I have a shed on the side of the house with a roller door at each end.
This is handy to carry stuff straight through to the back or to park
the car in (when I am out of lumber). Last night, since I had been in
and out of the shed all day, I'd only closed the yard side of the shed
and was just leaving the front door when I heard a noise in the shed.
I snuck around and peeked into the end of the shed and, in the gloom,
saw the tail of Sally the shop dog happily wagging as she was tearing
into a bag of MacDonalds she'd dragged from the bin.
Since she knows this is a definite no-no, I thought I'd teach her a
lesson and scare the bejeezus outta her. I snuck up on her as quietly
as I could and, I must admit, did a great job of it. Trying to stop
myself from laughing, I slowly reached to grab her in the ribs and
yell out. Thankfully, the wind was blowing toward me and she didn't
catch my scent.
Anyway, she was buried deep in the McBag (it was over her head) and
her shoulders were half under the shelf. Perfect, the silly mutt was
gonna freak out.
I grabbed her ribs and yelled "Bad Dog!", then started laughing - for
about two seconds...
What came out of the bag was not my dog! It was someone else's
Labrador wearing a surprised look and lots of teeth. It had banged its
head on the way out from under the shelf, then had backed between my
legs, snapping and snarling - not good. Inside the house, my dog was
now going nuts, further scaring the new dog. I went ass up trying to
get away from the teeth and paws of the mutt desperately trying to get
away, which thankfully it did. Leaving me, totally shattered, in a
heap in the shed.
It took hours for the heart rate to go down.
On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 09:34:48 GMT, Groggy
<[email protected]> wrote:
<snip>
>
>I grabbed her ribs and yelled "Bad Dog!", then started laughing - for
>about two seconds...
>
>What came out of the bag was not my dog! It was someone else's
>Labrador wearing a surprised look and lots of teeth. It had banged its
>head on the way out from under the shelf, then had backed between my
>legs, snapping and snarling - not good. Inside the house, my dog was
>now going nuts, further scaring the new dog. I went ass up trying to
>get away from the teeth and paws of the mutt desperately trying to get
>away, which thankfully it did. Leaving me, totally shattered, in a
>heap in the shed.
>
>It took hours for the heart rate to go down.
I once did the same with a strange woman...
...the rest of the story was more or less as you have written...
Tom Watson - WoodDorker
tjwatson1ATcomcastDOTnet (email)
http://home.comcast.net/~tjwatson1/ (website)
Groggy wrote:
> I have a shed on the side of the house with a roller door at each end.
> This is handy to carry stuff straight through to the back or to park
> the car in (when I am out of lumber). Last night, since I had been in
> and out of the shed all day, I'd only closed the yard side of the shed
> and was just leaving the front door when I heard a noise in the shed.
>
> I snuck around and peeked into the end of the shed and, in the gloom,
> saw the tail of Sally the shop dog happily wagging as she was tearing
> into a bag of MacDonalds she'd dragged from the bin.
>
> Since she knows this is a definite no-no, I thought I'd teach her a
> lesson and scare the bejeezus outta her. I snuck up on her as quietly
> as I could and, I must admit, did a great job of it. Trying to stop
> myself from laughing, I slowly reached to grab her in the ribs and
> yell out. Thankfully, the wind was blowing toward me and she didn't
> catch my scent.
>
> Anyway, she was buried deep in the McBag (it was over her head) and
> her shoulders were half under the shelf. Perfect, the silly mutt was
> gonna freak out.
>
> I grabbed her ribs and yelled "Bad Dog!", then started laughing - for
> about two seconds...
>
It's not good to bother a dog when he is eating, fighting or loving.
Even your own dog. Accidents happen very quickly.
--
Gerald Ross
Cochran, GA
Hookt on fonicks werkt 4 me!
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>Nothin' better than a good dog.
When a dog gets old and snaps at you, you can shoot it
If a dog has puppies you can give them away
Dogs think you ARE funnier when you're drunk
A dog is pleased to wear a heavy studded collar
A dog will forgive if you call it by another dog's name
If you bring home a strange dog your dog will be happy to play with
both of you
About twenty years ago, I was a teenager living with my parents in
their apartment in tokyo. We had a philipino maid who would come over
to clean from time to time when we all were at work or school. One
day, my mother came home to find the made still there past her usual
time. She was in the bathroom crying and trying to clean the floor.
