NEVER SAY TO A COP
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a
police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning,
too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other
cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been
drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look
glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
<[email protected]> wrote in message
> On Thu, 27 Jan 2005 14:50:49 GMT, "Bob Schmall"
> wrote:
>
> To appreciate the following exchange, you must understand that my car
> is a 1965 VW beetle with a 69 body. It is rusty, delapidated and the
> interior is a total ruin. The engine is good, but what the heck, I
> mean it's a _VW_!
LOL ... don't put down that old bug, they can roll. I had the proverbial
"$50 Volkswagen" while stationed in Germany for a couple of years in the
late 60's, early 70's (buy it for $50 when you get there, sell it for $50
when you leave). Routinely had it past 100mph for an hour or more on the
autobahn, without pushing.
Being from swamp country instead of snow country, it was also a very
forgiving vehicle for the couple of blizzards I went through.
On reflection, the best $00.00 I ever spent.
--
www.e-woodshop.net
Last update: 11/06/04
In article <[email protected]>,
Bob Schmall <[email protected]> wrote:
>NEVER SAY TO A COP
>
[[.. muncho ..]]
>
>4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
>
Not quite in _that_ class (either as to the remark, or the underlying 'facts'),
but, _many_ years ago, I was 'just along for the ride', when a friend had the
following conversation with a cop:
Cop: Do you know how fast you were driving?
Him: Yes, officer, I do. I was driving too fast, i forgot about the speed-
limit change 8 blocks back. Anyway, your radar read-out _should_ have been
showing thirty-eight-and-a-half mph.
Cop: actually, it showed 37....
Him: (interrupting) Then, you radar is wrong, and needs to be re-calibrated.
Cop: What makes you say that?
Him: This is an ex-police vehicle, and has a certified, calibrated speedometer.
=and= I had it through the {name of nearby community} precision test
course *this*morning*. just after having a major tune-up done. That
check showed that my speedometer was reading 1-1/2 mph higher than actual.
When I came over the rise and saw your car, I looked down, and the speed-
ometer was indicating precisely 40 MPH. thus the actual speed was 38-1/2.
I thought I was doing only 32-33 -- the tune-up made a major difference
in the way the car drives. I'll be paying _much_ closer attention to
what the speedometer says, at least until the changed 'feel' sinks in.
Cop: Under the circumstances, I'll let you go with a warning, this time.
And have the radar re-checked. Just one question, *how* did you get
onto/through the {name of community} test course?
Him: Oh, _that_ was easy -- I work part-time as relief dispatcher for the
{name of community} police department.
Whereupon the cop busts out laughing.
I never had anything like that happen to me -- closest I came was the stops
by _every_ L.E. agency in the territory (one per agency), when I was driving
a van with no license plates. One that _didn't_need_ license plates. Oddly
enough, somebody from each department would stop me, and 'discuss' the issue,
while they were being educated.
On more than one occasion, when I was driving in through an area where I had
-not- been stopped yet, I'd notice the prowl car behind me, well -before- they
hit the lights to pull me over. In which cases, I would pull over when the
officer reached down to turn his lights on. This got to be a little funny
when I've pulled over before he looked back up at the street -- and he then
has to pull over _in_front_ of me.
Then the 'non-communication' would start. along the lines of:
Him: Lost your license plate, son?
Me: Nope! It's painted on the door.
Him: ???
Me: I could explain, but it'd take a while -- may I suggest that you get on
{radio frequency} (the inter-community 'mutual aid' channel) and ask
{big city} dispatch about it. They know all about it, as this vehicle
'lives' in their jurisdiction.
This usually took 2-3 minutes, and the officer would come back, shaking his
head -- "Thats a new one on me, but you're right -- you *don't* need license
plates for this vehicle".
In article <[email protected]>,
<take out 'takeout' to reply> wrote:
>On Thu, 27 Jan 2005 14:50:49 GMT, "Bob Schmall" <[email protected]>
>wrote:
>
>To appreciate the following exchange, you must understand that my car
>is a 1965 VW beetle with a 69 body. It is rusty, delapidated and the
>interior is a total ruin. The engine is good, but what the heck, I
>mean it's a _VW_!
