This one's for JOAT! 8D
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BUSH: SADDAM HAD URANIUM ON AMAZON.COM WISH LIST
Sought Banned Weapons, Free Shipping
Backing off somewhat from his earlier claims that Saddam Hussein possessed
an active nuclear weapons program, President Bush said today that there was
"mounting evidence" that the Iraqi strongman listed "uranium" as an item on
his Amazon.com wish list.
"We have reason to believe that Saddam Hussein sought not only uranium at
Amazon.com, but free shipping as well," Mr. Bush told reporters. "Without
the intervention of the U.S., a nuclear bomb in Iraq was just one click
away."
Mr. Bush said the Iraqi dictator's wish list offers incontrovertible proof
that Saddam sought weapons-grade uranium, as well as a Segway scooter and
the DVD to the James Bond film "Goldeneye."
In addition, the Iraqi madman listed Kim Jung-Il of North Korea as one of
his Amazon.com "Favorite People," indicating a level of cooperation between
the two evildoers that Mr. Bush called "troubling."
But on Capitol Hill, Senator Jay Rockefeller (D-W.Va) said that there was a
big difference between possessing an active nuclear program and trying to
obtain uranium at the world's largest bookstore.
"We also have evidence that Saddam attempted to use the Internet to hook up
with a 34-year old administrative assistant from Tampa who likes
boogie-boarding and the music of Faith Hill, yet we have no proof that he
ever succeeded in doing so," Senator Rockefeller said.
In a related story, one day after accepting responsibility for errors in his
State of the Union Address, Mr. Bush shifted the blame to yet another person
in his administration, Postmaster General John E. Potter.
"I don't mind accepting the blame, but one day is more than enough," Mr.
Bush said.
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"Hilarious! Andy Borowitz is a comedic genius." -- Amazon.com review
http://www.borowitzreport.com/
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