From another newsgroup:
Why Men Are Happier Than Women
1. We keep our last name.
2. The garage is all ours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can be president.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
8. The world is our urinal.
9. We never have to drive to another gas station
because this one's just too icky.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. We can open all our own jars.
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. If someone forgets to invite us,
he or she can still be our friend.
23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
24. Everything on our face stays its original color.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. We don't have to stop and think of
which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
27. We almost never have strap problems in public
28. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
29. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
30. We don't have to shave below our neck.
31. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
33. We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife.
34. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives,
on December 24, in 45 minutes.
Thu, Dec 18, 2003, 3:47pm [email protected] (Lee=A0K) who
evidently has not much experience life:
<snip>
Incubust
by Terry Pratchett
The physics of magic is this: no magician, disguise it as he might, can
achieve a result beyond his own physical powers=B9.
And, spurned, he performed the Rite of Tumescence and called up a fiend
from the depths of the Pit to teach her a lesson she wouldn't forget,
the witch.
The phone rang.
"Nice try," she said, "It's sitting on the bedhead now."
His breath quickened. "And?"
"Listen," she said.
And he heard the voice of the fiend, distant and wretched:
"...frightfully sorry ... normally, no problem ... oh god, this has
never happened to me before..."
ROTFLMAO
JOAT
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might
as well dance.
- Unknown
Life just ain't life without good music. - JOAT
Web Page Update 18 Dec 2003.
Some tunes I like.
http://community-2.webtv.net/Jakofalltrades/SOMETUNESILIKE/
Norman D. Crow wrote:
> 'S OK, Mike, you can even blame it on me, I've got broad
> shoulders.(Besides, I don't remember who sent it to me.)
She laughed, laughed, laughed, got a thoughtful look, puzzlement, concern,
then she whapped me in the head.
I guess it worked.
> BTW, who do you haul your *sticks* for? I have one SIL & a friend who used
> to haul for Jamestown Sterling before they went belly-up a few years back.
Nobody you've ever heard of. Nobody big. It's a secret. :)
--
Michael McIntyre ---- Silvan <[email protected]>
Linux fanatic, and certified Geek; registered Linux user #243621
http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Rue/5407/
Lee K wrote:
> 2. The garage is all ours.
I don't have a garage.
> 12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
Borrowed suit: free
> 23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
A six pack. Plus one package of underwear lasts for years. We don't have
to get rid of it until the elastic separates all the way around.
> 24. Everything on our face stays its original color.
Not true. My beard is already starting to turn gray.
> 25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Not quite. I have one pair of tennis shoes, one pair of hiking boots, an
old pair of hiking boots, a pair of snow boots, two pairs of moccasins, and
a pair of sandals...
Maybe I'm gay and I'm just in denial?
(OTOH, SWMBO has maybe 200 pairs of shoes, and wears the same ratty old pair
90% of the time.)
> 30. We don't have to shave below our neck.
Or above it, if we don't want to.
> 31. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
We don't *get* big hips until much, much further down the road toward
obesity.
> 32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
They don't have to match either. Brown belt, brown shoes, black wallet, who
cares?
> 35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives,
> on December 24, in 45 minutes.
36. We get to hold your hand and say "hee hee hee hoooooo" while you try to
pass a watermelon.
37. Our gonads don't stop working until after well after we're dead, and our
hormonal balance remains the same from puberty onwards.
--
Michael McIntyre ---- Silvan <[email protected]>
Linux fanatic, and certified Geek; registered Linux user #243621
http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Rue/5407/
In article <[email protected]>,
"Lee K" <[email protected]> writes:
>From another newsgroup:
>Why Men Are Happier Than Women
>2. The garage is all ours.
How do you swing that? I've got big kid's crap (couches, beds)
to contend with, plus 1/2 doz. bikes, cat box, etc. Right
now, its hopeless.
>16. One mood, ALL the time.
Q: What's the difference between men and women?
A: Men are grumpy all month long.
Chris
--
Chris Richmond | I don't speak for Intel & vise versa
"Chris Richmond - MD6-FDC ~" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
> Q: What's the difference between men and women?
> A: Men are grumpy all month long.
>
--------------
Q: Why do husbands die before their wife?
A: They want to.
"gandalf" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Q: Why do husbands die before their wife?
> A: They want to.
Awwwwwwwwwwwww! You beat me to it! However, here is the reasoning behind the
statement:
Why do men die first?
This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries but, now we know.
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race
you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework...you're a pansy.
If you work too hard...there's never any time for her.