>
>So here I am tooling down the freeway and a cop pulls me over.
>
>Cop: Do you realize you were doing 79 miles an hour.
>
>Me: You're kidding!
>
>Cop (as he hands me a warning): You might want to frame this.
>
Were you being assisted by a 60 mile-an-hour tail-wind??
On Sat, 29 Jan 2005 05:52:54 GMT, [email protected] <[email protected]> wrote:
> On Fri, 28 Jan 2005 23:44:38 -0000, [email protected]
> (Robert Bonomi) wrote:
>>
>>Were you being assisted by a 60 mile-an-hour tail-wind??
>>
> Nope. It was a flat stretch of freeway. Surprised the hell out of me.
> I didn't think the thing could do more than about 72 no matter what
> the speedometer said.
You'd be surprised at how good you can get going in an aerodynamic
car with horsepower ratings in the 30's.
"Swingman" <[email protected]> wrote:
><[email protected]> wrote in message
>> On Thu, 27 Jan 2005 14:50:49 GMT, "Bob Schmall"
>> wrote:
>>
>> To appreciate the following exchange, you must understand that my car
>> is a 1965 VW beetle with a 69 body. It is rusty, delapidated and the
>> interior is a total ruin. The engine is good, but what the heck, I
>> mean it's a _VW_!
>
>LOL ... don't put down that old bug, they can roll. I had the proverbial
>"$50 Volkswagen" while stationed in Germany for a couple of years in the
>late 60's, early 70's (buy it for $50 when you get there, sell it for $50
>when you leave). Routinely had it past 100mph for an hour or more on the
>autobahn, without pushing.
I can easily believe that you had a German VW Beetle over 100 for an
hour or more w/o pushing. But did you notice the units on that
speedometer? <g>
--
Alex -- Replace "nospam" with "mail" to reply by email. Checked infrequently.
On Fri, 28 Jan 2005 23:44:38 -0000, [email protected]
(Robert Bonomi) wrote:
>In article <[email protected]>,
> <take out 'takeout' to reply> wrote:
>>On Thu, 27 Jan 2005 14:50:49 GMT, "Bob Schmall" <[email protected]>
>>wrote:
>>
>>To appreciate the following exchange, you must understand that my car
>>is a 1965 VW beetle with a 69 body. It is rusty, delapidated and the
>>interior is a total ruin. The engine is good, but what the heck, I
>>mean it's a _VW_!
>>
>>So here I am tooling down the freeway and a cop pulls me over.
>>
>>Cop: Do you realize you were doing 79 miles an hour.
>>
>>Me: You're kidding!
>>
>>Cop (as he hands me a warning): You might want to frame this.
>>
>
>
>Were you being assisted by a 60 mile-an-hour tail-wind??
>
Nope. It was a flat stretch of freeway. Surprised the hell out of me.
I didn't think the thing could do more than about 72 no matter what
the speedometer said.
--RC
>
"Sometimes history doesn't repeat itself. It just yells
'can't you remember anything I've told you?' and lets
fly with a club.
-- John W. Cambell Jr.
True Story
"If you useless bastards had been doing your jobs, on points, when the
power went down it'd still be there".
My Son in-law, when stopped by the local coppers to ask why his front
Number Plate was missing.
An hour after the stop he finally got home. the coppers pulled his car
apart searching for ????. When asked what they were looking for the
answer was "You'll know it when we find it".
Why the Number plate wasn't there!
A week or so ago there was a blackout in the centre of Kalgoorlie. A
bloke in a 4x4 ute failed to give way his right at a set of inoperative
traffic lights. The Son in-law heard a bang but never felt a thing in
his car, however upon looking out the side window to see what had caused
the noise, he spied his front plate spinning across the road. no other
damage.
Some people have just got to learn when to keep there bloody big traps
shut. :)
John
Bob Schmall wrote:
> NEVER SAY TO A COP
>
> 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
>
> 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
>
> 3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
>
> 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
>
> 5. Are You Andy or Barney?
>
> 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a
> police officer.
