Here it is again, in ten parts, for your edification.
rec.woodworking's ANTI-FAQ
Revised 1 April, 2005
OUTLINE
1. GENERAL
1.1 INTRODUCTION
1.2 POSTING GUIDELINES.
1.3 OFF TOPIC POSTS
1.4 WHAT SHOULD I POST ABOUT?
1.5 CAN I POST PICTURES OF MY REALLY COOL PROJECT?
1.6 SHOULD I POST IF I AM A WOMAN?
1.7 WHAT IF I'M A GAY WOODWORKER?
1.8 WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN I SEE A POST I DON'T LIKE?
1.9 WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT OFFENSIVE CROSS-POSTING TROLLS?
1.10 WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT SPELING AND GRAMMER MISSTEAKS?
1.11 WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT SPAM?
1.12 WHAT ABOUT POSTING THE URL TO SOMEONE WHO PROVIDES NEAT NEW
PRODUCTS, EXCELLENT SERVICE AND LOW PRICES?
1.13 HOW DO I ADVERTISE MY REALLY NEAT WOODWORKING PRODUCT ON THE
WRECK?
1.14 HOW CAN WE GET RID OF ALL THE SPAM, OFF-TOPIC POLITICAL THREADS,
POSTS BY COMMERCIAL WOODDORKING SUPPLY FIRMS, AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY,
POTTY-MOUTH WORDS?
1.15 ARE HUMOROUS POSTS ALLOWED?
1.16 THERE ARE TOO MANY POSTS IN THIS GROUP, I HAVE A SUGGESTIONS ON
HOW TO SPLIT IT.
1.17 INTERNET RESOURCES
1.18 RESOURCES FOR UK WOODWORKERS?
2. TOOLS
2.1 HOW DO I GET STARTED IN WOODWORKING?
2.2 SHOULD I BUY A TABLE SAW OR A RADIAL ARM SAW?
2.3 WHAT IS THE BEST TABLE SAW?
2.4 WHICH SAW BLADE SHOULD I BUY?
2.5 WHAT ARE THE BEST CLAMPS?
2.6 WHICH TYPE OF DADO BLADE SHOULD I BUY, THE DIAL (WOBBLE TYPE) OR
THE STACKING (CHIPPER TYPE)?
2.7 WHAT IS THE BEST ROUTER?
2.8 WHAT IS THE BEST CORDLESS DRILL?
2.9 SHOULD I GET A DUST COLLECTOR?
2.10 HOW TO KEEP SPLINTERS AND MINUSCULE BITS OF WOOD OUT OF YOUR
SOCKS?
3. TOOL MAINTENANCE
3.1 HOW DO I ALIGN MY TABLESAW
3.2 HOW DO I FIX SLIPPING BITS IN MY SEARS ROUTER?
3.3 HOW DO I TENSION A BANDSAW BLADE?
3.4 WHAT BASIC SHOP SAFETY PRECAUTIONS SHOULD I TAKE?
3.5 HOW DO I KEEP MY SAFETY GLASSES CLEAN?
3.6 WHY IS MY TAPE MEASURE INACCURATE?
3.7 HOW DO I PREVENT MY TOOLS FROM RUSTING?
3.8 HOW DO I REMOVE RUST FROM MY TOOLS?
3.9 WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT THE SCRATCH/STAIN ON MY BRAND NEW $2,000
BLURFL?
3.10 HOW DO I CLEAN MY SAW BLADES/ROUTER BITS?
4. SOURCES OF TOOLS AND MATERIALS
4.1 WHAT IS THE BEST PLACE TO BUY TOOLS?
4.2 SHOULD I BUY A SEARS BLURFL?
4.3 WHY IS BOB VILA SUCH A JERK?
4.4 SHOULD I BUY A TAIWANESE CLONE BLURFL?
4.5 IS RIDGID (ALSO SPELLED RIGID, RIDGED, ETC.) ANY GOOD?
4.6 WHAT SHOULD I DO IF HD WON'T MATCH A PRICE?
4.7 WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN THE TRUCKDRIVER REFUSES TO UNLOAD AND SET UP
MY NEW 2000LB MAIL ORDER BLURFL?
4.8 WHERE CAN I GET INFORMATION ABOUT PARTICLE BOARD AND MDF?
4.9 CAN I USE THE WOOD FROM PALLETS?
4.10 WHAT IS THE BEST PLACE TO GET HARDWOOD?
5. ELECTRICITY AND COMPRESSED AIR
5.1 HOW DO I WIRE MY SHOP?
5.2 SHOULD I WIRE MY SAW FOR 240?
5.3 SHOULD I USE PVC FOR MY COMPRESSED AIR LINES?
6. PLANS
6.1 WHERE CAN I FIND PLANS FOR A POINTY STICK?
6.2 WHERE CAN I FIND FREE PLANS?
6.3 WHERE CAN I GET PLANS FOR THE NEW YANKEE WORKSHOP PROJECTS?
6.4 WHAT BOOKS SHOULD I PURCHASE TO LEARN ABOUT VARIOUS ASPECTS OF
WOODWORKING?
6.5 WHAT IS THE BEST WOODWORKING MAGAZINE?
6.6 CAN I REPOST A NEAT ARTICLE/PLAN I FOUND ELSEWHERE?
6.7 WHERE DO I FIND PLANS FOR A COFFIN?
6.8 WHERE DO I GET PLAN FOR BAT HOUSES?
7. TECHNIQUES
7.1 HOW DO I CUT DOVETAILS?
7.2 I THINK NORM COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING IN A BETTER WAY ...
7.3 HOW DO I MAKE A PUSH STICK?
7.4 WHAT SIZE DRILL BIT DO I USE FOR A WOOD SCREW?
7.5 SHOULD I USE A HOT MELT GLUE GUN FOR MY NEXT PROJECT?
7.6 WHAT IS THE CORRECT WAY TO HANDLE THE GLUE SQUEEZE OUT PROBLEM?
7.7 HOW DO I GET RID OF THE BLACK STAINS ON MY HANDS FROM GORILLA
GLUE?
7.8 WHAT IS SNIPE AND HOW DO I ELIMINATE IT?
7.9 WHICH ARE BETTER: ENGLISH/IMPERIAL/SAE MEASUREMENTS OR METRIC/SI?
7.10 WHAT IS RESAWING?
7.11 SHOULD I USE ROUND OR SQUARE DOGS IN MY WORKBENCH?
7.12 SHOULD I JOIN THE HANDYMAN CLUB OF AMERICA?
7.13 WHY WON'T SWMBO LET ME BUILD THAT PIECE OF FURNITURE INSTEAD OF
BUYING A TERMITE PUKE POS?
8. FINISHING
8.1 HOW DO I REMOVE PAINT ON AN ANTIQUE?
8.2 HOW DO I GET RID OF CAT URINE STAINS?
8.3 HOW DO I MAKE A TACK CLOTH?
8.4 WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TUNG OIL AND LINSEED OIL?
8.5 HOW DO I FINISH TOYS?
8.6 WHAT IS THE BEST FINISH FOR A CUTTING BOARD?
8.7 HOW DO I FINISH CHERRY?
8.8 WHAT IS THE BEST FINISH FOR A WOODEN LAWN ORNAMENT?
8.9 HOW DO I FINISH THE EDGE OF PLYWOOD?
9. TERMINOLOGY
9.1 WHAT DOES 4/4 MEAN?
9.2 WHAT IS A BOARD FOOT?
9.3 WHAT ARE SOME OF THE COMMON WOODWORKING TERMS/ABBREVIATIONS?
9.4 WHAT IS SWMBO?
9.5 WHAT IS A NEANDERTHAL?
9.6 IS THIS A GLOAT?
9.7 WHAT IS GOOGLE?
9.8 WHAT IS A TROLL?
10. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS AND COPYRIGHT.
1. GENERAL
1.1 INTRODUCTION
This is the rec.woodworking anti-FAQ. This anti-FAQ will be posted
annually to rec.woodworking on the first of April. The purpose of
this anti-FAQ is to minimize the amount of chatter about wood working
on rec.woodworking, thereby making the newsgroup more lively and
interesting to read.
Suggestions for improvement should be kept to yourself. To be
perfectly honest, I don't give a flying fig about your opinions. If I
want to know what you think, I'll ask you. Just don't hold your
breath.
I realize that putting FAQ in a header ensures that almost nobody will
read it, but I'm doing this for my own satisfaction.
