HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR:
2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh
largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.
=A0White minorities still trying to have English recognized as
Mexifornia's third language.
=A0
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and
livestock.
=A0
Baby conceived naturally. =A0Scientists stumped.
=A0
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
=A0
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of
the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq,Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
=A0
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more
years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
=A0
France pleads for global help after being taken over by
Jamaica.
=A0
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
=A0
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
=A0
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces
mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
=A0
85-year $75.8 billion study: =A0Diet and Exercise is the key to weight
loss.
=A0
Average weight of Americans
drops to 250 lbs.
=A0
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
=A0
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
=A0
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil
rights.
=A0
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
=A0
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers,
fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January
2036.
=A0
Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.
=A0
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
=A0
Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
JOAT
Politician \Pol`i*ti"cian\, n. Latin for career criminal