>
> 7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
>
> 8. I pay your salary!
>
> 9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning,
> too!
>
> 10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
>
> 11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other
> cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.
>
> 12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been
> drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look
> glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
>
>
"alexy" wrote in message ...
> I can easily believe that you had a German VW Beetle over 100 for an
> hour or more w/o pushing. But did you notice the units on that
> speedometer? <g>
Whaddaya mean?? Two years in Germany under your belt in those days and you
could easily do kmh to mph conversions in your head while driving along
stoned, swigging from a bottle of the best spatelese, and singing randomly
from Seargeant Peppers at the top of your lungs ... guaranteed, and this all
before the days of "multitasking". ;>)
And, before yuppies were invented, did I also mention that I bought,a 1972,
US road ready, orange, two door, BMW 2002 TI for $US2800 cash (from poker
winnings ... a source of legitimate income, militatry wise, at the time)?
"Those were the days, my friend ...."
--
www.e-woodshop.net
Last update: 11/06/04
alexy <[email protected]> wrote in news:7ivlv0dc5m9k5kk2tjot3i6i277f0hb1b8@
4ax.com:
> I can easily believe that you had a German VW Beetle over 100 for an
> hour or more w/o pushing. But did you notice the units on that
> speedometer? <g>
>
We went on our honeymoon (1967) with a rented 2CV. It's true! They do go
over 80, downhill, with a breeze helping (km/h, that is). Very comfortable
to drive in, Holland, Belgium, Luxembourg, France and into Switzerland. It
did get across the Alps into Italy and back. However, we missed the exit
in Basel to get back into France, so we had to drive the autobahn at <80
km/h, with the trucks flashing their high beams at us, since we were going
slower than them in the slow lane uphill.
Now driving a '97 Voyager in NJ ...
--
Best regards
Han
email address is invalid
On Fri, 28 Jan 2005 22:58:43 -0700, Doug Winterburn
<[email protected]> wrote:
>On Sat, 29 Jan 2005 05:55:20 +0000, rcook5 wrote:
>
>
>>>Dumped a '66 Olds 442 and bought a spanky new '70 bug just before I got
>>>married in '70. Paid $1900 for it (and considerably more for the
>>>marriage). Drove it for 10 years and 150,000 miles (with only one extra
>>>engine) and sold it for $1000. Still with the original bride from '70.
>>>
>>>- Doug (the bride did buy me a spanky new Monkey Wards RAS the first
>>>Christmas)
>>
>> Bought mine for $800 in 1985 or so. I figure I've gotten my money out of
>> it.
>
>What? - the wife, the RAS or the VW? ;-)
The VW. Don't own a RAS and the wife is worth a hell of a lot more
than I paid for her. (What's the line about 'more precious than
rubies'?)
--RC
"Sometimes history doesn't repeat itself. It just yells
'can't you remember anything I've told you?' and lets
fly with a club.
-- John W. Cambell Jr.
On Thu, 27 Jan 2005 14:50:49 GMT, "Bob Schmall" <[email protected]>
wrote:
To appreciate the following exchange, you must understand that my car
is a 1965 VW beetle with a 69 body. It is rusty, delapidated and the
interior is a total ruin. The engine is good, but what the heck, I
mean it's a _VW_!
So here I am tooling down the freeway and a cop pulls me over.
Cop: Do you realize you were doing 79 miles an hour.
Me: You're kidding!
Cop (as he hands me a warning): You might want to frame this.
--RC
"Sometimes history doesn't repeat itself. It just yells
'can't you remember anything I've told you?' and lets
fly with a club.
-- John W. Cambell Jr.
[email protected] wrote:
> On Fri, 28 Jan 2005 23:44:38 -0000, [email protected]
> (Robert Bonomi) wrote:
>
>>In article <[email protected]>,
>> <take out 'takeout' to reply> wrote:
>>>On Thu, 27 Jan 2005 14:50:49 GMT, "Bob Schmall" <[email protected]>
>>>wrote:
>>>
>>>To appreciate the following exchange, you must understand that my car
>>>is a 1965 VW beetle with a 69 body. It is rusty, delapidated and the
>>>interior is a total ruin. The engine is good, but what the heck, I
>>>mean it's a _VW_!