1.2 POSTING GUIDELINES.
While this newsgroup has world-wide distribution, the vast majority of
subscribers live in free countries, so they can say whatever they
please, USENET conventions be damned. Don't bother with reading
"news.answers" or "news.announce.newusers," or any of those other
newsgroups designed to explain USENET's "rules."
"Me-too" posts are particularly appreciated. An example of a "me-too"
is when you quote 50 lines of text, adding only a line or two of your
own. If your .sig is longer than your comments, then you're probably
doing it right. (Another reason to have a long .sig. Big .sigs are
really, really cool.)
Make sure you post in HTML if your browser allows you to. This makes
your posts much more cool, with bold, colour (color, Keith) and other
cutesy gizmos like cool animated GIFs. Don't let the fact that some
obsolete news browsers make your posts look like gibberish deter you.
Those people should apply a crowbar to their wallet get themselves a
new computer and some up to date software.
POSTING ALL IN CAPITALS IS GENERALLY APPRECIATED AS IT MAKES THINGS
EASIER TO READ, AND ALSO ENSURES THAT PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU
HAVE TO SAY!
If you're responding to a post by someone who's got a French name but
can't spell it, make sure that you both post in the group and send him
an email. He will really appreciate it. While you're at it, you
might as well turn-on the HTML, write in capitals and send him a big
attachment with a picture. And spell his name right. But only do
this if you want to stay on his good side.
Finally, the subject line of your article should have nothing at all
to do with what you actually say. This makes the newsgroup much more
lively and interesting to read.
1.3 OFF TOPIC POSTS
Off-topic posts are welcome and the usually provide the most
interesting discussions and flame wars. Don't bother with putting in
"OT" in the subject header. If it wasn't for off topic posts and
people not reading the FAQ, this newsgroup would die.
Political and religious rants are especially welcome at any time.
They are extremely popular, even more popular than electrical
threads. They allow those who know nothing about woodworking or
anything else to contribute to the group by displaying their
ignorance, bigotry and fanaticism for the whole world to see.
Those damn top posters and bottom posters; mindless commie pinko
liberal lemmings and neo-nazi conservative warmongers; inconsiderate,
anti-religious pseudo-intellectual atheists and gullible, credulous
fundamentalist nuts and fruitcakes; murderous gun-nuts and gun control
freaks; eco-nazis and unconscionable despoilers of the environment;
and knuckle-dragging, club-toting, need-finishing-school, poetic-
waxing, holier-than-thou, in-your-face, proselytising Neanderthals and
power-tooling, noise-making, wood-munching, dust-sucking, tool-belt-
wearing, Normites; deserve to read your well-reasoned jeremiad so that
they will change their minds and see things your way. Make sure you
add some personal insults and ad hominem attacks in your post.
If you get a blank response from somebody with a Delta tool handle, it
means that YOU HAVE WON the argument!! Those opposed to you have been
rendered speechless. You may now rest on your laurels, as everyone in
the group has conceded to you and agrees with your inanity, sorry, I
meant your well-reasoned views. No need to post to that thread
anymore.
1.4 WHAT SHOULD I POST ABOUT?
Anything and everything. Don't worry, sharing the minute details of
all your woodworking experiences is what the wRECk is all about so
that we can all learn. Michael Baglio provided a good example of the
kind of post that is well appreciated on the wreck. Here it is:
<http://groups.google.ca/groups?
&selm=3Dv0harvskvuc3p7aevufrmnqm3mt43pfrsu%404ax.com.>
1.5 CAN I POST PICTURES OF MY REALLY COOL PROJECT?
Got any really cool pictures? Post them to rec.woodworking. Who
gives a f... about those turkeys who have to download everything and
pay their ISP by the minute? They should take a Crowbar to their
wallet and get some decent equipment and a better ISP. Anyway, if
they live in country with a crappy communication system, they can move
to the good ole USA and get WebTV.
Only Strines and other losers post pictures of their tacky projects to
ABPF & ABPW.
The pictures don't have to be of Adirondack chairs, furniture or other
woodworking projects. In fact, if you've got any pictures of your
wife or girlfriend or cheerleaders in the nude, please post them. If
you don't have any such pictures, just let me know, and I'll sell you
some.
If somebody flames you for posting pictures, flame 'em right back and
go start your own newsgroup. But don't post the URL or newsgroup name
so that those assholes who flamed you can't come to hassle you in your
new newsgroup.
1.6 SHOULD I POST IF I AM A WOMAN?
The internet and woodworking are male things. They both are about
boys playing with their tools. If you don't believe me, why do you
think there are so many porno sites and newsgroups? So, girls, butt
out!
1.7 WHAT IF I'M A GAY WOODWORKER?
We don't like other men playing with our tools either. Woodworking is
for real men. Butt out or you'll get bashed.
1.8 WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN I SEE A POST I DON'T LIKE?
First, and most importantly, you should take offence. Obviously the
author is an insensitive bastard who is hell-bent on hurting your
feelings. He is an arrogant asshole who deserves much worse than he
will ever receive. Others may tell you that the guy was "just having
a bad day," or that he "didn't mean anything by it," but don't you
believe it. Remain steadfast and do not waver in your efforts to get
even with the idiot.
Rant and rave, but be sure to do so publicly, by posting to the group
rather than by sending e-mail. Otherwise, how will anyone else know
what a jerk the other guy is? Don't hold back, and don't let up until
you receive satisfaction, or until the thread has reached 100 articles
in length, whichever comes first. Telling someone how stupid they are
is called a "flame." If you read a flame, please respond to it, even
if you have no interest whatsoever in the issue at hand. This makes
the newsgroup much more lively and interesting to read.
If you find yourself in the middle of a flame war and attacked from
all sides with nobody supporting you, just give yourself some
support. It's easy. Just change the email address in your
newsreading software and write a bunch of posts under assumed names.
Nobody will notice and it will give added credibility to your
position.
1.9 WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT OFFENSIVE CROSS-POSTING TROLLS?
By all means, reply to them telling the poster what an asshole he is.
Make sure that your reply is also cross-posted to all the newsgroups
and add a few more just for good measure. How else are going to make
them go away if we don't tell them what jerks they are? Publicly
plonking them is especially effective. Reporting them does no good,
since they can get a new free email address pretty easily. Might as
well let them continue to use the same address as it makes no
difference. How else are we going to learn about the sexual habits of
wreck regulars?
1.10 WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT SPELING AND GRAMMER MISSTEAKS?
If you see a spelling mistake, grammatical error, or typo, post a
reply with the offending error underlined with carets (circumflex
accents to those who studied French, the thingie above the "6" key for
the rest of you ignorami). Make sure you question the original
poster's intelligence and woodworking ability in your post. If he/she
can't spell, can he/she be trusted with a table saw or a plane without
spilling blood all over the place? This is the only helpful way to
deal with errors in grammar and spelling and educating the original
poster, while avoiding the shedding of blood.
BTW the correct spelling accepted in rec.woodworking for some words
are: joiner, planner, scrapper, rabbit, tennon (tendon is definitely
wrong), hobbiest, course (not fine), bisket, popular (Liriodendron
tulipifera), cyprus (Taxodium distichum), wracking, tounge & grove
(tongue is a finishing oil), radio alarm saw (tmLJ), and "it's" always
takes an apostrophe, just like "hi's" and "her's". Also, remember that
"advise" is a noun and "to advice" is a verb.
1.11 WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT SPAM?
If you see a piece of SPAM, then by all means quote the entire
message, adding a clever comment of your own. You see, there are lots
of folks who don't like SPAM, and they've come up with things like
filters and cancelbots in an effort to get rid of it. While a
particular piece of SPAM may show up on your news server, there's a
very good chance that many folks won't get to see it. Posting a
follow-up article to the SPAM will keep it alive, ensuring *everybody*
gets to look at it. This makes the newsgroup much more lively and
interesting to read.
1.12 WHAT ABOUT POSTING THE URL TO SOMEONE WHO PROVIDES NEAT NEW
PRODUCTS, EXCELLENT SERVICE AND LOW PRICES?
Unless the URL is for Lee Valley, this is a shill and is severely
frowned upon. You will be immediately accused of disguising your
identity and underhanded shilling. We don't care how often you have
posted before on unrelated topics, you will get immediately jumped
on. Go post in the political scientology or 'lecktrical threads
instead.
1.13 HOW DO I ADVERTISE MY REALLY NEAT WOODWORKING PRODUCT ON THE
WRECK?
