MSN News Release, April 1, 2006:
The Scientific Wood Manufacturers Biology Organization announces the
development of a genetically engineered product to alleviate the
headaches that plague many woodworkers and carpenters. SWMBO released
details on a new method of repairing wood damaged by carelessness or
improper use of the "wrong tool at the wrong time" quipped managing
chemist Ferris Manganate. This new product called "ReGrain" is a
woodworkers version of Rogaine=AE- the medication that allows bald men
to grow a new head of hair. "ReGrain does for a botched dovetail
joint what Rogaine=AE did for Donald Trump" said Manganate as he
ushered a panel of reporters into the SWMBO laboratories testing
facility. "We had now produced a genetic band aid that works with
the natural wood DNA (http://www.dnaftb.org/dnaftb/) to produce new
fibers and pigments, exactly matching those cut by accident when so
called 'wood butchers' take off too much while they try to 'sneak
up' to the line."
"ReGrain can also be used to make new wood but the cost per mole of
wood (6.02 x 10 23 molecules) is so high that we only recommend it for
repairing mistakes. ReGrain can also be used to restore wood stained
by cat or dog urine, as is typically found on wood floors in pet owners
houses." Manganate demonstrates in minutes how a cat urine stained
floor board is restored to its original appearance and contrasts this
with a less effective and longer procedure of sanding and sealing with
polyurethane.
"We have had many difficulties in the process of manufacturing
ReGrain. Our first prototype which we called 'STRYPED', looked
like it would be worthwhile, but its effect only lasted 6 days. A more
difficult genetic sequence that we produced continually changes its
genetic code and would be extremely unstable if we released it to the
public."
"Because of its constantly changing structure we refer to it as a
number only, even we can't identify exactly what it is."
At present, ReGrain can only be purchased from SWMBO but a major
marketing approach is underway to provide it at participating Lowes and
Home Depot stores that already have a pharmacy aisle.
marc rosen wrote:
> MSN News Release, April 1, 2006:
> The Scientific Wood Manufacturers Biology Organization announces the
> development of a genetically engineered product to alleviate the
> headaches that plague many woodworkers and carpenters. SWMBO released
> details on a new method of repairing wood damaged by carelessness or
> improper use of the "wrong tool at the wrong time" quipped managing
> chemist Ferris Manganate. This new product called "ReGrain" is a
> woodworkers version of Rogaine®- the medication that allows bald men
> to grow a new head of hair. "ReGrain does for a botched dovetail
> joint what Rogaine® did for Donald Trump" said Manganate as he
> ushered a panel of reporters into the SWMBO laboratories testing
> facility. "We had now produced a genetic band aid that works with
> the natural wood DNA (http://www.dnaftb.org/dnaftb/) to produce new
> fibers and pigments, exactly matching those cut by accident when so
> called 'wood butchers' take off too much while they try to 'sneak
> up' to the line."
> "ReGrain can also be used to make new wood but the cost per mole of
> wood (6.02 x 10 23 molecules) is so high that we only recommend it for
> repairing mistakes. ReGrain can also be used to restore wood stained
> by cat or dog urine, as is typically found on wood floors in pet owners
> houses." Manganate demonstrates in minutes how a cat urine stained
> floor board is restored to its original appearance and contrasts this
> with a less effective and longer procedure of sanding and sealing with
> polyurethane.
> "We have had many difficulties in the process of manufacturing
> ReGrain. Our first prototype which we called 'STRYPED', looked
> like it would be worthwhile, but its effect only lasted 6 days. A more
> difficult genetic sequence that we produced continually changes its
> genetic code and would be extremely unstable if we released it to the
> public."
> "Because of its constantly changing structure we refer to it as a
> number only, even we can't identify exactly what it is."
> At present, ReGrain can only be purchased from SWMBO but a major
> marketing approach is underway to provide it at participating Lowes and
> Home Depot stores that already have a pharmacy aisle.
>
Happy April first!
--
Gerald Ross
Cochran, GA
Friends help you move. Real friends
help you move bodies.