>>>
>>>So here I am tooling down the freeway and a cop pulls me over.
>>>
>>>Cop: Do you realize you were doing 79 miles an hour.
>>>
>>>Me: You're kidding!
>>>
>>>Cop (as he hands me a warning): You might want to frame this.
>>>
>>
>>
>>Were you being assisted by a 60 mile-an-hour tail-wind??
>>
> Nope. It was a flat stretch of freeway. Surprised the hell out of me.
> I didn't think the thing could do more than about 72 no matter what
> the speedometer said.
Maybe it went ever-so-slightly downhill?
> --RC
>>
>
> "Sometimes history doesn't repeat itself. It just yells
> 'can't you remember anything I've told you?' and lets
> fly with a club.
> -- John W. Cambell Jr.
--
--John
Reply to jclarke at ae tee tee global dot net
(was jclarke at eye bee em dot net)
On Fri, 28 Jan 2005 20:28:35 -0700, Doug Winterburn
<[email protected]> wrote:
>On Sat, 29 Jan 2005 03:20:53 +0000, Han wrote:
>
>> We went on our honeymoon (1967) with a rented 2CV. It's true! They do go
>> over 80, downhill, with a breeze helping (km/h, that is). Very
>> comfortable to drive in, Holland, Belgium, Luxembourg, France and into
>> Switzerland. It did get across the Alps into Italy and back. However, we
>> missed the exit in Basel to get back into France, so we had to drive the
>> autobahn at <80 km/h, with the trucks flashing their high beams at us,
>> since we were going slower than them in the slow lane uphill.
>
>Dumped a '66 Olds 442 and bought a spanky new '70 bug just before I got
>married in '70. Paid $1900 for it (and considerably more for the
>marriage). Drove it for 10 years and 150,000 miles (with only one extra
>engine) and sold it for $1000. Still with the original bride from '70.
>
>- Doug (the bride did buy me a spanky new Monkey Wards RAS the first
>Christmas)
Bought mine for $800 in 1985 or so. I figure I've gotten my money out
of it.
--RC
"Sometimes history doesn't repeat itself. It just yells
'can't you remember anything I've told you?' and lets
fly with a club.
-- John W. Cambell Jr.
On Sat, 29 Jan 2005 03:20:53 +0000, Han wrote:
> We went on our honeymoon (1967) with a rented 2CV. It's true! They do go
> over 80, downhill, with a breeze helping (km/h, that is). Very
> comfortable to drive in, Holland, Belgium, Luxembourg, France and into
> Switzerland. It did get across the Alps into Italy and back. However, we
> missed the exit in Basel to get back into France, so we had to drive the
> autobahn at <80 km/h, with the trucks flashing their high beams at us,
> since we were going slower than them in the slow lane uphill.
Dumped a '66 Olds 442 and bought a spanky new '70 bug just before I got
married in '70. Paid $1900 for it (and considerably more for the
marriage). Drove it for 10 years and 150,000 miles (with only one extra
engine) and sold it for $1000. Still with the original bride from '70.
- Doug (the bride did buy me a spanky new Monkey Wards RAS the first
Christmas)
--
To escape criticism--do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." (Elbert Hubbard)
On Sat, 29 Jan 2005 05:55:20 +0000, rcook5 wrote:
>>Dumped a '66 Olds 442 and bought a spanky new '70 bug just before I got
>>married in '70. Paid $1900 for it (and considerably more for the
>>marriage). Drove it for 10 years and 150,000 miles (with only one extra
>>engine) and sold it for $1000. Still with the original bride from '70.
>>
>>- Doug (the bride did buy me a spanky new Monkey Wards RAS the first
>>Christmas)
>
> Bought mine for $800 in 1985 or so. I figure I've gotten my money out of
> it.
What? - the wife, the RAS or the VW? ;-)
--
To escape criticism--do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." (Elbert Hubbard)
"Bob Schmall" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> NEVER SAY TO A COP
>
> 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
>
How about
Officer: Are you drinking?
You: Are you buying?