O/T: Ponderisms

Got this from my 94 year old cousin.

Enjoy

Lew
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1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those
little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
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2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?
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3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and
the
Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make
the Tennessee Titans?
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4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that
one
enjoys it?
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5. There are three religious truths:
A. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
B. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
Christian
faith.
C. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or
Hooters.
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6. If people from Poland are called Poles,
why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
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8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
bread to begin with?
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9 Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person
who
drives a race car is not called a racist?
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10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
depressed?
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12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
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13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
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14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald
men?
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15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole
lot
more as they get older; then it dawned on me, they're cramming for
their
final exam.
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16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons
and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?
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17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the
mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly
are
the
others here for?
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19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
zigzag?
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22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?
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23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
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24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two
words
'The' and 'IRS' together it spells...
'THEIRS'?