rec.woodworking ANTI-FAQ Part 9 of 10 - Terminology

9. TERMINOLOGY
9.1 WHAT DOES 4/4 MEAN?
Pronounced "four slash four". Refers to how many times the wood
has been slashed. If it's 5/4, the wood was slashed 4 times out
of five attempts. Make sure you pronounce it correctly,
otherwise you'll look like a complete dork at the lumberyard.

9.2 WHAT IS A BOARD FOOT?
It's when your foot gets tired and cranky from not having
anything interesting to do. No, wait, that's a "bored" foot.

It is important to know what a board foot is so that you don't
look like a dork at the lumberyard. It's just a board that's a
foot long. Some people give you complicated formulas such as
take the length of the board in inches, multiply by 12 and divide
by 144. If you actually do the arithmetic, you'll realize they
only do this to mystify newbies.

9.3 WHAT ARE SOME OF THE COMMON WOODWORKING TERMS/ABBREVIATIONS?
Your best bet is to watch old BBC sitcoms where they use the same
acronyms as this group.

9.4 WHAT IS SWMBO?
See no. 9.3.

9.5 WHAT IS A NEANDERTHAL?
Someone so useless as to be incapable of using power tools. They
usually end up chopping up their sawhorses and workmates with a
skil saw, decide the fault is with the skil saw and pretend to
make a virtue of a necessity. Use antique hand planes on
unsuitable striped tropical hardwoods when a belt sander would do
a much better job in no time at all. See Hand Plane FAQ

Disclaimer: This is not an attack on anyone who has ever posted
in this newsgroup, whether they have cut up workmates with a skil
saw or not. It is also not meant to imply any thing negative
about Skil's or Black & Decker's fine products, or people who
make a virtue of a necessity. The word skil saw was used
generically, like kleenex, and could refer to any portable
circular saw, including those sold by Sears. Notice that the
words Zebrawood or shellac were not used, so it is not meant to
refer to any particular individual, but rather generally to
people who use hand planes on unsuitable wood. See Disclaimer
FAQ.

9.6 IS THIS A GLOAT?
It's a gloat only if you cheat a poor old widder lady out of her
rightful inheritance or if you rip off a store by taking
advantage of the dumb manager/clerk/cashier's stupidity. Nothing
else qualifies, not even Bessey clamps obtained at Sears,
regardless of their length.

9.7 WHAT IS GOOGLE?
Don't bother. If it wasn't for people asking and answering the
same stupid questions all the time, this newsgroup would die.

9.8 WHAT IS A TROLL?
The answer is . . . PURPLE.