads. This
> woman was a riddle no one could figure out. They had a couple of
> beers, and finally, one of the men asked her point blank, "How do you
> decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
>
> The lady blushed, and grinned. "That's easy," she said. "When my Dad
> taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to
> switch back and forth. When I got married after college, I discovered
> my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a
> silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I
> would pull the covers off him. If his you-know-what was pointing to
> the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I
> golfed left-handed."
>
> The guys thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre
> information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointing
> straight up?
>
> She said, "Then, I'm going to be fifteen minutes late."

good one, here's another


A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up
ahead of him and went to her and said "Can you please help me, I don't
know what hole I'm on"

She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6".

He thanked her and continued playing golf. On the back nine he got
lost again. He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of
embarrassed.

"I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please
tell me what hole I'm on"

She told him "you are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13."

Again he thanked her and continued playing golf.

When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and
asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted.

As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for
a living.

"I'm in sales"

He replied "no kidding so am I. What do you sell?"

She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading
to know what she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to
laugh.

He promised.

She said, "I sell tampons".

He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.

She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh".

He replied "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper.
I'm still one hole behind you."

"Lew Hodgett" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Enjoy
>
> Lew
> --------------------------------------
> A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and
> heads into the 19th Hole Grill Room.
>
> As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over
> the bar
> COLD BEER: $2.00
> HAMBURGER: $2.25
> CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
> CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
> HAND JOB: $50.00
>
> Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old
> golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive
> female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled
> golfers.
>
> She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.
>
> "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"
>
> The old golfer leans over the bar, "I was wondering, young lady," he
> whispers.....
> "Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?
>
> She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs..........
> "Yes Sir , I sure am"
>
> The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear whispers
> softly,.......
>
> "Well, wash your hands really really good.......,
> cause I want a cheeseburger."
>


You don't like your cheeseburgers with crusty bits on them ??

"George W Frost" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
> "Lew Hodgett" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
>> Enjoy
>>
>> Lew
>> --------------------------------------
>> A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and
>> heads into the 19th Hole Grill Room.
>>
>> As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over
>> the bar
>> COLD BEER: $2.00
>> HAMBURGER: $2.25
>> CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
>> CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
>> HAND JOB: $50.00
>>
>> Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old
>> golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive
>> female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled
>> golfers.
>>
>> She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.
>>
>> "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"
>>
>> The old golfer leans over the bar, "I was wondering, young lady," he
>> whispers.....
>> "Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?
>>
>> She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs..........
>> "Yes Sir , I sure am"
>>
>> The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear whispers
>> softly,.......
>>
>> "Well, wash your hands really really good.......,
>> cause I want a cheeseburger."
>>
>
>
> You don't like your cheeseburgers with crusty bits on them ??
>

Or the "special sauce" ?