If you're a dealer and you're in with the secret cabal crowd, just
post the stuff you have for sale. No one will flame you. You're even
allowed to flame others who post ads. Don't ask me how to get into
the cabal, it's top secret. It's so secret, I don't even know whether
I'm in it or not. Besides, there is no cabal. <http://www.cabal.org/
>
If you're not in the secret cabal (TINC), first, think up of all the
titles or subject headers that are even marginally relevant to your
product. Then flood the newsgroup with posts advertising your product
under each header. Also get a bunch of buddies and employees with
email, and sign-up for a whole lot of free email addresses on the net
(hotmail, yahoo, aol with a fake credit card number, etc.). Use the
email addresses to send a whole batch of different testimonials for
your product, like how your grandfather, the old cabinet maker, really
loved it and used it every day since 1939, and that's why your father
was conceived. Try to vary your spelling mistakes in the shills so
that it is not so obvious you wrote them all.
Second buy a spambot (If you have an email address and have given it
to anyone, you should already have had a few offers on spambots. If
not, post here using your real email address and just wait a couple of
days.) Use it to send a private personalized email to everybody who
has ever posted on this or any other newsgroup. This should also get
you a good response. However, get a new different email address from
which to send these, and yet a different reply address. Otherwise,
your company's regular email address might get cancelled.
If anybody complains, flame them. No one person makes the rules or
owns this place so you can just tell em to piss off. Whiners don't
know their ass from their elbow anyway. They're just a bunch of pinko
commie socialist limp-wristed liberals who are against the free
enterprise system that made America great, or secret agents for the
secret timber cutting cartel <http://lumbercartel.freeyellow.com/> who
are destroying our forests. Tell'em to go back to Russia. The other
people in the group will really like your ads and will flock to your
product and make you a millionaire in no time. That's what free
enterprise and internet marketing are all about.
Besides, think of all the trees you save by using the internet rather
than paper ads. Ecologically sound capitalism! And more trees for
woodworking! Who cares if everybody else is paying for your
advertising? That's life buddy!
Finally, privately offer a free lifetime supply of your product to
anybody who has written a FAQ for this group to make sure they give
you good reviews. My email address is recnorm at yukonomics dot ca.
Send me an email and I'll give you my shipping address. (Hint, hint
Steve & Ed & Ron & Pat & Robin & Jim & Jon)
1.14 HOW CAN WE GET RID OF ALL THE SPAM, OFF-TOPIC POLITICAL THREADS,
POSTS BY COMMERCIAL WOODDORKING SUPPLY FIRMS, AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY,
POTTY-MOUTH WORDS?
It's real easy. Just issue an RFD proposing the creation of a new
newsgroup and appoint yourself as moderator. Don't have any
experience or clue about being a moderator? No problem! You will
still get overwhelming support when the time comes to vote, including
the entire Stromboli, Etna and Vesuvio families, as well as the
Fujiyamas and the Saint-Helens. You can count on the support of
anyone who is not actively opposed. If they ain't publicly against
you, they're for you. Don't worry, the silent majority will vote for
you. Plus, you know God is on your side and this will help you to go
to heaven. But just to be on the safe side, make sure that all your
church buddies vote too. That way can be rid of the vulgar language,
the notorious shills and spammers like Rob Lee, Steve Knight, Jim
McFeeley, Ron Hock, Ed Bennett and make the wreck safe for
kindergarten-age wreckers.
1.15 ARE HUMOROUS POSTS ALLOWED?
Absolutely. Humour (humor, Keeter, although we know you're not funny
anymore) is greatly appreciated in rec.woodworking, especially satire,
sarcasm and irony. Don't worry, people in this newsgroup always get
it when you are trying to be funny or ironic.
You could also use a disclaimer (See Disclaimer FAQ) to make sure
people get it, but that sort of spoils it and, anyway, it used to be
only a certain individual who pretended not to get the posts from
another certain individual and vice versa and they ended up in highly
entertaining and articulate flame war, with exegesis and logic
chopping that rivalled the best that mediaeval scholastics or talmudic
scholars came up with.
However, trolls are generally frowned upon. Taking advantage of
newbies' and oldbies' innocence about things liked armed Canadian EPA
agents and church pews is a serious sign of bad form. Did you get
that David, eh? Trolls feed very well on the wreck.
Also any joke about 9/11 is NOT FUNNY and completely unacceptable!!
Racial, ethnic, religious and dead baby jokes are OK, though.
1.16 THERE ARE TOO MANY POSTS IN THIS GROUP, I HAVE A SUGGESTIONS ON
HOW TO SPLIT IT.
The people on wreck.wood are always open to suggestions on how to
improve the group and we have been looking for ways to split this
group for many years now. As a newbie, you will bring a different
perspective which will be most appreciated. We will listen to your
suggestions on splitting the group and implement them immediately.
1.17 INTERNET RESOURCES
This is the way to get all the URL's you'll ever need and avoid testy
answers. Don't bother with search engines.
First create a web page. Make sure it has "old iron" or "antique
woodworking machine" on it. Then get your page to set a cookie every
time someone from the "wi.rr.com" domain accesses your page. Then go
into the Duke's computer and steal all the URLs. Careful, though, the
Duke has been known to try selling pornographic table saws on eBay.
If you don't know how to do this, get a hacker to help you. A hacker
is any 10-20 year-old male who has a computer and is not into sports
and doesn't have a girlfriend.
You also want to take a look at these other FAQs, which might not be
in the Duke's computer:
Disclaimer FAQ
<http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=3Den&selm=3D6i6596%24ifl
%241%40ins8.netins.net>
Hand Plane FAQ
<http://groups.google.com/groups?
selm=3D6imd60%24qq6%241%40ins8.netins.net&output=3Dgplain>
Crowbar FAQ
<http://www.klownhammer.org/crowbar>
For woodworking books, go to
<http://webpages.charter.net/29Y/woodworking/books/>
1.18 RESOURCES FOR UK WOODWORKERS?
This newsgroup is about USA woodworking and maybe its northern
sycophantic satellite. God Bless America! It's rec.WOODworking, not
rec.TIMBERworking! You guys went downhill when you joined up with the
other Euro-idiots and went with that inane metric system. Serves you
right you gotta pay double for the tools we get for real cheap in the
good ole USA. Anyways, who wants to get buzzed with a 240-volt piece
of euro junk? Buy American! Besides, what kind of woodworking can
you do without Home Despot?
Same goes for drunken Ozzies (as if there were any other kind, I know
it's redundant), and inny othirs who walk upside down. Sheesh,
butchering all that nice jarrah, silky oak & jummywood with those pot
metal Triton POS.
Message for Strines: This newsgroup uses the Queen's English (or at
least the bastardised seppo version). If you want to post in your
weird lingo, m8, go create your own newsgroup, m8. PS: I don't care
if you get pissed off that I stuck you with the whingeing poms, y'all
sound alike anyhoo.
2. TOOLS
2.1 HOW DO I GET STARTED IN WOODWORKING?
If you have less than $20,000 to spend, forget it. You can't make
anything, not even pukey ducks, without at least that much invested in
tools. You need to watch Norm and buy all the same tools he has. You
also need to build a workshop: 60'X100' is about the minimum size for
a newbie. Anything less won't get you anywhere. Always buy the best
and most expensive tools: buy the best and only cry once. Anything
cheaper than a Northfield, Altendorf or Felder is a waste of money.
As Ed pointed out, the tools that any shop must have as an absolute
minimum are:
Unisaw
Cast iron 15" planer
8" jointer
36" belt sander
18" Laguna bandsaw
16" floor drill press
5HP IR compressor
If you cannot afford the above, take up macram=E9.
Don't bother with used tools, only buy new. Otherwise you're just
buying someone else's problems. Besides, where would bottomfeeders
like me get their good tools if it wasn't for newbies giving up on
woodworking and selling off their expensive new tools at bargain
basement prices?
If you can't afford the best, don't buy it. There's lots of different
ways to do any woodworking operation. If you can't afford a dedicated
tenoner or a Unisaur with a tenoning jig, you can use your teeth to
cut tenons. A well-honed scary-sharpened pinkie nail can replace a
top-of-the-line Multico mortiser or a Sorby or Knight mortising
chisel. You can do period reproductions with broken pieces of glass
and a spoon; it just takes you a bit longer.
Even if you want to go Neander, nothing but the full collection of Lie-
Neilson, Clifton, Knight and Veritas planes will do. If you can't
afford them, you need to revise your spending priorities.