Through broken english and pointing, she explained what had happened.
We had this cat, well, still a kitten. It's favorite thing to do was
ambush people in the manner you describe. This poor maid had picked up
my mother's perfume tray to move it so she could clean the bathroom
counter. This tray was the size and shape of a restaurant serving
tray, but was made of a piece of mirror with glass handles on the side.
Ever square inch of mirror was covered with some little bottle of
perfume, a collection my mother had spend a decade assembling.
You can see where this is going.
Just as she picked it up, the cat attacked. It got her on the foot,
which made her scream and throw the tray into the air. Every bottle
broke, figure more than $1000 worth of smelly stuff. I laughed so hard
I enarly wet myself. My mother was annoyed by the situation, but felt
bad for the philipino woman who I'm sure thought she would be fired,
and consoled her. The cat lived.
"Patrick Conroy" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> "brianlanning" <[email protected]> wrote in
> news:[email protected]:
>
> > You can see where this is going.
> >
> > The cat lived.
> >
>
> One cat = one slipper.
> Two cats = two slippers.
> Three cats = Start on a glove...
>
OR
One cat = one push stick
Two cats = two push sticks
etc.
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"brianlanning" <[email protected]> wrote in
news:[email protected]:
> You can see where this is going.
>
> The cat lived.
>
One cat = one slipper.
Two cats = two slippers.
Three cats = Start on a glove...
On Mon, 22 Aug 2005 15:26:59 GMT, the opaque
[email protected] (Lawrence Wasserman) clearly wrote:
>Your story really gave me a good laugh. Reminded me of a similar
>incident that happened to me about 30 years ago, involving a
>girlfriend's roommate...
And just what was she on all 4s in the shed eating, hmmm?
Got pics?
<domg>
--
If it weren't for jumping to conclusions, some of us wouldn't get any exercise.
www.diversify.com - Jump-free website programming
Your story really gave me a good laugh. Reminded me of a similar
incident that happened to me about 30 years ago, involving a
girlfriend's roommate...
--
Larry Wasserman Baltimore, Maryland
[email protected]
PETA is going to come after you for letting a dog eat McGarbage food.
"Groggy" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>I have a shed on the side of the house with a roller door at each end.
> This is handy to carry stuff straight through to the back or to park
> the car in (when I am out of lumber). Last night, since I had been in
> and out of the shed all day, I'd only closed the yard side of the shed
> and was just leaving the front door when I heard a noise in the shed.
>
> I snuck around and peeked into the end of the shed and, in the gloom,
> saw the tail of Sally the shop dog happily wagging as she was tearing
> into a bag of MacDonalds she'd dragged from the bin.
>
> Since she knows this is a definite no-no, I thought I'd teach her a
> lesson and scare the bejeezus outta her. I snuck up on her as quietly
> as I could and, I must admit, did a great job of it. Trying to stop
> myself from laughing, I slowly reached to grab her in the ribs and
> yell out. Thankfully, the wind was blowing toward me and she didn't
> catch my scent.
>
> Anyway, she was buried deep in the McBag (it was over her head) and
> her shoulders were half under the shelf. Perfect, the silly mutt was
> gonna freak out.
>
> I grabbed her ribs and yelled "Bad Dog!", then started laughing - for
> about two seconds...
>
> What came out of the bag was not my dog! It was someone else's
> Labrador wearing a surprised look and lots of teeth. It had banged its
> head on the way out from under the shelf, then had backed between my
> legs, snapping and snarling - not good. Inside the house, my dog was
> now going nuts, further scaring the new dog. I went ass up trying to
> get away from the teeth and paws of the mutt desperately trying to get
> away, which thankfully it did. Leaving me, totally shattered, in a
> heap in the shed.
>
> It took hours for the heart rate to go down.
Better send that one into Reader's Digest (Life in these United States).
I'll be looking for it.
Cheers.
