O/T: Ode To The Fart

Lew Hodgett wrote:
> To complement jo4hn's post.
>
> Enjoy
>
> Lew
> ========================================
> A fart is a pleasant thing,
> It gives the belly ease,
> It warms the bed in winter,
> And suffocates the fleas.
>
> A fart can be quiet,
> A fart can be loud,
> Some leave a powerful,
> Poisonous cloud.
>
> A fart can be short,
> Or a fart can be long,
> Some farts have been known
> To sound like a song.....
>
> A fart can create
> A most curious medley,
> A fart can be harmless,
> Or silent , and deadly.
>
> A fart might not smell,
> While others are vile,
> A fart may pass quickly,
> Or linger a while......
>
> A fart can occur
> In a number of places,
> And leave everyone there,
> With strange looks on their faces.
>
> From wide-open prairie,
> To small elevators,
> A fart will find all of
> Us sooner or later.
>
> But farts are all bad,
> Is simply not true-
> We must never forget.......
> Sweet old farts like you!
>
> Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?

Speaking of eyes and farts:

"Then said the clerk Absolon,
'Speak, sweet bird, I know not where thou art.'
Nicholas then let fly a fart
As great as if it had been a thunder clap,
That with the stroke Absolon was almost blinded;"

And, regarding tears, the text goes on:

"But he was ready with his hot iron
And hit Nicholas right on the arse.
Off went about a hand's breadth of skin,
The hot coulter so burned his butt,
And he thought he would die of the pain."

The Miller's Tale by Chaucer
(One of two tales that are pornographic - the other being the Reeve's Tale.
Don't read them, they'll rot your mind. Don't even. Not a word.)

Robatoy wrote:
> On Jul 6, 2:50 am, "Lew Hodgett" <[email protected]> wrote:
>[snip]

>> Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?
>
> As we say up here in Canuckistan, upon hearing 'that sound': "the
> geese are flying low today."

I happened to be on an elevator with an English gentleman who farted.
His explanation? "Trouser cough."
:-)

This is touching.

Inspired while shaving in the bathroom mirror this morning?


RonB

On Jul 7, 3:28=A0pm, Steve Turner <[email protected]> wrote:
> Robatoy wrote:
> > On Jul 7, 1:23 pm, jo4hn <[email protected]> wrote:
> >> Robatoy wrote:
> >>> On Jul 6, 2:50 am, "Lew Hodgett" <[email protected]> wrote:
> >>> [snip]
> >>>> Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?
> >>> As we say up here in Canuckistan, upon hearing 'that sound': "the
> >>> geese are flying low today."
> >> I happened to be on an elevator with an English gentleman who farted.
> >> His explanation? =A0"Trouser cough."
> >> :-)
>
> > or;
> > "Ooops, stepped on a barking spider."
>
> We used to call it "a low flying elk". =A0I have no idea what that means.=
=A0:-)
>

I do not remember where I heard/saw this but there is this scene where
dad goes "Pull my finger" to his little boy, dad then farts and the
kid says: "What are you, some kind of doorbell?"

On Tue, 07 Jul 2009 18:34:57 -0500, krw <[email protected]> wrote:

>On Tue, 07 Jul 2009 14:28:00 -0500, Steve Turner
><[email protected]> wrote:
>
>>Robatoy wrote:
>>> On Jul 7, 1:23 pm, jo4hn <[email protected]> wrote:
>>>> Robatoy wrote:
>>>>> On Jul 6, 2:50 am, "Lew Hodgett" <[email protected]> wrote:
>>>>> [snip]
>>>>>> Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?
>>>>> As we say up here in Canuckistan, upon hearing 'that sound': "the
>>>>> geese are flying low today."
>>>> I happened to be on an elevator with an English gentleman who farted.
>>>> His explanation? "Trouser cough."
>>>> :-)
>>>
>>> or;
>>> "Ooops, stepped on a barking spider."
>>
>>We used to call it "a low flying elk". I have no idea what that means. :-)
>
>Geese.
"got a duck in yer' pocket"

or

"If the little stinker doesn't want to pay the rent he cansneak out
the back but he doesn't have to slam the door!!"

HeyBub wrote:
> Lew Hodgett wrote:

(snip)

> Off went about a hand's breadth of skin,
> The hot coulter so burned his butt,
> And he thought he would die of the pain."
>
... so THAT's where she got her reputation from ... now, all
those who require provenance for comments should shut up ...