If you don't work enough...you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay...this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay.....you should get off your
lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her.....that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you......it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks......it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet..........it's male indifference.
If you cry............you're a wimp.
If you don't........you're an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her.........you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you......she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy....... that's domination.
If SHE asks you.........it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear......you're a pervert
If you don't..............you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape..............you're
sexist.
If you don't.................you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape................you're vain.
If you don't................you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers.............you're after something.
If you don't....................you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements........you're full of yourself.
If you don't....................you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache............she's tired.
If you have a headache.............you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often.........you're oversexed.
If you don't................there must be someone else.
.. Men die first because they want to.
Nahmie
'S OK, Mike, you can even blame it on me, I've got broad shoulders.(Besides,
I don't remember who sent it to me.)
BTW, who do you haul your *sticks* for? I have one SIL & a friend who used
to haul for Jamestown Sterling before they went belly-up a few years back.
Nahmie
"Silvan" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Norman D. Crow wrote:
>
> > .. Men die first because they want to.
>
> ROTFLPIMPLMAOTADOTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> I'm printing that one out and sticking it on the fridge for SWMBO to find!
Silvan <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
> > 25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
>
> (OTOH, SWMBO has maybe 200 pairs of shoes, and wears the same ratty old pair
> 90% of the time.)
>
Women have to HAVE 200 pairs of shoes - there's nothing in the rules
that says they ever have to WEAR 200 pairs of shoes :-)
-Chris
Chris Powers responds:
>>
>> (OTOH, SWMBO has maybe 200 pairs of shoes, and wears the same ratty old
>pair
>> 90% of the time.)
>>
>
>Women have to HAVE 200 pairs of shoes - there's nothing in the rules
>that says they ever have to WEAR 200 pairs of shoes :-)
Wasn't it Imelda Marcos who had something like 1300 pairs of shoes? I have to
wonder when she found time to try them on, never mind wear them.
Charlie Self
"Man is a reasoning rather than a reasonable animal."
Alexander Hamilton
http://hometown.aol.com/charliediy/myhomepage/business.html
In article <[email protected]>,
Charlie Self <[email protected]> wrote:
>Wasn't it Imelda Marcos who had something like 1300 pairs of shoes? I have to
>wonder when she found time to try them on, never mind wear them.
I think it was around 3000 pairs. I'm sure she had at least one outfit
to go with each pair of shoes too.
--
Mike Iglesias Email: [email protected]
University of California, Irvine phone: 949-824-6926
Network & Academic Computing Services FAX: 949-824-2069
On 19 Dec 2003 14:15:53 GMT, [email protected] (Charlie Self)
scribbled
>Chris Powers responds:
>>>
>>> (OTOH, SWMBO has maybe 200 pairs of shoes, and wears the same ratty old
>>pair
>>> 90% of the time.)
>>>
>>
>>Women have to HAVE 200 pairs of shoes - there's nothing in the rules
>>that says they ever have to WEAR 200 pairs of shoes :-)
>
>Wasn't it Imelda Marcos who had something like 1300 pairs of shoes? I have to
>wonder when she found time to try them on, never mind wear them.
They think the same way about our clamp collections.
Luigi
Replace "no" with "yk" for real email address
On Fri, 19 Dec 2003 00:06:16 -0500, Silvan
<[email protected]> wrote:
>
>(OTOH, SWMBO has maybe 200 pairs of shoes, and wears the same ratty old pair
>90% of the time.)
>
Mine doesn't have QUITE that many but she has a sizable collection
neatly stacked in shoeboxes in the closet. A few years ago she did
something that really annoyed me (don't even remember what it was) so
off I sneak to her closet and swap a shoe here and there from one box
to another. Surprise!
TomL
TomL writes:
>Mine doesn't have QUITE that many but she has a sizable collection
>neatly stacked in shoeboxes in the closet. A few years ago she did
>something that really annoyed me (don't even remember what it was) so
>off I sneak to her closet and swap a shoe here and there from one box
>to another. Surprise!
Has she noticed yet?
Charlie Self
"Man is a reasoning rather than a reasonable animal."
Alexander Hamilton
http://hometown.aol.com/charliediy/myhomepage/business.html
Norman D. Crow wrote:
> .. Men die first because they want to.
ROTFLPIMPLMAOTADOTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm printing that one out and sticking it on the fridge for SWMBO to find!
--
Michael McIntyre ---- Silvan <[email protected]>
Linux fanatic, and certified Geek; registered Linux user #243621
http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Rue/5407/