2.2 SHOULD I BUY A TABLE SAW OR A RADIAL ARM SAW?
Buy a band saw instead. The cut wanders all over the place and they
leave nifty decorative ridge lines. Then you'll get the chance to
spend hours and hours hand planing the ridge lines and straightening
and squaring the butchered wood with antique hand planes. (See Hand
Plane FAQ)
Speaking of butchering, the purchase of a bandsaw can more easily be
justified to your spouse because it is absolutely indispensable in
cutting frozen food.
You can also use band saws to cut thick stuff in half, such as
yourself, other people, frozen bread and chickens, dead cats, and Ming
vases, none of which can be handled by a TS or RAS. The most a TS or
RAS can cut is little more than the thickness of a hand.
2.3 WHAT IS THE BEST TABLE SAW?
No question: Sears. Bennett accurately described how great Sears
table saws are and about all their special features. They're even
better than the Inca, General, Powermatic or Delta cabinet saws.
After all, he wrote the table saw FAQ, so he should know. Not only do
Sears table saws sort of cut wood and body parts, but they also can be
used to achieve special colouring (coloring, Unisaw) and dye effects
that would otherwise require hours of painstaking finishing work.
Among the special features discovered by Bennett, which Sears does not
advertise, is the "pulse temperature alteration" process which turn
maple into walnut and instantly ages cherry to a patina that normally
takes decades to achieve. It also enhances the grain pattern of dull
woods by having the aluminium (aluminum, Keeter) top add attractive
black streaks to your wood, turning it into zebrawood without the
aggravating unworkability or price of the real thing.
The new Ridgid saws at the Borg apparently have the same features.
Here is a recent series of highly informative posts on this very
topic:
>>> Poor innocent Pid asked:
>>> Delta or Griz...which makes a better Table saw?
>>Silvan wrote:
>>The [Delta/Grizzly] [model] is *much* better than the
>>[Delta/Grizzly] [model] which is a piece of crap.
>>[Delta/Grizzly] is *much* *much* *much* better 90% of the time
>>than [Delta/Grizzly] so you should > always prefer
>>[Delta/Grizzly] over [Delta/Grizzly] whenever you have
>>a choice.
>"Mike Marlow" wrote:
>Oh Bull! You're just a [Delta/Grizzly] bigot and cannot see
>that [Delta/Grizzly] is really a far superior saw. Go ahead
>- keep you eyes closed to the facts. One day you'll wake up
>and get a real saw - a [Delta/Grizzly].
"Edwin Pawlowski" wrote
Why don't you guys knock off the petty bickering. Real men use
[Delta/Grizzly/Jet] table saws.
This was followed by a bevy of bad puns. The authors should be drawn,
quartered and hung.
Paul in MN started it:
>I thought that all the saws cut quick as a Jet, but when used
>in high humidity, say down by the Delta, they leave a bit of
>a Grizzly finish...... in General.
To which Mike Marlow had to add his two cents:
>That's where it takes a real Craftsman to get the job done.
Jo4hn could not resist:
>This gives me a Harbor Fright.
Meanwhile, back on another fork, Silvan uttered:
>That post gives me the Craps man. Somebody ought to Bosch you
>in the head for having such a Rigid attitude. Why, I'll bet you
>don't have any Skil as a wood dorker at all, and if you had
>to dork wood for a living, you'd DeWalt on your mortgage.
And Paul in MN replied:
>Maybe I could make a living at it. I think I'd be a Starrett
>that game.
Aaaargh!
2.4 WHICH SAW BLADE SHOULD I BUY?
Any one will do. Don't spend too much. But do get a thin-kerf, that
way you'll use less wood and save lotsa money. Freud and Forrest are
rip-offs.
2.5 WHAT ARE THE BEST CLAMPS?
Like Larry says, get 'em from Harbor Freight, don't pay the big
bucks. So what if they slip, you can always improvise with wedges and
inner tubes. Besseys are a ripoff made out of plastic crap while the
Jorgensens can't be opened after they're slammed shut, even when your
finger is stuck in them.
2.6 WHICH TYPE OF DADO BLADE SHOULD I BUY, THE DIAL (WOBBLE TYPE) OR
THE STACKING (CHIPPER TYPE)?
Get both! But don't spend too much on them. Avoid Freud, Forrest,
Amana. These guys are out to rip you off. You can also use two or
more saw blades. Who cares if the bottom isn't flat, nobody sees it
anyway.
2.7 WHAT IS THE BEST ROUTER?
For the money, buy a Crapsman. It has a nifty light that allows you
to see the Automatic Random Height Adjustment in action. [f]Art. will
tell you how great they are. Besides, as Jeremy pointed out, the PC
69x's are way too heavy to use.
2.8 WHAT IS THE BEST CORDLESS DRILL?
Stanley. It has a neat ratchet mechanism that allows you use a back
and forth motion rather than just circular. Works all day on just two
charges (breakfast and lunch). Quiet. Any of the German-made
eggbeaters are also pretty good for small holes. For screwing it's
Yankee, despite all the Southrons' delusions of adequacy in this
sphere.
2.9 SHOULD I GET A DUST COLLECTOR?
I am one. You should see my extremely valuable collection of dust.
It is nicely layered on my workshop floor and you can explore the
geology of my woodworking by carefully digging into it and examining
the different layers. Sears tools also work well as dust collectors.
Oh, you mean those big noisy suckers? Here's what Paul Jordan had to
say about them: <http://groups.google.ca/groups?hl=3Den&lr=3D&selm=3D6ntp1v
%24fcc%241%40supernews.com>
2.10 HOW TO KEEP SPLINTERS AND MINUSCULE BITS OF WOOD OUT OF YOUR
SOCKS?
Man, you must be new. Efficient dust collection is soooo important.
Do a Google search for "Downdraft floors."
Basically, you drill a 1/2" hole every 4 to 6 inches in your floor and
hook up a Trane commercial HVAC blower to some duct work that connects
to a "dust pan" that you build under your floor, sized to your shop.
Seal the perimeter well, and oh, do be careful to avoid drilling
through the floor joists. DAMHIKT. Bob's yer uncle, no more dust in
yer Keds.
Concrete floors? No problem. Google for "Updraft roofs." Same
principle, with the added bonus of fuller, bouncier, body in your
hair.
3. TOOL MAINTENANCE
3.1 HOW DO I ALIGN MY TABLESAW
You first need to find the null axis of the warp or centroid of the
cycloid of rotation. Note that the cycloid is adibiatic or
asymptotically free. Be careful not to introduce a modulus of
coefficients of dynamic dependant variables. Shag carpet works best
'cause it minimizes the saggita on your straightedge. You can use
interference fringes or an auto-collimator. This will allow you to
adjust your table saw to make cuts accurate to a gazillionth of an
inch.
Or you can use a dial indicator on a stick that fits in your mitre
(miter, Floyd) gauge (guage, Dave) slot.
3.2 HOW DO I FIX SLIPPING BITS IN MY SEARS ROUTER?
This is Steve Wallace's method, which I've used successfully. Obtain
a 1/4" eyescrew about 2 inches long. Tighten it in the chuck very
tightly. This is assembly A. Mix one bag of concrete mix with enough
water to obtain a consistency like peanut butter. Place assembly A in
the box that your new PC 690 came in, with the eye screw sticking out
of the box. Fill the box, with assembly A inside, to the rim with the
concrete that you mixed previously. Allow the concrete to set at
least 8 hours. Attach several feet of chain to the eyescrew. Tie a
50 foot rope to the chain. To use, tie the loose end of the rope to
your boat. Chuck it over the side when you get to you favourite
(favorite, Keefer) fishin' area.
3.3 HOW DO I TENSION A BANDSAW BLADE?
I don't know, but, apparently, if you get flutter it's got something
to do with being hysterical or maybe you need a hysterectomy.
3.4 WHAT BASIC SHOP SAFETY PRECAUTIONS SHOULD I TAKE?
Ernie Jurick offered the following sensible advice:
After reading all the hazard and safety information that comes with
power tools these days, I've decided that the safest approach is to
not even plug them in. Most of them I leave in the box. Right now my
table saw is a dandy coffee table.
Also, to be on the safe side, I've ground the sharp edges off all
planes, chisels and saws. My hammers are attached to the workbench
with lengths of chain (plastic) to prevent them from being raised more
than 6", thereby minimizing impacts from missed blows. Not that I
would ever use nails, the lethal pointy little devils!
