(I found this on slashdot today. Thought you'd find it hilarious.)
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes
for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress,
non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice
holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the
religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your
choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or
traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or
secular traditions at all...
...and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted
calendar year 2005, but not without due respect for the calendars of
choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped
make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily
greaterthan any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western
hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age,
physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or
sexual preference of the wishee.
(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This
greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely
transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no
promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for
her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is
revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted
to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for
a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday
greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement
of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the
wisher.)