From a friend. I thought I'd share...
Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked
readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings
for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4 esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only
a nightgown.
7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies
up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
--
Morris Dovey
DeSoto Solar
DeSoto, Iowa USA
http://www.iedu.com/DeSoto/
On Feb 13, 7:59=A0am, Morris Dovey <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> 15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies
> up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
>
Always heard George Carlin (R.I.P.) using that one - no telling who he
stole it from.
Jerry
On Feb 13, 9:59=A0am, Morris Dovey <[email protected]> wrote:
> =A0From a friend. I thought I'd share...
>
> Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked
> readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
> subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply =A0a new definition.
>
> Here are the winners:
>
> 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, =A0which renders the
> subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
>
> 2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
>
> 3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
> =A0 realize it was your money to start with.
>
> 4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a =A0hillbilly.
>
> 5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
> bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
> little sign of breaking down in the near future.
>
> 6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about =A0yourself for the purpose of
> getting laid.
>
> 7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
>
> 8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
> person who doesn't get it.
>
> 9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
>
> 10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
>
> 11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
> really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
> like, a serious bummer.
>
> 12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
> consuming only things that are good for you.
>
> 13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
>
> 14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
> they come at you rapidly.
>
> 15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
> you've accidentally walked through a spider =A0web.
>
> 16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
> your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
>
> 17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
> the fruit you're eating.
>
> The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
> yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings
> for common words.
>
> And the winners are:
>
> 1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
>
> 2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
> gained.
>
> 3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
>
> 4 esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
>
> 5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
>
> 6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only
> a nightgown.
>
> 7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
>
> 8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
>
> 9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has =A0bee=
n
> run over by a steamroller.
>
> 10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.
>
> 11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.
>
> 12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by =A0proctologi=
sts.
>
> 13. Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
>
> 14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
>
> 15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies
> up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
>
> --
> Morris Dovey
> DeSoto Solar
> DeSoto, Iowa USAhttp://www.iedu.com/DeSoto/
Excellent collection of laughs and chuckles.
Thankeee