To prevent vision damage I keep my eyes closed whenever I'm in the
shop, and to protect my lungs I never inhale. Needless to say there's
no electricity. The only wood I use is balsa, which I can shape with
my fingernails and teeth. I also wear an aluminium foil beanie with
full frontal- and temporal-lobe brain protection in case the Voices
tell me to do bad things with pliers.
3.5 HOW DO I KEEP MY SAFETY GLASSES CLEAN?
You don't really need safety glasses, they are a real pain, fogging up
and getting full of sawdust so you can't see through them. Might as
well be blind, so why bother. Just close your eyes before anything
hits them.
If you still insist on wearing glasses, the real problem is static
electricity keeping the dust on. This is a very dangerous condition.
Not only does the dust make you unable to see through the glasses, but
the static electricity might build up enough to arc and create sparks
which ignite the sawdust in the air and blow your face off and your
workshop to smithereens. This actually happens a lot, just like with
PVC pipe in dust collection systems. So you need to ground safety
glasses by wrapping them with lots of copper wire and plug in the wire
into a wall outlet. Don't forget to run the ground wire inside _and_
outside! Metal glasses also work.
3.6 WHY IS MY TAPE MEASURE INACCURATE?
On most tape measures, the rivets attaching the hook to the tape
always seem to come loose. You'd figure someone like Starrett would
find a fix to this. You need to lay your tape on the vice (vise,
Keeter) and smack the rivets with a ball peen hammer or a punch, after
pushing the tip back in. And while you're at it take a close look at
the 1/2 dozen or so other tapes you've got laying around the house &
shop.
3.7 HOW DO I PREVENT MY TOOLS FROM RUSTING?
Buy aluminium (Yes Jon, that is the correct spelling!) tools, you
fool! Aluminium table saws don't rust. Plus aluminium tools are
usually cheaper. If you're a rich yuppie bastard ETS, you could also
buy brass or bronze hand-tools.
3.8 HOW DO I REMOVE RUST FROM MY TOOLS?
If you haven't listened to #3.7, a belt sander (sandre, David) with a
coarse grit (60 or 80) will work just fine. It also is useful for
bringing antique tools back to their pristine original condition.
Angle grinders (grindres, Jeff) might work better on curved surfaces.
3.9 WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT THE SCRATCH/STAIN ON MY BRAND NEW $2,000
BLURFL?
Most of us will understand your total state of despair. Any scratch
will make the machine completely useless for its intended purpose.
Your best bet is to drop a few hundred on getting it reground at a
machine shop. That is the only way to get that jointer/tablesaw top
back to its pristine condition. After that you might want to polish
it up with pumice and green compound & jeweller's rouge so that you
can see yourself in it. Just like chisels or plane blades, it won't
work properly if you don't.
You should learn from your mistake and keep your machines covered at
all times, except when you are showing off your shop to your buddies
or relatives, or taking pictures for your web site. Do not ever, I
repeat, not ever, use the machines. Like famous artwork, Gucci shoes
or Rolex watches, expensive woodworking machines are there only to
impress others: the reality is that nobody on this group ever uses
them. People who actually use tools buy Sears.
3.10 HOW DO I CLEAN MY SAW BLADES/ROUTER BITS?
Muriatic acid. If it works on concrete it'll work on anything,
including stubborn resin. Just make sure to pour the acid in the
water. (or is it the other way round?) Besides, it's pretty safe and
natural as your stomach makes it all the time.
4. SOURCES OF TOOLS AND MATERIALS
4.1 WHAT IS THE BEST PLACE TO BUY TOOLS?
Trendlines or Harbor Freight. Sears is also pretty good, with high
quality, durable tools. For Canadians, it's Crappy Tire. The other
places are a rip-off. You could also join the Handyman Club of
America and get a whole bunch of free tools for testing. But this is
supposed to be secret, so don't tell anyone you heard it here.
4.2 SHOULD I BUY A SEARS BLURFL?
Sears Crapsman are fine tools for beginning and advanced woodworkers.
If you don't believe me ask [f]Art.. He has been busy researching
Craftsman history and found that Craftsman power tools actually are
significantly better than those of 20 years ago. They give your stuff
the real imperfect "hand-crafted" look. Make sure you also get a
Sears belt sander to fix your mistakes.
Bob Z. responded to questions from a newbie about the Craftsman
bashing issue.
Q. I've noticed that CRAFTSMAN (Sears) woodworking tools like
tablesaws, radial arm saws, band saws, etc., seem to get dumped on.
Why?
>The answer is simple: this forum is a bunch of mean spirited drooling idio=
ts.
Q. Are they really that bad?
>No. Craftsman tools are excellent! These morons just can't afford Crafts=
man quality, so they have to bash Craftsman. Don't listen to these patheti=
c losers.
Q. What do the experts consider to be the "best" or "top of the line"
brands when it comes to woodworking tools.
>Craftsman!!! How can there be any doubt???!!! Don't listen to these fool=
s!!!
Sears also makes incredibly efficient motors. For the same size and
weight and electrical current draw, their motors have much more power
than the competition. Who else but Sears can defy the laws of physics
and make a 3 horsepower motor that only draws 13 Amps at 120 Volts?
Maybe the screaming coming from a universal motor is the sound of that
unaccounted for power being sucked through the interdimensional
vortex?
4.3 WHY IS BOB VILA SUCH A JERK?
The Bobster is not a jerk. It's not his fault he knows everything and
other people don't. Evidence of this is that he was responsible for
bringing Norm to PBS. The fact that he shills the wonderful Sears
tool is even more evidence of his great insight.
4.4 SHOULD I BUY A CHIWANESE CLONE BLURFL?
Sure, they're cheaper. You can save a lot of money. But don't spend
the big bucks on Grizzly & especially Jet. They are overpriced.
They're all made in the same factory anyway.
4.5 IS RIDGID (ALSO SPELLED RIGID, RIDGED, ETC.) ANY GOOD?
The best!!! Ask any plumber. Oh, you mean the new woodworking stuff
at the Borg. The Rigid tools at HD are actually like a cross between
Jet and Delta. The Borg was getting tired of matching prices with
everybody on Delta tools, so they got the producer of the great Sears
stationary tools, Emerson Electric, to develop a new line for them
that's even better and cheaper than Sears, Delta, Powermatic, Jet,
General, Felder, Inca, Altendorf, all put together.
4.6 WHAT SHOULD I DO IF HD WON'T MATCH A PRICE?
The Borg has a very clear policy of matching competitors' prices and
taking 10% off. It is very important for all of us to make sure that
Home Despot follows its policy. How else are we going to help the
Borg eliminate all its competitors? A HD monopoly would make life
much easier for us woodworkers. It would eliminate the agonizing
choices about what to buy and who to buy from we have to make every
time we need a tool or some wood. We would save a lot of time wasted
shopping around when we could be working in the shop. It would also
end up saving a lot of bandwidth on rec.norm and avert the need to
split the group. So if you're having a problem in any store, threaten
to call Linda or Joan or Lisa at the HD headquarters (actually, any
female name will work).
4.7 WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN THE TRUCKDRIVER REFUSES TO UNLOAD AND SET UP
MY NEW 2000LB MAIL ORDER BLURFL?
Truck drivers should be required to break their backs because you
ordered from a mail-order company or Amazon to get a price break and
not from your local dealer. To hell with OSHA and all other stupid
government regulations and union rules. It's a real ripoff when you
pay $25.00 for shipping 1000 pounds across the continent and then have
to pay a whole bunch more to get it unloaded at your house. Lift
gates should be compulsory on all semi trailers, to force the freight
companies to deal fairly with their hobbyist woodworking customers,
who are the largest part of their business. Do they think everybody
has a loading dock in their workshop? It's obviously not the mail
order company since they always make sure they get the best, fastest,
and most expensive shipping methods and always specify FAS delivery.
4.8 WHERE CAN I GET INFORMATION ABOUT PARTICLE BOARD AND MDF?
One word - Home Despot. The helpful staff at Home Depot know
everything there is to know about wood and woodworking. They are all
qualified tradespeople who took a massive pay cut just so they could
be helpful to rank amateurs.
4.9 CAN I USE THE WOOD FROM PALLETS?
Used pallets are a very easy way of getting free good hardwood. You
can save a lot of money by disassembling pallets. Pallets need to be
strong so they are made of the best quality clear, dry and straight-
grained hardwood, even better than what you can get at the Borg. You
might even get some expensive tropical hardwoods on pallets from
Southeast Asia or Japan. Plus reusing pallets saves trees to hug for
the eco-freaks among us.
