OT: (sort of) TOOL GLOSSARY

Belt Sander:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into
major refinishing jobs.

Craftsman 1/2 X 24-Inch Screwdriver:
A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined
screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

Dremel R Tool:
A very useful tool for modellers which allows them to make more mistakes
much faster, thereby turning $100 kits into spare parts, and completely
justifying the purchase of another $100 kit.

Drill Press:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock
out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your drink
across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece
you were drying.

Eight-Foot Long Yellow Pine 2x4:
Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack
handle.

Electric Hand Drill:
Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old
age.

Hacksaw:
It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the
more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future
becomes.

Hammer:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as to
locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to
hit.
It is often used to make gaping holes in walls when hanging pictures. Also
used as replacement for screwdriver.

Hose Cutter/Tubing cutter:
A tool used to make hoses or tubing too short.

Hydraulic Floor Jack:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your
new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

Mechanic's Knife:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered
to your front door. It works particularly well on contents such as seats,
vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund
checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work
clothes, but only while being worn.

Oxyacetylene Torch:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on
fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub when you are
trying to remove a bearing race.

Phillips Screwdriver:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style
paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also
beused,
as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

Pliers:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters.

Radial Arm Saw:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to scare novices
into choosing another line of work.

Skill Saw:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

Straight Screwdriver:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted
screws into non-removable screws.

Table Saw:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for
testing wall integrity.

Tweezers:
A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires from skin.

Two-Ton Engine Hoist:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to
disconnect.

Vise-Grips:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing
else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat
to
the palm of your hand.

Welding Gloves:
Heavy-duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding
heat to the palm of your hand.

Whitworth Sockets:
Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now
used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or1/2 inch socket you've been
searching for the last 45 minutes.

Wire Wheel:
It cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
workbench
with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned guitar
calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "YEOWW!


Hope you enjoyed them.
Axel