Joe_Stein
Groggy wrote:
> I have a shed on the side of the house with a roller door at each end.
> This is handy to carry stuff straight through to the back or to park
> the car in (when I am out of lumber). Last night, since I had been in
> and out of the shed all day, I'd only closed the yard side of the shed
> and was just leaving the front door when I heard a noise in the shed.
>
> I snuck around and peeked into the end of the shed and, in the gloom,
> saw the tail of Sally the shop dog happily wagging as she was tearing
> into a bag of MacDonalds she'd dragged from the bin.
>
> Since she knows this is a definite no-no, I thought I'd teach her a
> lesson and scare the bejeezus outta her. I snuck up on her as quietly
> as I could and, I must admit, did a great job of it. Trying to stop
> myself from laughing, I slowly reached to grab her in the ribs and
> yell out. Thankfully, the wind was blowing toward me and she didn't
> catch my scent.
>
> Anyway, she was buried deep in the McBag (it was over her head) and
> her shoulders were half under the shelf. Perfect, the silly mutt was
> gonna freak out.
>
> I grabbed her ribs and yelled "Bad Dog!", then started laughing - for
> about two seconds...
>
> What came out of the bag was not my dog! It was someone else's
> Labrador wearing a surprised look and lots of teeth. It had banged its
> head on the way out from under the shelf, then had backed between my
> legs, snapping and snarling - not good. Inside the house, my dog was
> now going nuts, further scaring the new dog. I went ass up trying to
> get away from the teeth and paws of the mutt desperately trying to get
> away, which thankfully it did. Leaving me, totally shattered, in a
> heap in the shed.
>
> It took hours for the heart rate to go down.
Upscale <[email protected]> wrote:
> "Robatoy" <[email protected]> wrote in message
>> You caught her in the trash and she bared her fangs??
>
> A little different that that. He scared the crap out of her and
> got fangs in return.
Fangs for the memories.
I once served on the staff of a cat named Hammerhead. His favorite
trick was to lie in wait until I walked by and grab my ankle with all
four feet (known at the Flying Afghanistan Ankle Lock in pussycat
wrestling circles). One fine day, he was lurking behind the doorway of
the spare bedroom but with the sun streaming in the window behind him.
I noted the shadow on the carpet and quietly backed away to plan some
strategy. Being unable to come up with any thing remotely creative, I
did a flying leap and a terrifying scream, ending up on all fours in
front of the doorway. Hammerhead jumped three feet straight into the
air, came down running, and unfortunately ran straight into a wall. He
sat down, shook himself off, and walked off in that "I meant to do that"
manner. He took it well and remained my friend.
mahalo,
jo4hn
"Owen Lawrence" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
<snippage of other hilarious cat stories>
Ayup! Many years ago, on the farm, late summer, full haymow, cupola shutters
were still out and big yellow tomcat liked to lurk in there and watch the
birds & pigeons on the roof ridge. One day either hunger or curiosity
finally conquered common sense, he leaped out to try and catch a meal.
Unfortunately, he missed landing square on the ridge-cap of the metal roof
and took quite a ride, scratching, clawing & yowling the whole way down the
large roof, then the 25' drop to the ground. Landed running and we didn't
see him for about three days, and he was still stiff, sore & limping for the
next few days.
--
Nahmie
The greatest headaches are those we cause ourselves.
>I once served on the staff of a cat named Hammerhead. His favorite trick
>was to lie in wait until I walked by and grab my ankle with all four feet
>(known at the Flying Afghanistan Ankle Lock in pussycat wrestling circles).
>One fine day, he was lurking behind the doorway of the spare bedroom but
>with the sun streaming in the window behind him. I noted the shadow on the
>carpet and quietly backed away to plan some strategy. Being unable to come
>up with any thing remotely creative, I did a flying leap and a terrifying
>scream, ending up on all fours in front of the doorway. Hammerhead jumped
>three feet straight into the air, came down running, and unfortunately ran
>straight into a wall. He sat down, shook himself off, and walked off in
>that "I meant to do that" manner. He took it well and remained my friend.