You should have no problem taking the pallets apart, since most pallet
manufacturers have thoughtfully made them easy to disassemble.
Crowbars to your wallet or tactical nuclear weapons work best. (See
Crowbar FAQ)
Don't worry about nails. Nails are made from soft steel. The steel
in your planer and jointer are harder than nails, and so is the
carbide on your blades. (So is the steel in any decent hand plane,
for the Neander types.)
4.10 WHAT IS THE BEST PLACE TO GET HARDWOOD?
If you're too lazy to take pallets apart go to eBay. You can get
incredible hardwoods for really cheap, all precut in the sizes you
need for actual projects. Don't worry about getting into a bidding
war, the stuff for sale there is worth a lot more than anyone has ever
bid on it. The pictures don't do it justice. The Borg is also pretty
good, and you'll save on planing and jointing. Local lumberyards and
sawmills specializing in hardwoods are a rip-off.
5. ELECTRICITY AND COMPRESSED AIR
5.1 HOW DO I WIRE MY SHOP?
As my friend Doug, the journeyman cabinetmaker, says: there's only
four things you gotta know about being an electrician:
S--- flows downhill,
Payday is on Friday,
It may be s--- to you but its bread and butter to them, and
Every asshole is a potential customer.
Oops! That was about plumbers. Forget it. Anyway, Doug is just
jealous of plumbers 'cause they make more money than cabinetmakers,
just like Tom. They both got office jobs now.
Actually, all the regulars and most of the newbies on the wreck are
electrical experts. That's why any thread on wiring and electricity
gets so many responses. Most of us work with electricity all the
time. After all computers and power tools are electrical, and so's
the TV we watch Norm on. If you want to change the plug on your
tablesaw, you still need to know everything about wiring and amps and
volts and watts and volt-amps and wire gauges and phases and power
factors and impedance and resistance and plug configurations and panel
sizes and capacitors and motors and switches and electrical codes.
But that's OK, don't be afraid. You can trust any wiring and
electrical advice from anybody on the wreck, apply it and be
absolutely sure that it will meet code and be perfectly safe. No
point in getting ripped off by electricians or consulting an
inspector. Just ask away on the group and you can be sure of getting
a whole lot of accurate and consistent responses, just like when you
ask any math question of all the rocket scientists on the wreck.
5.2 SHOULD I WIRE MY SAW FOR 240?
As Kent Fitzgerald pointed out, the Top 10 Reasons to wire your
tablesaw for 240 Volts (or is it 220?) are:
10. You can amaze your friends by claiming it gives you twice as much
power. (Of course this isn't true, but they'll mostly just nod
solemnly and grunt in approval).
9. And if they fall for that, go on and tell them it's actually four
times as much power! Yeah, that's the ticket, because, uh, you know,
Power equals Something Squared.
8. To really astound them, mention that it now costs nothing to run,
because all the used electricity goes right back to the power company,
instead of being wastefully poured into the ground. (Watt-Hours?
What-Hours? Whatever!).
7. All the lights in your house will dim equally when the saw
stalls.
6. No more sleepless nights worrying about which side of the
receptacle was supposed to be neutral.
5. Deters would-be borrowers. Too bad you can't do the same for all
your tools. "Sorry, Uncle Chester, I'd love to lend ya some clamps,
but all a mine need two hunnerd-n-forty volts".
4. Family members won't use your saw receptacle to plug in the Xmas
lights. At least not more than once.
3. Ever notice that the Europeans use 220V for everything? Make the
switch, and you just might develop a little continental flair
yourself. Vive la difference!
2. That 240V receptacle kinda looks like a cute little face winking
at you. If you spend a lot of time in the shop alone, you could give
it a name and talk to it sometimes.
And, the Number One Reason to wire your tablesaw for 220 Volts....
1. Your saw will enjoy the benefits of perfectly balanced waves of
alternating current, in absolute symmetry with respect to Earth
Potential (say, wasn't that a band back when in the 60's?). This will
reduce vibration, increase bearing life, equalize your Feng Shui, put
some swing in your inner harmony, and prevent demagnetization of your
aura.
5.3 SHOULD I USE PVC FOR MY COMPRESSED AIR LINES?
Sure. PVC is good for up to 600 p.s.i. Your compressor doesn't go
that high.
Some people will tell you that OSHA has banned PVC because it's likely
to turn to shrapnel if it breaks. That's just a lot of typically
stupid government regulation bullshit. OSHA? Screw them. If they
had it their way, all workers would wear Kevlar body suits and
helmets. CW & Rob Stokes & Victor? They're full of it. Besides,
they're still alive, so what are they complaining about? Campbell
Hausfeld? They're just trying to support their steel suppliers. PVC
pipe manufacturers? They're just trying to cover their legal butt.
They prolly also say you can't use their pipe for water.
A lot of guys on the wreck have used PVC and nothing bad has happened
to them. After all, I've been smoking since I was twelve years old
and it hasn't hurt me. Don't worry, go ahead and save a few bucks.
The rest of us will get to buy your tools real cheap from yer widder
lady. Heh, heh!
6. PLANS
6.1 WHERE CAN I FIND PLANS FOR A POINTY STICK?
Pointy stick making is the most ancient and perhaps the most intricate
form of woodworking. Do not let their apparent simplicity deceive
you. Luckily, charlie b has dedicated an entire web site to pointy
sticks. Your best bet is to go there: <http://home.comcast.net/
~charliebcz/PointyStick/PS1TableOfContent.html>
6.2 WHERE CAN I FIND FREE PLANS?
Take that crowbar to your wallet, you cheapskate. See Crowbar FAQ.
JOAT would be happy to give you free plans. He's always happy to reply
to email requests for free plans from folks just like you. Hell, if
you're in the neighbourhood, just stop on by and see him. If I can
find his phone number, I'll post it to all of Usenet so that you'll be
sure to see it.
6.3 WHERE CAN I GET PLANS FOR THE NEW YANKEE WORKSHOP PROJECTS?
You don't need plans. Bring your TV into the workshop and just follow
Norm as he is doing the work. If you have any clue about woodworking,
you should have no problem working as fast as he does.
6.4 WHAT BOOKS SHOULD I PURCHASE TO LEARN ABOUT VARIOUS ASPECTS OF
WOODWORKING?
Watch the NYW on TV. With Norm, you don't need any steenking books.
Or get them cheap at the LEE-BRARY.
You could also get the books on this website:
<http://webpages.charter.net/29Y/woodworking/books/>
6.5 WHAT IS THE BEST WOODWORKING MAGAZINE?
See #6.4.
6.6 CAN I REPOST A NEAT ARTICLE/PLAN I FOUND ELSEWHERE?
Not if you don't want to have face the wrath of a pinko hog-ridin' ex-
marine hillbilly writer. Copyright law is really simple: don't you
ever dare copy anything from anywhere. Not even the word "the".
Period. Just using the cut and paste feature on your computer could
land you in deep trouble. Copyright violations take the food out of
the mouths of the children of poor little innocent multinational
corporations. Besides, you will end up with a thread with over 100
posts full of legalese from a whole bunch of people who really know
what they are talking about, just like the electrical threads.
Violating copyright laws is just as bad as criticising a certain
Soviet Kanuckistani tool pornographer.
On the other hand, posting copies of every single issue of a magazine
and expensive CAD software will be much appreciated, as long as you
use weird posting software that nobody can use.
Disclaimer: This does not refer to anyone who has ever posted in this
newsgroup, whether they are a pinko hog-ridin' ex-marine hillbilly
writer or not. It was simply meant to refer to the wrath a copyright
violator is likely to face. Note that the words tool review or
blasphemous support of Sears tools or Woodcraft were not mentioned, so
reference to any particular individual self was not intended. See
Disclaimer FAQ.
6.7 WHERE DO I FIND PLANS FOR A COFFIN?
Here is the invaluable advice provided by the ever helpful wreck.wood
regulars. (Courtesy of Deja News)
>>>>>Christine Marie Sorensen wrote:
I'm looking for a book or set of plans to build a wood coffin.
Can anyone help out?
>>>> Jeff Mayhew wrote:
I'll see what I can dig up....
>>> Tom Perigrin wrote:
That joke was a grave offense to my ears.