Aero

Lew Hodgett wrote:
> To complement jo4hn's post.
>
> Enjoy
>
> Lew
> ========================================
> A fart is a pleasant thing,
> It gives the belly ease,
> It warms the bed in winter,
> And suffocates the fleas.
>
> A fart can be quiet,
> A fart can be loud,
> Some leave a powerful,
> Poisonous cloud.
>
> A fart can be short,
> Or a fart can be long,
> Some farts have been known
> To sound like a song.....
>
> A fart can create
> A most curious medley,
> A fart can be harmless,
> Or silent , and deadly.
>
> A fart might not smell,
> While others are vile,
> A fart may pass quickly,
> Or linger a while......
>
> A fart can occur
> In a number of places,
> And leave everyone there,
> With strange looks on their faces.
>
> From wide-open prairie,
> To small elevators,
> A fart will find all of
> Us sooner or later.
>
> But farts are all bad,
> Is simply not true-
> We must never forget.......
> Sweet old farts like you!
>
> Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?

Dilbert's cartoon today - Jul 8 - is kinda on point:
http://www.dilbert.com/fast

"RonB" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> This is touching.
> Inspired while shaving in the bathroom mirror this morning?

You touched yourself while shaving in the bathroom this morning?

On Jul 6, 2:50=A0am, "Lew Hodgett" <[email protected]> wrote:
> To complement jo4hn's post.
>
> Enjoy
>
> Lew
> =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
> A fart is a pleasant thing,
> It gives the belly ease,
> It warms the bed in winter,
> And suffocates the fleas.
>
> A fart can be quiet,
> A fart can be loud,
> Some leave a powerful,
> Poisonous cloud.
>
> A fart can be short,
> Or a fart can be long,
> Some farts have been known
> To sound like a song.....
>
> A fart can create
> A most curious medley,
> A fart can be harmless,
> Or silent , and deadly.
>
> A fart might not smell,
> While others are vile,
> A fart may pass quickly,
> Or linger a while......
>
> A fart can occur
> In a number of places,
> And leave everyone there,
> With strange looks on their faces.
>
> From wide-open prairie,
> To small elevators,
> A fart will find all of
> Us sooner or later.
>
> But farts are all bad,
> Is simply not true-
> We must never forget.......
> Sweet old farts like you!
>
> Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?

As we say up here in Canuckistan, upon hearing 'that sound': "the
geese are flying low today."

On Jul 8, 12:03=A0am, [email protected] wrote:
> On Tue, 07 Jul 2009 18:34:57 -0500, krw <[email protected]> wrote:
> >On Tue, 07 Jul 2009 14:28:00 -0500, Steve Turner
> ><[email protected]> wrote:
>
> >>Robatoy wrote:
> >>> On Jul 7, 1:23 pm, jo4hn <[email protected]> wrote:
> >>>> Robatoy wrote:
> >>>>> On Jul 6, 2:50 am, "Lew Hodgett" <[email protected]> wrote:
> >>>>> [snip]
> >>>>>> Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?
> >>>>> As we say up here in Canuckistan, upon hearing 'that sound': "the
> >>>>> geese are flying low today."
> >>>> I happened to be on an elevator with an English gentleman who farted=
.
> >>>> His explanation? =A0"Trouser cough."
> >>>> :-)
>
> >>> or;
> >>> "Ooops, stepped on a barking spider."
>
> >>We used to call it "a low flying elk". =A0I have no idea what that mean=
s. =A0:-)
>
> >Geese.
>
> =A0"got a duck in yer' pocket"
>
> or
>
> "If the little stinker doesn't want to pay the rent he cansneak out
> the back =A0but he doesn't have to slam the door!!"

Did you know that turds are tapered so that your ass won't slam shut?

On Jul 7, 1:23=A0pm, jo4hn <[email protected]> wrote:
> Robatoy wrote:
> > On Jul 6, 2:50 am, "Lew Hodgett" <[email protected]> wrote:
> >[snip]
> >> Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?
>
> > As we say up here in Canuckistan, upon hearing 'that sound': "the
> > geese are flying low today."
>
> I happened to be on an elevator with an English gentleman who farted.
> His explanation? =A0"Trouser cough."
> :-)

or;
"Ooops, stepped on a barking spider."

Top posted for convenience.

Further to the original post. In the style of the immortal Bobbie
Burns


Tae A Fert

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts to stir an enormous wind.

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Stert workin like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face
Will have ye blawin’ all ower the place.

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A’bodys gonnae have tae pay
Even if ye try to stifle,
It’s like a bullet oot a rifle.

Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try and stop the leakin air
Shift yersel frae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae God it doesnae reek.

But aw yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap a thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me, a sonic boom!

God almighty it fairly reeks;
Hope I huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog I better scurry
Aw whit the hell, its no ma worry.

A’body roon aboot me chokin,
Wan or two are nearly bokin
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile.

Wis him! I shout with accusin glower,
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
I dinnae feel welcome any mair.

Where ere ye go let yer wind gan free
Sounds like just the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty
Ower the sake o won wee ferty.