Cats are jumpy at the best of times; a startled cat is hilarious. I have my
printer up high on some Ikea Ivar shelves, and the family cat took to
relaxing next to it during the hot weather we had recently. There's about
eight inches between the shelves, and the day I printed a page the cat
jumped straight up, bonked her head on the shelf above, fell down on her
side and proceeded to spin herself sideways with all fours until all the
boxes of stationery had been emptied from the shelves. Then she stopped,
walked out on top of the monitor, said, "I meant to do that," and gave
herself a bath.
- Owen -
"Robatoy" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> You caught her in the trash and she bared her fangs??
A little different that that. He scared the crap out of her and got fangs in
return.
"Groggy" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>I have a shed on the side of the house with a roller door at each end.
> This is handy to carry stuff straight through to the back or to park
> the car in (when I am out of lumber). Last night, since I had been in
> and out of the shed all day, I'd only closed the yard side of the shed
> and was just leaving the front door when I heard a noise in the shed.
>
> I snuck around and peeked into the end of the shed and, in the gloom,
> saw the tail of Sally the shop dog happily wagging as she was tearing
> into a bag of MacDonalds she'd dragged from the bin.
>
> Since she knows this is a definite no-no, I thought I'd teach her a
> lesson and scare the bejeezus outta her. I snuck up on her as quietly
> as I could and, I must admit, did a great job of it. Trying to stop
> myself from laughing, I slowly reached to grab her in the ribs and
> yell out. Thankfully, the wind was blowing toward me and she didn't
> catch my scent.
>
> Anyway, she was buried deep in the McBag (it was over her head) and
> her shoulders were half under the shelf. Perfect, the silly mutt was
> gonna freak out.
>
> I grabbed her ribs and yelled "Bad Dog!", then started laughing - for
> about two seconds...
>
> What came out of the bag was not my dog! It was someone else's
> Labrador wearing a surprised look and lots of teeth. It had banged its
> head on the way out from under the shelf, then had backed between my
> legs, snapping and snarling - not good. Inside the house, my dog was
> now going nuts, further scaring the new dog. I went ass up trying to
> get away from the teeth and paws of the mutt desperately trying to get
> away, which thankfully it did. Leaving me, totally shattered, in a
> heap in the shed.
>
> It took hours for the heart rate to go down.
Let me get this straight.
You tried to pull a prank on your own dog?? And were unsuccessful? You
have too much time on your hands dude.
Reminds me of a friend who snuck up behind what he thought was his
girlfriend, grabbed her and gave her a big kiss. Turns out it wasn't her.
As he tried to apologize, she hit him hard enough to loosen two teeth.
In article <[email protected]>,
Groggy <[email protected]> wrote:
> I grabbed her ribs and yelled "Bad Dog!", then started laughing - for
> about two seconds...
Still wearing the smile after reading your post.
I did that to my own black lab one day and she spun around and caught my
arm 'tween her teeth. She didn't bite and promptly let go but it taught
me a lesson - animals will respond to fear with whatever defenses they
have available. Now I only play caught'ya with a loud stomp and roar,
keeping my mitts off and out of the way.
The dog and I do have a game that drives my wife nuts though. I stalk
the dog with very slow and deliberate movements. Often pausing for a
minute or so trying to be as still as I can be. The dog doesn't take her
eyes off me coming at her and will sometimes back her way up the stairs.
If I make a lunge she'll jump backwards about the same distance and then
immediately come forward again. We keep this up for ten minutes or so
and finally she's close enough to grab her and give her a good rub while
I get slathered with licks.
Other times I run from her in a catch-me-if-you-can way and then quickly
duck into a dark room or behind a door. When the dog comes full tilt
into my area I jump out and run after her. It's all paws and butt trying
to change her momentum and head the other way. But she'll only go about
10 feet and turn to make sure I'm still following her. If I'm not she'll
come looking for me again.
Nothin' better than a good dog.
--
Owen Lowe
The Fly-by-Night Copper Company
__________
"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the
Corporate States of America and to the
Republicans for which it stands, one nation,
under debt, easily divisible, with liberty
and justice for oil."
- Wiley Miller, Non Sequitur, 1/24/05