OT Humor: I'm baaack!

On Jan 29, 5:29 pm, jo4hn <[email protected]> wrote:

>
> Don't mess with old guys . . . .
>
> yesssssssss,
> jo4hn

Welcome back, sir. You weren't on the QEII, I hope?

r

Sheriff walks into the saloon and asks:
"Anybody in here seen a man, about 6'-4", black moustache, brown paper
vest,
brown paper shirt, and brown paper pants?"
A voice pipes up and asks: "What's he wanted for, sheriff?"
Sheriff takes a deep breath, puts his thumbs behind his suspenders and
says:
"Rustlin'!"

On Jan 29, 11:01 pm, jo4hn <[email protected]> wrote:
> Robatoy wrote:
>
> > On Jan 29, 5:29 pm, jo4hn <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> >> Don't mess with old guys . . . .
>
> >>yesssssssss,
> >>jo4hn
>
> > Welcome back, sir. You weren't on the QEII, I hope?
>
> > rFlying Dutchman, IIRC

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghuably a nice vessel, matey.

Did you ever hear the song about the cowboy with manure in his
mustache?

"Lookin ' for love in all the wrong places..."

--

FF

On Jan 30, 3:59 pm, [email protected] wrote:
> Did you ever hear the song about the cowboy with manure in his
> mustache?
>
> "Lookin ' for love in all the wrong places..."
>

That is disgusting.

Robatoy wrote:

>
> On Jan 29, 5:29 pm, jo4hn <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>
>> Don't mess with old guys . . . .
>>
>>yesssssssss,
>>jo4hn
>
>
> Welcome back, sir. You weren't on the QEII, I hope?
>
> r
>
Flying Dutchman, IIRC

Robatoy wrote:
> On Jan 30, 3:59 pm, [email protected] wrote:
>
>>Did you ever hear the song about the cowboy with manure in his
>>mustache?
>>
>>"Lookin ' for love in all the wrong places..."
>>
>
>
> That is disgusting.
>
>
Lordy, Lordy. I do love some of these Humor threads.
spasm,
jo4hn

jo4hn wrote:
> Gunslinger & the Old Prospector
>
> An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western
> town one day. He had been out in the desert for about six months
> without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to
> and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some
> of the dust from his face and clothes, a gunslinger walked out of the
> saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The
> gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, “Hey old man, have
> you ever danced?”
>
> The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No, I never did
> dance. I just never wanted to.”
>
> A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, “Well you old
> fool, you’re gonna dance now” and started shooting at the old man’s
> feet. The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing.
> When the gunslinger fired his last bullet he holstered his gun and
> turned around to go back into the saloon.
>
> The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both
> hammers back making a double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the
> sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger
> slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun. The old
> man asked, “Did you ever kiss a mule square on the ass?”
>
> The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No, but I’ve always wanted to.”
>
> Don’t mess with old guys . . . .
>
>
> yesssssssss,
> jo4hn

A gunslinger strolls into a saloon, draws both pistols and yells, " All
right, you stupid bastards, get out!" All three dozen men in the place
bolt for any exit, but one old guy is still leaning on the far end of
the bar. The gunslinger walks slowly up to him and says, "Well?" The old
guy says, "Sure were a lot of 'em, weren't there?"

A man goes to a cocktail party and sees a beautiful woman across the
room. He approaches her and asks her name.

"My name is Carmen,"

The man tells her, "That is a pretty name."

She says, "I started calling myself Carmen because of the two things I
love most, cars and men. What's your name?"

"Golftits,"

The Golfer:

Guy was an average player.

One day, he hit his T-Shot on the 2nd hole about 200 yards and sliced
it into the woods.

Went into the woods looking for his ball and found it under a Lilly
pad, right next to a Wee person who was resting there.

The Wee person said, Ye found me and if ye let me go, I'll grant you a
wish."

The golfer thought for a moment and then said, "I'd like to be a
scratch golfer."

The Wee person said, "I can do that but it will impact your sex life."

The golfer said, "That's OK, I want to be a scratch golfer."

The Wee person granted his wish, and for the next couple of years the
golfer played fantastic golf.

One day he was playing at the same course where he met the Wee person,
and once again he hit his T-Shot on the 2nd hole about 200 yards and
sliced it into the woods.

First time he had hit a bad shot since the last time he played this hole.

Went into the woods looking for his ball and once again found it under
a Lilly pad, right next to the same Wee person who was resting there.

The Wee person said, "I remember you, I granted you a wish to be a
scratch golfer, but told you it would affect your sex life."

The Wee person said, "So how are things going?"

The golfer said, "Playing great golf, this is the first bad shot I've
hit since I last saw you."

The Wee person said, "And how is your sex life?"

The golfer said, "Once, maybe twice a month. Not to bad for a priest
in a small parish."


Lew

On Mon, 29 Jan 2007 14:29:34 -0800, jo4hn <[email protected]>
wrote:

>Magic Rattlesnake:


The old cowboy was out on the trail when his horse was spooked by a
rattlesnake. He drew his six-gun as was ready to fire when the
rattler said "Wait I am a magic rattlesnake and will grant you three
wishes if you let me go". The cowboy wished for sacks of gold, a big
cooked breakfast and to be hung like his horse.

The next morning he awakes to the smell of bacon, eggs and potatoes
roasting on the campfire and finds sacks of gold lying at the foot of
his bedroll. Thinking that the magic rattler was true to his word he
looks down at his groin and exclaims "Oh shit, I forgot I was riding
Ol' Nell!"

Old Grey

On Mon, 29 Jan 2007 14:29:34 -0800, jo4hn <[email protected]>
wrote:
[snipped]

Hey, I can get in on this:


An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of
coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next
to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real
cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts,
working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves,bailing
hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on
tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about
women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women.
When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about
women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything
makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down
on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real
cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a
lesbian."


--
LRod

Master Woodbutcher and seasoned termite

Shamelessly whoring my website since 1999

http://www.woodbutcher.net

Proud participant of rec.woodworking since February, 1997

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