>> Patrick Olguin wrote:
Could we please let this thread die and be buried?
> Gary T. wrote:
Here's another one for the kill file
Ted Scott wrote:
A resurrected thread.
6.8 WHERE DO I GET PLAN FOR BAT HOUSES?
WTF do you want those flying rodents around? Are you batty or
something. They'll just give you rabies and other nasty diseases
after sucking out all your blood. Besides bats screw all night from 3
AM to daybreak.
7. TECHNIQUES
7.1 HOW DO I CUT DOVETAILS?
Don't bother. Nails and glue are just as good, even just nails.
Nobody sees them, and people shouldn't be looking into your drawers.
Anyway, people who look into your drawers aren't looking for
dovetails. For the price of a good dovetail jig, you can get yourself
a compressor and a nailer, just like Norm's, which have many more uses
than just making drawer joints. If you're thinking of cutting them by
hand, forget it. Think of all the money you'll spend on wasted wood
in the four or five years it'll take you to learn. Like I said, get a
compressor and a nailer.
Besides just try using a dovetail jig or a dovetail saw to nail a
burglar to the floor.
7.2 I THINK NORM COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING IN A BETTER WAY ...
NORM RULES!! Norm bashing is not countenanced in this newsgroup under
any circumstances. Norm is perfect and he has the best workshop with
all the best tools. He is the greatest woodworker in the whole wide
world and in all of history. HE IS NOT TOM SILVA'S WATER BOY!!!
Norm does not make mistakes and does the finest woodworking that is
humanly possible. Norm always does everything in the best possible
way. He is better than Tage Frid, Frank Klausz, James Krenov, Sam
Maloof, Tom Plamann, Ian Kirby and all those other phoneys and rip-off
artists who claim they can hand-plane a bench-top to within 1/1000 of
an inch, all put together. If enough people built things the way Norm
does and bought the same tools he has, the world would be a much
better place. Nailers and bisquick joiners make the best joints for
attaching wood and cross grain construction is perfect if you use
enough brads and biscuits and glue. No need for expensive clamps if
you've got a brad nailer. Schlepping glue all over your project with
a wet rag saves on finishing. Minwax stain and poly is unquestionably
the best finish for any project using any kind of wood. Anybody who
thinks different or who dares criticize Norm is just jealous. If you
hate him so much, why do you keep watching his show?
As the Pope has infallibility in matters of faith, so has the Plaid
One in matters of sawdust. If you don't believe me, you will get
flamed and get tons of hate email for your blasphemy. You will be
tarred, feathered and run out of town on a rail. Just ask Tom
Perigrin. Ignore that JOAT pagan. There is but one woodworking god.
Norm is Jewish and a carpenter and his mother was a virgin. 'Nuff
said!
7.3 HOW DO I MAKE A PUSH STICK?
Using a dead cat. There are many different methods, but the consensus
of this newsgroup is that dead cats work best.
Only Keith goes for pukey ducks. No comment on what Groggy uses, but
then he's Strine.
7.4 WHAT SIZE DRILL BIT DO I USE FOR A WOOD SCREW?
Real men screw in their screws without drilling. Drilling's a waste
of time. Better yet, use nails. Even better, use an air nailer.
7.5 SHOULD I USE A HOT MELT GLUE GUN FOR MY NEXT PROJECT?
Sure. Hot melt is great, 'cause you can fix your mistakes easily.
Only Lew uses epoxy.
7.6 WHAT IS THE CORRECT WAY TO HANDLE THE GLUE SQUEEZE OUT PROBLEM?
Try hot melt instead. Or you could slather the glue all over your
work with a sopping wet rag. Saves on finishing.
7.7 HOW DO I GET RID OF THE BLACK STAINS ON MY HANDS FROM GORILLA
GLUE?
Use yellow glue instead. A belt sander with minimum a 60-grit belt
will work. Coarser (courser in wreckspeak) is even better.
Don't event think of acetone. Not only is it explosive, it also
causes liver damage, just like shellac thinner or your buddy's
homemade vino. The slightest drop on your hands and you will end up
with cirrhosis or liver cancer.
7.8 WHAT IS SNIPE AND HOW DO I ELIMINATE IT?
Snipe is a bird living in Florida among the ash trees. Very hard to
find so it must be an endangered species. Why would you want to
eliminate them? Don't you have any respect for wildlife? Doug will
lecture you for desecrating the environment.
7.9 WHICH ARE BETTER: ENGLISH/IMPERIAL/SAE MEASUREMENTS OR METRIC/SI?
Here are the main arguments for both sides of the debate:
PRO IMPERIAL:
There is absolutely no question; traditional imperial measurements are
far superior for woodworking. Most wreckers use it for very good
reasons:
PRO METRIC:
There is absolutely no question; metric measurements are far superior
for woodworking. Most woodworkers in the world use it for very good
reasons:
Intuitiveness:
1. Imperial is much more intuitive and natural. Feet and inches
(thumbs) have been used throughout human history as they are related
to human body parts (fingers and feet). As Michelangelo said: man is
the measure of all things.
1. Metric is much more intuitive and natural. Humans always use a
base 10 system as it is related to human body parts (number of fingers
& toes). As Michelangelo said: man is the measure of all things.
Communicating measurements:
2. Imperial is easier to hear and leads to less confusion. Someone
calls out a measurement for a piece of wood, & before you notice it,
you cut 10mm instead of 10cm.
2. Metric is easier to hear and leads to less confusion. Quickly now,
is 19/32" bigger or smaller than 5/8"? On the other hand, it is
immediately obvious that 15mm is smaller than 16mm.
Ease of learning
3. Imperial measurements are easier to learn. You don't have to
memorize all those crazy prefixes: femto, nano, micro, milli, centi,
deci, deka, hecto, kilo, mega, myria, giga, etc.
3. Metric measurements are easier to learn. You don't have to remember
all those crazy measures like inches, hands, feet, cubits, yards,
fathoms, rods, cones, chains, furlongs, cables, miles, etc.
Arithmetic
4. Imperial uses simple fractional arithmetic which we all learned in
grade school. Not like metric where you need to know all those
prefixes and can easily make a mistake on your calculator & cut
something 10 times too big or 10 times too small.
4. Metric uses simple decimal arithmetic where you can use your
calculator directly without springing big bucks for one that
calculates inches and fractions.
Division:
5. It's a lot easier to divide stuff in imperial measurements. What
do you call half a millimeter? Ever try to divide 304.8mm by four? A
foot is real easy - 12" divided by four is 3".
5. It's a lot easier to divide stuff in metric measurements. Ever try
to divide 39 9/16 inches by four? While 1000mm divided by four
readily gives 250mm.
Accuracy
6. Imperial is more accurate. You can easily go to 1/32 which is more
precise than 1mm.
6. Metric is more accurate. You can easily go to 0.5mm which is more
precise than 1/32"
The REAL Reason
7. Metric is a stupid cowardly French system. You don't want to
support those smelly unwashed arrogant ingrates, do you? GOD BLESS
AMERICA!
7. Inches and feet are a stupid warmongering American imperialist
system. The rest of the world and all scientists use the much more
rational metric system. It's about time the US gets into the 19th
century, never mind the 21st! VIVE LA FRANCE!
7.10 WHAT IS RESAWING?
To saw again, as in re-saw, like when you cut something too short.
Jees, newbies ask dumb questions.
7.11 SHOULD I USE ROUND OR SQUARE DOGS IN MY WORKBENCH?
Apparently there is a secret reason to use round (or was it square? I
forget which.). As the other Randy said, octagonal is best for
Canadians, as it is a compromise, eh?
7.12 SHOULD I JOIN THE HANDYMAN CLUB OF AMERICA?
Definitely! This is unquestionably the best deal going anywhere! You
get this neat card to put in your wallet, and nifty stickers to put on
your tools that identify you as a master carpenter just like Norm.
You get to test and review all sorts of tools and keep them after the
testing, and you get a subscription for their magazine. By the first
year you will have an entire shop full of tools (!!) including a
genuine drill index gauge made from indestructible plastic and a 14-
in-1 multi-tool constructed out of genuine carbon steel.
Once the magazine arrives you won't need any other reference and not
need any more advice from this group (after all I bet most of you are
non-members).
7.13 WHY WON'T SWMBO LET ME BUILD THAT PIECE OF FURNITURE INSTEAD OF
BUYING A TERMITE PUKE POS?