Author unknown



On Mon, 6 Jul 2009 11:22:32 -0500, "HeyBub" <[email protected]>
wrote:

>Lew Hodgett wrote:
>> To complement jo4hn's post.
>>
>> Enjoy
>>
>> Lew
>> ========================================
>> A fart is a pleasant thing,
>> It gives the belly ease,
>> It warms the bed in winter,
>> And suffocates the fleas.
>>
>> A fart can be quiet,
>> A fart can be loud,
>> Some leave a powerful,
>> Poisonous cloud.
>>
>> A fart can be short,
>> Or a fart can be long,
>> Some farts have been known
>> To sound like a song.....
>>
>> A fart can create
>> A most curious medley,
>> A fart can be harmless,
>> Or silent , and deadly.
>>
>> A fart might not smell,
>> While others are vile,
>> A fart may pass quickly,
>> Or linger a while......
>>
>> A fart can occur
>> In a number of places,
>> And leave everyone there,
>> With strange looks on their faces.
>>
>> From wide-open prairie,
>> To small elevators,
>> A fart will find all of
>> Us sooner or later.
>>
>> But farts are all bad,
>> Is simply not true-
>> We must never forget.......
>> Sweet old farts like you!
>>
>> Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?
>
>Speaking of eyes and farts:
>
>"Then said the clerk Absolon,
>'Speak, sweet bird, I know not where thou art.'
>Nicholas then let fly a fart
>As great as if it had been a thunder clap,
>That with the stroke Absolon was almost blinded;"
>
>And, regarding tears, the text goes on:
>
>"But he was ready with his hot iron
>And hit Nicholas right on the arse.
>Off went about a hand's breadth of skin,
>The hot coulter so burned his butt,
>And he thought he would die of the pain."
>
>The Miller's Tale by Chaucer
>(One of two tales that are pornographic - the other being the Reeve's Tale.
>Don't read them, they'll rot your mind. Don't even. Not a word.)
>

Robatoy wrote:
> On Jul 7, 1:23 pm, jo4hn <[email protected]> wrote:
>> Robatoy wrote:
>>> On Jul 6, 2:50 am, "Lew Hodgett" <[email protected]> wrote:
>>> [snip]
>>>> Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?
>>> As we say up here in Canuckistan, upon hearing 'that sound': "the
>>> geese are flying low today."
>> I happened to be on an elevator with an English gentleman who farted.
>> His explanation? "Trouser cough."
>> :-)
>
> or;
> "Ooops, stepped on a barking spider."

We used to call it "a low flying elk". I have no idea what that means. :-)

--
"Our beer goes through thousands of quality Czechs every day."
(From a Shiner Bock billboard I saw in Austin some years ago)
To reply, eat the taco.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bbqboyee/

HeyBub wrote:
> Lew Hodgett wrote:
>> To complement jo4hn's post.
>>
>> Enjoy
>>
>> Lew
>> ========================================
>> A fart is a pleasant thing,
>> It gives the belly ease,
>> It warms the bed in winter,
>> And suffocates the fleas.
>>
>> A fart can be quiet,
>> A fart can be loud,
>> Some leave a powerful,
>> Poisonous cloud.
>>
>> A fart can be short,
>> Or a fart can be long,
>> Some farts have been known
>> To sound like a song.....
>>
>> A fart can create
>> A most curious medley,
>> A fart can be harmless,
>> Or silent , and deadly.
>>
>> A fart might not smell,
>> While others are vile,
>> A fart may pass quickly,
>> Or linger a while......
>>
>> A fart can occur
>> In a number of places,
>> And leave everyone there,
>> With strange looks on their faces.
>>
>> From wide-open prairie,
>> To small elevators,
>> A fart will find all of
>> Us sooner or later.
>>
>> But farts are all bad,
>> Is simply not true-
>> We must never forget.......
>> Sweet old farts like you!
>>
>> Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?
>
> Dilbert's cartoon today - Jul 8 - is kinda on point:
> http://www.dilbert.com/fast

That's the best euphemism for it I've heard yet.

On Tue, 07 Jul 2009 14:28:00 -0500, Steve Turner
<[email protected]> wrote:

>Robatoy wrote:
>> On Jul 7, 1:23 pm, jo4hn <[email protected]> wrote:
>>> Robatoy wrote:
>>>> On Jul 6, 2:50 am, "Lew Hodgett" <[email protected]> wrote:
>>>> [snip]
>>>>> Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?
>>>> As we say up here in Canuckistan, upon hearing 'that sound': "the
>>>> geese are flying low today."
>>> I happened to be on an elevator with an English gentleman who farted.
>>> His explanation? "Trouser cough."
>>> :-)
>>
>> or;
>> "Ooops, stepped on a barking spider."
>
>We used to call it "a low flying elk". I have no idea what that means. :-)

Geese.