----== Posted via Newsfeeds.Com - Unlimited-Unrestricted-Secure Usenet News==----
http://www.newsfeeds.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! 120,000+ Newsgroups
----= East and West-Coast Server Farms - Total Privacy via Encryption =----
My sister-in-law is always calling my brother (who is losing his hair) a
"blockhead". Maybe this stuff will work for him!
marc rosen wrote:
> MSN News Release, April 1, 2006:
> The Scientific Wood Manufacturers Biology Organization announces the
> development of a genetically engineered product to alleviate the
> headaches that plague many woodworkers and carpenters. SWMBO released
> details on a new method of repairing wood damaged by carelessness or
> improper use of the "wrong tool at the wrong time" quipped managing
> chemist Ferris Manganate. This new product called "ReGrain" is a
> woodworkers version of Rogaine®- the medication that allows bald men
> to grow a new head of hair. "ReGrain does for a botched dovetail
> joint what Rogaine® did for Donald Trump" said Manganate as he
> ushered a panel of reporters into the SWMBO laboratories testing
> facility. "We had now produced a genetic band aid that works with
> the natural wood DNA (http://www.dnaftb.org/dnaftb/) to produce new
> fibers and pigments, exactly matching those cut by accident when so
> called 'wood butchers' take off too much while they try to 'sneak
> up' to the line."
> "ReGrain can also be used to make new wood but the cost per mole of
> wood (6.02 x 10 23 molecules) is so high that we only recommend it for
> repairing mistakes. ReGrain can also be used to restore wood stained
> by cat or dog urine, as is typically found on wood floors in pet owners
> houses." Manganate demonstrates in minutes how a cat urine stained
> floor board is restored to its original appearance and contrasts this
> with a less effective and longer procedure of sanding and sealing with
> polyurethane.
> "We have had many difficulties in the process of manufacturing
> ReGrain. Our first prototype which we called 'STRYPED', looked
> like it would be worthwhile, but its effect only lasted 6 days. A more
> difficult genetic sequence that we produced continually changes its
> genetic code and would be extremely unstable if we released it to the
> public."
> "Because of its constantly changing structure we refer to it as a
> number only, even we can't identify exactly what it is."
> At present, ReGrain can only be purchased from SWMBO but a major
> marketing approach is underway to provide it at participating Lowes and
> Home Depot stores that already have a pharmacy aisle.
>
I hope that you didn't put too much time into writing this. Keep the day
job.
"marc rosen" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
MSN News Release, April 1, 2006:
The Scientific Wood Manufacturers Biology Organization announces the
development of a genetically engineered product to alleviate the
headaches that plague many woodworkers and carpenters. SWMBO released
details on a new method of repairing wood damaged by carelessness or
improper use of the "wrong tool at the wrong time" quipped managing
chemist Ferris Manganate. This new product called "ReGrain" is a
woodworkers version of Rogaine®- the medication that allows bald men
to grow a new head of hair. "ReGrain does for a botched dovetail
joint what Rogaine® did for Donald Trump" said Manganate as he
ushered a panel of reporters into the SWMBO laboratories testing
facility. "We had now produced a genetic band aid that works with
the natural wood DNA (http://www.dnaftb.org/dnaftb/) to produce new
fibers and pigments, exactly matching those cut by accident when so
called 'wood butchers' take off too much while they try to 'sneak
up' to the line."
"ReGrain can also be used to make new wood but the cost per mole of
wood (6.02 x 10 23 molecules) is so high that we only recommend it for
repairing mistakes. ReGrain can also be used to restore wood stained
by cat or dog urine, as is typically found on wood floors in pet owners
houses." Manganate demonstrates in minutes how a cat urine stained
floor board is restored to its original appearance and contrasts this
with a less effective and longer procedure of sanding and sealing with
polyurethane.
"We have had many difficulties in the process of manufacturing
ReGrain. Our first prototype which we called 'STRYPED', looked
like it would be worthwhile, but its effect only lasted 6 days. A more
difficult genetic sequence that we produced continually changes its
genetic code and would be extremely unstable if we released it to the
public."
"Because of its constantly changing structure we refer to it as a
number only, even we can't identify exactly what it is."
At present, ReGrain can only be purchased from SWMBO but a major
marketing approach is underway to provide it at participating Lowes and
Home Depot stores that already have a pharmacy aisle.