The reason is quite simple. It has nothing to do with female pop
psychology or all the BS you hear about Mars & Venus. Face the facts:
men are from earth, women are from earth - deal with it.
As Max's sister said:
> All the Men-from-Mars here must have fragile egos because I
> haven't heard a major reason women are resistant to let you
> build the new living room set: it will take forever to make,
> it will be built by an amateur, AND LOOK IT.
>
> All you armchair shrinks have gone on about women needing
> affirmation, etc.--did it ever occur to you that she was
> just too nice to say, "Honey, your projects look amateurish
> and cheesy. You should stick to step stools, workbenches,
> and picture frames" hmmm? I doubt it!
>
> Your "insecure wife who needs approval from her friends" isn't
> out to emasculate you or keep up with the Joneses when she
> doesn't share your enthusiasm, it is because you have all the
> taste and style of Norm Abrams. It is because a "Sauder
> particle board piece of junk" from Office Max looks better
> than anything you have made before, and you've given her no
> reason to think that will ever change. It's because it
> doesn't matter if it is a woodworking tour de force of soooo
> much higher quality ("but it's REAL WOOD honey!") it is the
> stylistic equivalent of a leisure suit.
>
> The pop-psych wannabes can project onto the women all you
> want, But that won't change the fact that you're not as good
> as you think you are. Face it if you can, all you Men-from-
> Mars!
>
> Now I'm going to go ask my friends if they think this post is
> OK.
8. FINISHING
8.1 HOW DO I REMOVE PAINT ON AN ANTIQUE?
Sandblasting works best and gives you that antique old barn look.
Belt sanders work almost as well.
8.2 HOW DO I GET RID OF CAT URINE STAINS?
Make a pushstick. See #7.3.
8.3 HOW DO I MAKE A TACK CLOTH?
Take a crowbar and force the wallet out of your pocket. Once you've
successfully completed that task, use the crowbar to extract a one
dollar bill. Hand bill to clerk at hardware store. Wait for change
unless you're a Rock-a-fella. See Crowbar FAQ.
If the crowbar trick does not work, get a clean, lint-free rag and
soak it in linseed oil. Wring it and bunch it up. Pile some plane
shavings around the rag to absorb the excess oil. Then use the fire
insurance money to buy tack rags at the hardware store.
8.4 WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TUNG OIL AND LINSEED OIL?
Greg Lewin offered the following.
Tung oil was originally made in China by extracting the oils from the
tongue of a particular kind of chicken (the Chinese Showy Red, to be
exact). Like gunpowder and paper, the Chinese invented this finish
long before Europeans were even walking, but the Brits changed the
name to "tung" to avoid the obvious negative connotations of animal by-
products.
More recently, the Peruvians have imported the Chinese Reds and
improved the oil production by crossing the line with a Peruvian
chicken (I forget the name), so, like coffee, most of our tung oil
comes from South America. Obviously, PETA and Greenpeace and the like
have waged a world-wide campaign against using tung oil, which has
prompted American manufacturers (who always capitulate to us radical
enviro's) to look for other sources. Hence, they've developed linseed
oil, which comes from the seed of the linoleum tree.
Rob Stokes added:
You forgot to mention that during the migration to South America, the
Chinese Showy Red was also inadvertently bred with a Mexican chicken
called the Araucana. The Araucana is known for laying eggs of various
colors [sic] and is often called the "Easter chicken". On rare
occasions, if the tongue oil is extracted from one of these birds
where the recessive tonal gene actually surfaces, the result is some
beautifully toned raw material. Often the color [sic] needs to be
"worked" a bit through a refinement process, but the results can be
staggering.
8.5 HOW DO I FINISH TOYS?
Your best bet is to use a toxic tropical hardwood and do not finish it
at all. Old lead paint also works because of its durability. If it
has lasted that many years on walls, it will be child resistant.
8.6 WHAT IS THE BEST FINISH FOR A CUTTING BOARD?
Lead paint. Adds a nice salty flavour (flavor, Floyd) to the food.
8.7 HOW DO I FINISH CHERRY?
Stain and poly. Paint also works well in hiding the ugly grain. The
stuff will turn dark anyway, so no point wasting much time on the
finish. Besides, you don't want anybody coming on your furniture, do
you? Don't use linseed oil as it will turn your cherry into a blob of
cellulose in no time by disintegrating the lignin.
8.8 WHAT IS THE BEST FINISH FOR A WOODEN LAWN ORNAMENT?
Lighter fluid and a match. Gasoline (petrol, Jeff) will also work.
8.9 HOW DO I FINISH THE EDGE OF PLYWOOD?
Belt sand it and paint it, same as anything else.
9. TERMINOLOGY
9.1 WHAT DOES 4/4 MEAN?
Pronounced "four slash four". Refers to how many times the wood has
been slashed. If it's 5/4, the wood was slashed 4 times out of five
attempts. Make sure you pronounce it correctly, otherwise you'll look
like a complete dork at the lumberyard.
9.2 WHAT IS A BOARD FOOT?
It's when your foot gets tired and cranky from not having anything
interesting to do. No, wait, that's a "bored" foot.
It is important to know what a board foot is so that you don't look
like a dork at the lumberyard. It's just a board that's a foot long.
Some people give you complicated formulas such as take the length of
the board in inches, multiply by 12 and divide by 144. If you
actually do the arithmetic, you'll realize they only do this to
mystify newbies.
9.3 WHAT ARE SOME OF THE COMMON WOODWORKING TERMS/ABBREVIATIONS?
Your best bet is to watch old BBC sitcoms where they use the same
acronyms as this group.
9.4 WHAT IS SWMBO?
See no. 9.3.
9.5 WHAT IS A NEANDERTHAL?
Someone so useless as to be incapable of using power tools. They
usually end up chopping up their sawhorses and workmates with a skil
saw, decide the fault is with the skil saw and pretend to make a
virtue of a necessity. Use antique hand planes on unsuitable striped
tropical hardwoods when a belt sander would do a much better job in no
time at all. See Hand Plane FAQ
Disclaimer: This is not an attack on anyone who has ever posted in
this newsgroup, whether they have cut up workmates with a skil saw or
not. It is also not meant to imply any thing negative about Skil's or
Black & Decker's fine products, or people who make a virtue of a
necessity. The word skil saw was used generically, like kleenex, and
could refer to any portable circular saw, including those sold by
Sears. Notice that the words Zebrawood or shellac were not used, so
it is not meant to refer to any particular individual, but rather
generally to people who use hand planes on unsuitable wood. See
Disclaimer FAQ.
9.6 IS THIS A GLOAT?
It's a gloat only if you cheat a poor old widder lady out of her
rightful inheritance or if you rip off a store by taking advantage of
the dumb manager/clerk/cashier's stupidity. Nothing else qualifies,
not even Bessey clamps obtained at Sears, regardless of their length.
9.7 WHAT IS GOOGLE?
Don't bother. If it wasn't for people asking and answering the same
stupid questions all the time, this newsgroup would die.
9.8 WHAT IS A TROLL?
The answer is . . . PURPLE.
10. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS AND COPYRIGHT.
I didn't ask for help writing this, and nobody did a damn thing to
assist me in anyway whatsoever. I stole the idea and some of the text
from Mark Lathem who wrote the anti-FAQ for alt.smokers.pipes. I also
stole a lot of ideas from other people in wreck.wood. If it was your
idea of a joke I stole, too bad, it's mine now. Finders keepers! Of
course, 10 minutes after this thing hits wreck.wood I'll be flooded
with "helpful suggestions. Thanks for nothing, guys. I know a couple
of them are lame, but I don't care.
An earlier version of this anti-faq was graciously made available by
Spokeshave (John Gunterman) on his website at <http://www.shavings.net/
anti_faq.htm>.
The latest version should be available on my website at: <http://
www.yukonomics.ca/wooddorking/antifaq.html>
Original ignored copyright notice:
Copyright 1998 by Mark Lathem, all rights reserved. You can't copy
this thing for any reason. It's mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.
The original alt.smokers.pipes anti-FAQ is available at:
<http://www.pipes.org/anti_asp_FAQ.html>
Real copyright:
Copyright (c)1998-2005 by Luigi Zanasi all rights reserved. You can't
copy this thing for any reason. It's now mine, mine, mine, mine,
mine. I stole it fair & square. Neener neener!
And tai fu & Rob Humphreys & Brian (the Ohio skidoo guy), I'm on to
you. Expect a visit from the copyright police and a lawsuit any day
now.